1. Well, I still don't know if I understand how you're friends with him, but you know, I'm glad you are.
2. And this I understand even less... My wife and I married when we were 20 years old and neither of us have ever regretted it or wavered in all the years since then. But marriage was something different when we were growing up - you hardly ever heard of divorce and it was always over something major. I think people today look at it too much as... It's too romanticized or something - people thinking they need to find the love of the life or something, or that they need to be passionately in love with their spouse. Marriage is about love, sure, but more than that it's about devotion and partnership. It's about making a home and a family with someone who wants the same things out of life that you do. I'm sorry you haven't been able to achieve that. And I'm even sorrier that my son seems to have played a part in that... Your marriage should always come before your friendship with him or anyone else... You and he should both know that.
3. Makes sense.
4. Your father sounds like a fine man. Both your parents sound very nice. Maybe I'll get a chance to meet them sometime.
5. I played a little bit of baseball as a kid too, you know. Though, football was really my focus. Different season though, so I always did both. I played third baseman usually.
Well, thanks again for getting back to me on that, Wilson.
I guess all the marriage stuff is a matter of opinion. I think cheating counts as "something major," personally.
And if you end up really unhappy in a relationship, why stay in it? If you don't love the person you're with pretty intensely, it can be hard to achieve the things you deem more important in marriage than love. Not to mention, sometimes people change and their goals change along with them. Sometimes it's honestly better to end things.
Anyway. I definitely have some regrets about my life, but I think if I had everything to do over again, I'd make most of the same choices. Even the ones that have turned House and me into a two-for-one deal that damages the vast majority of other interpersonal relationships.
Well, you're right - adultery is something major. But I'm looking at the root cause behind that problem... Once you've committed to someone... adultery just shouldn't happen, just like a divorce shouldn't happen.
A marriage isn't just like any other relationship - you can't just leave when something about it makes you unhappy. When you marry someone, they become part of your family. Now, your family, you might not always like them, but you're stuck with them for better or for worse. And somehow, you've got to make it work. Conflicts might come up where different members of the family have different ideas about something, but ultimately they've all got to agree on one thing, and if they can't, it's got to come down to one person (the husband and father) to consider what's best for the family.
It seems to me that if both people go into it knowing each other and knowing that that's what they're agreeing to, there shouldn't be any problems that can't be worked out. When your marry for life (and after), you take it seriously - you think before you do it, and you hang on with determination and loyalty afterwards. If you get married the same way you date, as just a relationship between two people who are interested in each other, care about each other, but who a few years down the line might not be interested enough... That's not even the same thing anymore, you see?
I know we're coming at this from different generations, and different religious ideals, but I am a little puzzled still. What about your parents - what do you think their views are on marriage? I always thought Judaism had a similar take on the sanctity of marriage? But even setting religion aside... It just seems to be common sense to me, what works best for married couples, and for society at large too.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to preach at you. (I have a tendency to do that, I'm afraid.) I just mean to say that it seems to me that your approach to marriage might be the problem, and that, after three times failing, you'll never achieve a successful marriage unless you change the way you think of it.
Family isn't forever. Sometimes people break contact. Sometimes people get disowned. In a perfect world, the family you're born into would love you and support you unconditionally, but that's not always how it works. There isn't a single kind of relationship in the world that can't go horribly wrong and come to an end.
In regard to religious backgrounds -- Jewish law allows for divorce and for remarriage afterward, even by Orthodox laws. It recognizes that even if two people are meant for each other, it's possible for them to ruin their marriage and they shouldn't be forced by religious law to remain together if that happens.
I don't really live life by religious ideals, though. My father wasn't originally Jewish -- he converted to make my mother's family happy -- and we always sort of celebrated "the holidays" instead of Christmas or Hanukkah. We focused on the whole "being together" thing instead of the religious aspects. When it comes to my divorces, my father has always been more disapproving than my mother. Throwback to his Christian upbringing, mom always said. His disapproval seems to stem from the idea of giving up, much like yours. My mother was disappointed in me for cheating, but never for actually ending relationships. In the end, they've both always supported me, though.
By the way, any questions you got for me? Don't feel that you have to, but I figure I should give you the opportunity. You answered mine, after all. It's only fair I offer to do the same for you.
