たとえ遥か遠く離ればなれになっても繋がり合う想い: Even if we're far away from each other, our thoughts are connected.
I'm going write about a lot of things, so this is a warning. It might be scattered, unfounded, stupid, melodramatic, emo, or pathetic. I'm just working through somethings going on in my life and mind. Read at your own risk.
I'm in a tricky situation right now. I've always been brought up with a strong sense of family. I love them all, even if I really dislike the people that they are. You know what I'm saying. I love them, but I don't like them. I'll just go through the list...
My mother, Joyce: One of the three people who I feel have a genuine concern for me. Sometimes she doesn't act like it, but let's be honest, if anyone puts up with me for 20 years, they'd have the right to blow me off sometimes. [This is only since about the time I graduated high school and became an adult to her.] I miss her so much. She works hard, but doesn't get to have the social life she deserves. She's had a rough life, and while sometimes I poke fun at her for buying many clothes, I really can't blame her. She never got to do that kind of stuff when my dad was alive. She stayed home with the kids or went to work with him, after his heart surgery in '96. I do wish that maybe she could have got to enjoy her youth a bit more. [My older sister was born when she was 17.]
My Oldest Sister (through my parent's marrage), Nicky: One word: Bitch. There is a bit more to her, but let's face it, she's mean. She expects things to go her way and to hell with everyone else. She has Billy and Johnna in some sort of vice, and I fear that this is also slowly happening to me, even though I'm kicking and screaming. She has two children, Kaylyne [8] and Zach [1]. Nicky and I have the most conflicting of personalities. We've been fighting since I was born. Nicky also harbors a jealousy of Billy and I, because we were allowed to do things when we were in high school that she wasn't allowed to. [Although anyone who knows her knows that she was very wild in high school. The most Billy and I ever did was go on a couple of school trips and not have a stern curfew. (This is because Billy and I don't party and we're not big drinkers)] She's also somewhat violent. She thinks that making me or anyone else cry or bruise or welt up is funny.
My brother-in-law, Greg: Well, even though he and Nicky have been married for almost a decade, I don't really know him that well. Even though he has his moments, he's a jerk. I mean, he, like everyone else rags on me for what I like. That's really all I can say about him.
Nicky pretty much wears the pants in their family.
My niece, Kaylyne: Even though she is a third grader, she is one of the most spoiled children ever. This is the product of her being the first granddaughter and granddaughter. She can be nice, but maybe the butting of heads between us comes from me being slightly childish myself, but she really needs to learn how to mind the ones put in charge of her.
My nephew, Zach: He's still a baby, so I really can't say a whole lot about him. He's young and doesn't know anything other than really what he wants. He is a little spoiled, but nothing that's very difficult to manage. It also helps that I find him absolutely adorable.
My sister, Johnna: Well, Johnna is frankly, in one succinct word, a follower. Maybe not in every aspect, but in enough to make her fit into that catagory. A heavy drinker, I feel that she's trying to either: kill the pain of something or hurt herself or possibly both. I tend to get along better with her most of the time, except she's the most volatile of all of us and blows up at some of the smallest things. She is very much Nicky's doormat. Even though, if you ask her or confront her about it, she will deny, deny, deny. For the longest time, Nicky drove Johnna's Escape and only put gas in it, sometimes. Johnna paid the payments and insurance and Nicky got the privelege to drive it around. At least Nicky and Greg have their own car now and Johnna can drive hers.
My brother, Billy (Bud): He's disgusting, a jerk. I do think that he needs to get away from this area for awhile, especially from my brother-in-law. Billy is one of those people, like myself, that when they are exposed to a certain personality for awhile, they tend to pick up that personality. Well, Greg is not the nicest person, and this is sort of magnified in Billy.
I say this because I'm not sure how to act. I wish I could just pick up and leave them, but I'm not about burning bridges, but living with everyone (except my mom) drives me apeshit...
That's about all I have to say about my family.
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I do wish I could find a way to have a job and still do the sitting of the baby...I'm going to still try to babysit for awhile to help them out, but I don't want to be doing this at Christmas. Maybe I should look into doing some of those paid internet surveys, or something like that to maybe save up enough money to get Momo-chan going, or buy another car.
A list:
-Things I would like to save money for and do.-
1. Get a car running. (mainly so I can be independent and have a job that I can make it to everyday...)
2. Start paying on my student loans. (so that when I can take them out again, I won't owe quite so much when I graduate...)
3. Even though I don't really like school that much, go back and finish a bachelor's degree, so I can do the JET or ALT programs.
4. Go to Japan on a tourist visa. (preferably the time that nekuranotensai goes so that we can go to a myu and the JUMP store together.)
I'm hoping that by restricting myself severely that I should have an easier time saving money. Okay, I'm still going to get a couple of the things on my buy-list, just not around the same time. And I'm going to make up for those by not doing other things...
-------------------------------------------------
I want to express my concern for nekuranotensai and _snoogans_.
In the case of nekuranotensai, I just hope that she can get through her classes this and next semester with good marks and keep her sanity all the while.
With _snoogans_, she's sick and I hope that she feels better soon and beats all of that art kid bullshit.
