what up livejournal
it's been some time since i last connected with this site. i just got tired of writing about the same shit over and over again. my life was becoming a series of bummedselfpityisolation moments nestled within boredom. if that makes any sense.
coming back from all the excitement of my European escapade left me wanting more. home life was and is predictable and a little overbearing sometimes. in the past few days my life's turned upside down. my abuelita passed away the day before my birthday. the day before that (on sunday), my dad left the house early in the morning all by himself without telling anyone. he walked to the hospital because he felt that my mom was keeping him hostage at home. he's had some psychotic/alsheimer-ish moments before, but we were sort of controlling it then. this was a slap in the face. i knew our lives would be changing. new stresses, new pain. losing someone little by little is as excrutiating as it sounds. especially when that person was your best best pal from the time you were born.
we were thinking of putting Pop in a home, but it's very expensive and a horrible option. the idea of not giving him a kiss goodnight and a kiss good morning is more than i can take. our other alternative is to keep him here but hire someone to be with him 24 hours a day. he needs more care than we can provide. i know that i can't be his nurse. i tried that already and after keeping all my feelings inside, i broke down.
i've been working at starbucks since the end of October. i love it. i love my coworkers. it may seem like some menial job, especially for a college grad, but i enjoy talking to people. chatting with regular customers and coworkers keeps my mind off of sad stuff that would otherwise consume me. an office job would give me too much time to sit with my thoughts. yes, Starbucks doesn't pay me as much as I could be making working for some lab, but i could care less. money is money. my spirit deserves better. (if i had to pay rent, i might be singing a different tune...maybe) it's just going to take me more time to save up my funds. right now the only thing that stops me from going mad is keeping busy. working, talking to friends, my mom, reading. studying should be in there too, except i'm completely slacking in that department.
coming back from all the excitement of my European escapade left me wanting more. home life was and is predictable and a little overbearing sometimes. in the past few days my life's turned upside down. my abuelita passed away the day before my birthday. the day before that (on sunday), my dad left the house early in the morning all by himself without telling anyone. he walked to the hospital because he felt that my mom was keeping him hostage at home. he's had some psychotic/alsheimer-ish moments before, but we were sort of controlling it then. this was a slap in the face. i knew our lives would be changing. new stresses, new pain. losing someone little by little is as excrutiating as it sounds. especially when that person was your best best pal from the time you were born.
we were thinking of putting Pop in a home, but it's very expensive and a horrible option. the idea of not giving him a kiss goodnight and a kiss good morning is more than i can take. our other alternative is to keep him here but hire someone to be with him 24 hours a day. he needs more care than we can provide. i know that i can't be his nurse. i tried that already and after keeping all my feelings inside, i broke down.
i've been working at starbucks since the end of October. i love it. i love my coworkers. it may seem like some menial job, especially for a college grad, but i enjoy talking to people. chatting with regular customers and coworkers keeps my mind off of sad stuff that would otherwise consume me. an office job would give me too much time to sit with my thoughts. yes, Starbucks doesn't pay me as much as I could be making working for some lab, but i could care less. money is money. my spirit deserves better. (if i had to pay rent, i might be singing a different tune...maybe) it's just going to take me more time to save up my funds. right now the only thing that stops me from going mad is keeping busy. working, talking to friends, my mom, reading. studying should be in there too, except i'm completely slacking in that department.