01. How did you meet your wife? 02. If you'd had some kind of heath issue or something similar that kept you from military service, what sort of career path would you have taken? 03. A lot of your views seem religion-based. Tell me about when you faith has been most tested. 04. What would it take to make you proud of your son? 05. Umm... How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood...? (Couldn't really think of a fifth one. Heh.)
1. Well, I still don't know if I understand how you're friends with him, but you know, I'm glad you are.
2. And this I understand even less... My wife and I married when we were 20 years old and neither of us have ever regretted it or wavered in all the years since then. But marriage was something different when we were growing up - you hardly ever heard of divorce and it was always over something major. I think people today look at it too much as... It's too romanticized or something - people thinking they need to find the love of the life or something, or that they need to be passionately in love with their spouse. Marriage is about love, sure, but more than that it's about devotion and partnership. It's about making a home and a family with someone who wants the same things out of life that you do. I'm sorry you haven't been able to achieve that. And I'm even sorrier that my son seems to have played a part in that... Your marriage should always come before your friendship with him or anyone else... You and he should both know that.
3. Makes sense.
4. Your father sounds like a fine man. Both your parents sound very nice. Maybe I'll get a chance to meet them sometime.
5. I played a little bit of baseball as a kid too, you know. Though, football was really my focus. Different season though, so I always did both. I played third baseman usually.
Well, thanks again for getting back to me on that, Wilson.
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And if you end up really unhappy in a relationship, why stay in it? If you don't love the person you're with pretty intensely, it can be hard to achieve the things you deem more important in marriage than love. Not to mention, sometimes people change and their goals change along with them. Sometimes it's honestly better to end things.
Anyway. I definitely have some regrets about my life, but I think if I had everything to do over again, I'd make most of the same choices. Even the ones that have turned House and me into a two-for-one deal that damages the vast majority of other interpersonal relationships.
Reply
A marriage isn't just like any other relationship - you can't just leave when something about it makes you unhappy. When you marry someone, they become part of your family. Now, your family, you might not always like them, but you're stuck with them for better or for worse. And somehow, you've got to make it work. Conflicts might come up where different members of the family have different ideas about something, but ultimately they've all got to agree on one thing, and if they can't, it's got to come down to one person (the husband and father) to consider what's best for the family.
It seems to me that if both people go into it knowing each other and knowing that that's what they're agreeing to, there shouldn't be any problems that can't be worked out. When your marry for life (and after), you take it seriously - you think before you do it, and you hang on with determination and loyalty afterwards. If you get married the same way you date, as just a relationship between two people who are interested in each other, care about each other, but who a few years down the line might not be interested enough... That's not even the same thing anymore, you see?
I know we're coming at this from different generations, and different religious ideals, but I am a little puzzled still. What about your parents - what do you think their views are on marriage? I always thought Judaism had a similar take on the sanctity of marriage? But even setting religion aside... It just seems to be common sense to me, what works best for married couples, and for society at large too.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to preach at you. (I have a tendency to do that, I'm afraid.) I just mean to say that it seems to me that your approach to marriage might be the problem, and that, after three times failing, you'll never achieve a successful marriage unless you change the way you think of it.
Reply
In regard to religious backgrounds -- Jewish law allows for divorce and for remarriage afterward, even by Orthodox laws. It recognizes that even if two people are meant for each other, it's possible for them to ruin their marriage and they shouldn't be forced by religious law to remain together if that happens.
I don't really live life by religious ideals, though. My father wasn't originally Jewish -- he converted to make my mother's family happy -- and we always sort of celebrated "the holidays" instead of Christmas or Hanukkah. We focused on the whole "being together" thing instead of the religious aspects. When it comes to my divorces, my father has always been more disapproving than my mother. Throwback to his Christian upbringing, mom always said. His disapproval seems to stem from the idea of giving up, much like yours. My mother was disappointed in me for cheating, but never for actually ending relationships. In the end, they've both always supported me, though.
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Still, I stand by what I've said about marriage. I suppose we'll just have to disagree.
Well, good luck in any future relationships of yours...
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02. If you'd had some kind of heath issue or something similar that kept you from military service, what sort of career path would you have taken?
03. A lot of your views seem religion-based. Tell me about when you faith has been most tested.
04. What would it take to make you proud of your son?
05. Umm... How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood...? (Couldn't really think of a fifth one. Heh.)
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