...um...Well, I was going to discuss some other, more trivial things, but I kind of got a bit distacted, and got off track. I might write something like that later, but I feel a little better after nekuranotensai called me.
anno...bai bai.
I'm in a tricky situation right now. I've always been brought up with a strong sense of family. I love them all, even if I really dislike the people that they are. You know what I'm saying. I love them, but I don't like them. I'll just go through the list...
My mother, Joyce: One of the three people who I feel have a genuine concern for me. Sometimes she doesn't act like it, but let's be honest, if anyone puts up with me for 20 years, they'd have the right to blow me off sometimes. [This is only since about the time I graduated high school and became an adult to her.] I miss her so much. She works hard, but doesn't get to have the social life she deserves. She's had a rough life, and while sometimes I poke fun at her for buying many clothes, I really can't blame her. She never got to do that kind of stuff when my dad was alive. She stayed home with the kids or went to work with him, after his heart surgery in '96. I do wish that maybe she could have got to enjoy her youth a bit more. [My older sister was born when she was 17.]
My Oldest Sister (through my parent's marrage), Nicky: One word: Bitch. There is a bit more to her, but let's face it, she's mean. She expects things to go her way and to hell with everyone else. She has Billy and Johnna in some sort of vice, and I fear that this is also slowly happening to me, even though I'm kicking and screaming. She has two children, Kaylyne [8] and Zach [1]. Nicky and I have the most conflicting of personalities. We've been fighting since I was born. Nicky also harbors a jealousy of Billy and I, because we were allowed to do things when we were in high school that she wasn't allowed to. [Although anyone who knows her knows that she was very wild in high school. The most Billy and I ever did was go on a couple of school trips and not have a stern curfew. (This is because Billy and I don't party and we're not big drinkers)] She's also somewhat violent. She thinks that making me or anyone else cry or bruise or welt up is funny.
My brother-in-law, Greg: Well, even though he and Nicky have been married for almost a decade, I don't really know him that well. Even though he has his moments, he's a jerk. I mean, he, like everyone else rags on me for what I like. That's really all I can say about him.
Nicky pretty much wears the pants in their family.
My niece, Kaylyne: Even though she is a third grader, she is one of the most spoiled children ever. This is the product of her being the first granddaughter and granddaughter. She can be nice, but maybe the butting of heads between us comes from me being slightly childish myself, but she really needs to learn how to mind the ones put in charge of her.
My nephew, Zach: He's still a baby, so I really can't say a whole lot about him. He's young and doesn't know anything other than really what he wants. He is a little spoiled, but nothing that's very difficult to manage. It also helps that I find him absolutely adorable.
My sister, Johnna: Well, Johnna is frankly, in one succinct word, a follower. Maybe not in every aspect, but in enough to make her fit into that catagory. A heavy drinker, I feel that she's trying to either: kill the pain of something or hurt herself or possibly both. I tend to get along better with her most of the time, except she's the most volatile of all of us and blows up at some of the smallest things. She is very much Nicky's doormat. Even though, if you ask her or confront her about it, she will deny, deny, deny. For the longest time, Nicky drove Johnna's Escape and only put gas in it, sometimes. Johnna paid the payments and insurance and Nicky got the privelege to drive it around. At least Nicky and Greg have their own car now and Johnna can drive hers.
My brother, Billy (Bud): He's disgusting, a jerk. I do think that he needs to get away from this area for awhile, especially from my brother-in-law. Billy is one of those people, like myself, that when they are exposed to a certain personality for awhile, they tend to pick up that personality. Well, Greg is not the nicest person, and this is sort of magnified in Billy.
I say this because I'm not sure how to act. I wish I could just pick up and leave them, but I'm not about burning bridges, but living with everyone (except my mom) drives me apeshit...
That's about all I have to say about my family.
-----------------------------------------------
I do wish I could find a way to have a job and still do the sitting of the baby...I'm going to still try to babysit for awhile to help them out, but I don't want to be doing this at Christmas. Maybe I should look into doing some of those paid internet surveys, or something like that to maybe save up enough money to get Momo-chan going, or buy another car.
A list:
-Things I would like to save money for and do.-
1. Get a car running. (mainly so I can be independent and have a job that I can make it to everyday...)
2. Start paying on my student loans. (so that when I can take them out again, I won't owe quite so much when I graduate...)
3. Even though I don't really like school that much, go back and finish a bachelor's degree, so I can do the JET or ALT programs.
4. Go to Japan on a tourist visa. (preferably the time that nekuranotensai goes so that we can go to a myu and the JUMP store together.)
I'm hoping that by restricting myself severely that I should have an easier time saving money. Okay, I'm still going to get a couple of the things on my buy-list, just not around the same time. And I'm going to make up for those by not doing other things...
-------------------------------------------------
I want to express my concern for nekuranotensai and _snoogans_.
In the case of nekuranotensai, I just hope that she can get through her classes this and next semester with good marks and keep her sanity all the while.
With _snoogans_, she's sick and I hope that she feels better soon and beats all of that art kid bullshit.
...um...Well, I was going to discuss some other, more trivial things, but I kind of got a bit distacted, and got off track. I might write something like that later, but I feel a little better after nekuranotensai called me.
anno...bai bai.