A Panther with a heart of steel.
I look back on where I came from...what I've been through, and where I am now. I'm graduating in 2 weeks, and in this moment I just sit back and think about my life, and the life that is to come after I walk out of the Petersen Events Center on May 2nd...
I have been to hell and back, but when I did come back, I came out swinging like a champion. Not necessarily a Stanley Cup Champion, but a champion nonetheless.
I've had my flesh and blood tell me that they didn't want to see me because they hated my mom. I held my father's hand while he was dying in the hospital, and I never really got to say goodbye to him. I remember seeing him that afternoon in the casket. That is a memory burned into my mind for the rest of my life. I never got to tell my dad how much I love him....And the grief that followed his passing turned my life upside down. The hatred that my dad's family poured out towards my mom was unbelievable. This was all before I turned 6, but I didn't learn about it until only recently, and I'm almost 23.
I was tortured in school. I was the "crybaby" who always cried over not having daddy around. I was teased for being the tall fat kid. I was spit on. I was punched. I got made fun of for being emotional. If it weren't for my family, and my mother to guide me in my life, I could have easily been one of those kids you hear about on the news that went fucking crazy and shot everyone they saw. I could have taken the easy way out and offed myself.
When I moved, I was on the defensive. I didn't trust anyone at all in Greenville when I first got there. But moving there changed my life. It wiped the slate clean of the shit I dealt with in Sharpsville. I became a different person. I discovered my talents not only in the arts, but in sports. I became respected for my singing voice and my creative mind. My life had turned around and I found new strength that I never knew I had.
I took a chance on life and moved to the Steel City to go to Pitt. Just like any Frosh I was scared shitless. But within a week of moving into Tower B, I gained a family 250 strong. I had a man that I didn't really know all that well tell me "From what I heard about you, you didn't really need to play for me to let you into the Pitt Band". I didn't know that man would be one of the greatest mentors in my life.
I found my strength in the Pitt Band. I became a trusted leader, and I was placed in charge of my section. I thought I would fail as the "Captain" of my squad, but I had never realized the influence that I have on others, whether they be younger or older than myself. Based on my experience with people before, I had no trouble making them laugh and smile, but to be in a place where I could still be the friend and also act as the leader and be respected as such, it was astonishing.
Not that I didn't think I could do it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that in the last 5 years of surviving college life in some old steel town in PA, I have learned so much about myself. I arose out of the ashes of a tragic young life and my deep wounds of the past are now faded scars. I am amazed at how life turned out for me. Don't always scoff at those who say "everything happens for a reason", because it's true. If I didn't move to Greenville, I wouldn't have been able to grow into something new. With that, I probably wouldn't have been compelled to go to Pitt. I f I never went to Pitt, I would have nothing to do with the Pitt Band or TBS. If I never met Jack R. Anderson, I wouldn't have the same ambition as I do now to become a teacher.
My old science teacher, who is actually close friends with Jack, said this to me back in December, at the last Pitt football game of the year:
"The teaching world, and just the world in general, needs more people like you."
I never knew he thought of me that way.
I think I'm slowly realizing that I've had an impact on people's lives. Not that I didn't think I did before, but the type of impact I've had on people. I just never saw it.
Despite freaking out about finals, I feel great about myself. I think I'm a pretty kick-ass person. I have my life set in front of me. I know what I want to do. I'll push that tassel over to the left on May 2nd and I'll be ready to blaze another trail yet again.
Maybe while I'm blazing this new trail of mine in this new life, I will find somebody...yes, *that* kind of somebody. I feel like I deserve a man who is absolutely amazing. Not because of what I've been through, but because of who I am now and what I have made of my life. I have fought tooth and nail to be standing tall...but now I want to stand tall next to someone who I can truly love and support.
Someday, that part will come together. But for now, I'll just keep doing what I should be doing...like finishing this paper...HA.
I have been to hell and back, but when I did come back, I came out swinging like a champion. Not necessarily a Stanley Cup Champion, but a champion nonetheless.
I've had my flesh and blood tell me that they didn't want to see me because they hated my mom. I held my father's hand while he was dying in the hospital, and I never really got to say goodbye to him. I remember seeing him that afternoon in the casket. That is a memory burned into my mind for the rest of my life. I never got to tell my dad how much I love him....And the grief that followed his passing turned my life upside down. The hatred that my dad's family poured out towards my mom was unbelievable. This was all before I turned 6, but I didn't learn about it until only recently, and I'm almost 23.
I was tortured in school. I was the "crybaby" who always cried over not having daddy around. I was teased for being the tall fat kid. I was spit on. I was punched. I got made fun of for being emotional. If it weren't for my family, and my mother to guide me in my life, I could have easily been one of those kids you hear about on the news that went fucking crazy and shot everyone they saw. I could have taken the easy way out and offed myself.
When I moved, I was on the defensive. I didn't trust anyone at all in Greenville when I first got there. But moving there changed my life. It wiped the slate clean of the shit I dealt with in Sharpsville. I became a different person. I discovered my talents not only in the arts, but in sports. I became respected for my singing voice and my creative mind. My life had turned around and I found new strength that I never knew I had.
I took a chance on life and moved to the Steel City to go to Pitt. Just like any Frosh I was scared shitless. But within a week of moving into Tower B, I gained a family 250 strong. I had a man that I didn't really know all that well tell me "From what I heard about you, you didn't really need to play for me to let you into the Pitt Band". I didn't know that man would be one of the greatest mentors in my life.
I found my strength in the Pitt Band. I became a trusted leader, and I was placed in charge of my section. I thought I would fail as the "Captain" of my squad, but I had never realized the influence that I have on others, whether they be younger or older than myself. Based on my experience with people before, I had no trouble making them laugh and smile, but to be in a place where I could still be the friend and also act as the leader and be respected as such, it was astonishing.
Not that I didn't think I could do it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that in the last 5 years of surviving college life in some old steel town in PA, I have learned so much about myself. I arose out of the ashes of a tragic young life and my deep wounds of the past are now faded scars. I am amazed at how life turned out for me. Don't always scoff at those who say "everything happens for a reason", because it's true. If I didn't move to Greenville, I wouldn't have been able to grow into something new. With that, I probably wouldn't have been compelled to go to Pitt. I f I never went to Pitt, I would have nothing to do with the Pitt Band or TBS. If I never met Jack R. Anderson, I wouldn't have the same ambition as I do now to become a teacher.
My old science teacher, who is actually close friends with Jack, said this to me back in December, at the last Pitt football game of the year:
"The teaching world, and just the world in general, needs more people like you."
I never knew he thought of me that way.
I think I'm slowly realizing that I've had an impact on people's lives. Not that I didn't think I did before, but the type of impact I've had on people. I just never saw it.
Despite freaking out about finals, I feel great about myself. I think I'm a pretty kick-ass person. I have my life set in front of me. I know what I want to do. I'll push that tassel over to the left on May 2nd and I'll be ready to blaze another trail yet again.
Maybe while I'm blazing this new trail of mine in this new life, I will find somebody...yes, *that* kind of somebody. I feel like I deserve a man who is absolutely amazing. Not because of what I've been through, but because of who I am now and what I have made of my life. I have fought tooth and nail to be standing tall...but now I want to stand tall next to someone who I can truly love and support.
Someday, that part will come together. But for now, I'll just keep doing what I should be doing...like finishing this paper...HA.