I feel scarily nostalgic right now.
About everything. I feel scared and anxious, and I kind of don't know what to do with myself. I am also worried about my future, about what I'm actually doing anything with my life, what the fuck.
Let's take this a step at a time. I have divided it into different cuts so you can go to which ever part you desire.
I feel like. I can look back bandom in the past and be so happy about it, seriously. Everything was so happy and everyone was in love and even if they weren't, they're written as if they could be and you believe it.
Now, it's just. Everything is different. I like the new characters, I really really do (The Like and Elizabeth Berg, I mean, come on), but there's not enough people on the wagon for them yet, I think. A lot of people are still clinging to the past and what used to be and refuse to move forward, and/or give up. I can see why. I really really can. But me, I don't blame certain people for certain events that have happened. I don't like to, and I can't and won't and all of the similar phrases. So fic is scarce, which, of course, breaks my heart. I miss being able to read an amazing fic every day. I was spoiled, I guess. (That's not to say that all good fic is gone. It's not. It's just not as frequent.)
Also, there's a part of me that cannot bear to read Spencer/Brendon. (And I used to ship them a lot. All the time.) I don't really know why; I guess it's just that the truth really does hurt, and some mop-topped scrawny boys named Ryan Ross won't be coming back. Which is. Okay. I can live with it. But I really don't like to read Panic! fic without him in it.
I cling to my OTP with little hope left. There is a part of me that will never ever give up on Ryan and Brendon and what they had, but sometimes I wonder, why am I even here? What does this even mean? What does it matter if they're not even talking to each other anymore? The shirt is my lifeline, the last little piece that tells me that there's hope, it's not completely dead, they're just in a lull. I really shouldn't care anything about this or them or what the fuck they do with their lives. It's sad and pathetic that I do.
Also, I miss all of my old OTPs. Like Gabilliam. Gabilliam was fucking golden, okay, and what happened to it? Reality.
I've found myself hiding out in a new form of bandom: The Beatles. Which is. Say what you want, whatever you want, but I like the people there. They're really nice and supportive to everyone for the most part, and everyone is really active and discusses theories and stories and it's just. I love it. I find myself forgetting, hey, yeah, The Beatles broke up forty years ago. But it's fun. I don't think it's disrespectful at all. Yes it's The Beatles. But maybe to some people The Beatles are Panic At the Disco, and what we're doing is "disrespectful" in their eyes. We obviously don't find it disrespectful or wrong at all. When you break it down, The Beatles parallel Panic very very much. To the point where it's scary. I could go into details about all of those things, but I think that would take ages.
Here's some things that I'm just going to throw out there that make me love Beatles fandom (displayed in pictures):
The eye contact here is really intense. Especially on Ringo's part.
Paul was caught unbuttoning Ringo's collar. Totally normal. At least he doesn't seem to mind.
Whatever is going on here between John and Paul. (Also, can we take a moment to appreciate how good George looks here? Okay cool.)
So many things to say, so little time.
This has nothing to do with slash, but just look at Ringo's little face. *chinhands*
Oh, how did this get in here? (Sorry but this will NEVER fail to make me lol.)
Ringo simply does not approve at the affection Paul is showing for John. (George is indifferent.)
Showing some love for their good friend John!
Ahem.
This is just really really cute.
There's something quite special about this for reasons I can't explain.
Reading the paper!
Well.
Paul always looks rather jealous whenever he's looking at John and whoever from a distance.
Notice Paul's look of love for John. Then look at Ringo's hands posessively on Paul's shoulders. (This is a common theme.)
Hmmm.
This really has to be one of my favorite, because, Ringo!
I think that's quite enough, but if you happen to yearn for more, all you have to do is ask.
THIS WAS A BIG ASS POST, SON. I feel a lot better now, though. :) WHAT'S UP, GUYS?