One deep breath
So many things have been happening the past few days of my life. Responsibilities at home, at work, to my family, friends, Bryan, and even to the world (okay okay just responsibilities towards our clients which are sometimes so difficult and taxing to deal with..).. And I keep thinking is there ever going to be an end to all this conflict and misery, tiring and "sad" things in life?
A few mornings ago, I was lying on my bed and begging God to give me just 30 more minutes of sleep but I had to be somewhere at some broker's breakfast-lunch thing and I had to show myself and i had to be there, I had no choice. Even if I was tired or confused or feeling heavily inside my heart, I had to peel myself up and go go go. And I said, wow if this was school i could just cut, but too bad, there are just tooo much direct consequences if i don't get up!! So in the car I was thinking, how do people want to go on living when being an "adult" requires so much strength and effort. I was thinking, wow this isn't the first time my problem is no longer boy-related (hehe) and then I checked my multiply account and saw pictures of everything I did during the break or before that..
.. Well, since Boracay anyway and seeing Bryan's & Julian's photos with seaweeds for moustache "mosstache" and being borat.. To seeing Alessi's cutie cutie cute cute pictures pretending to do handstands.. Alessi & rafa rolling around the sand in bora, remembering Alessi's face when she fell asleep while we were enjoying a few drinks.. Pictures of our 2 trips to the states with Bryan.. OF COURSE, being immersed in a different culture in Espana, meeting so many different people especially that German 16 year old kid who chose to live away from his parents and borrowed 20 euros from Jella (hehehe).. To Ricky oh my golly golly the bartender I would so marry in a heartbeat and his charming smile (I swear I have never described a smile that way about anyone but man Ricky.. RICKY!!).. To coming across a really strange book in Portugal and leaving it in our hotel room because I was convinced it was bewitched.. To drinking cerveza con limon and speaking in Spanish to random Italians.. To spending sometime by myself in Salamanca, Madrid, Venice, PARIS!, Rome.. And oh my God the rain in Paris during the night we went to the Eiffel Tower.. Oh my God that was incredible and to screaming my heart out and singing with cousins and thinking of Bryan while getting so soaked under the Eiffel Tower.. And realizing that I needed these small intimate moments by myself and not everything in my life must have him in it for me to be happy.. And back to Manila... And then going to Bolinao with my family and Bryan and walking on the rocks and enjoying and taking in everything on my own while Bry tried to plead with the waves to bring back his slippers (he made a jump for it!) and from watching the sunset in Bolinao where there were no more other sorrounding islands around me and I could hear the waves crash soooo loud and telling Bryan how glad I am to see how big the world is because it makes me realize how there is so much space to absorb all the negative energies in my life.. And to letting so many other things in my heart go... And then to going to Batangas with the M boys and watching Bryan throw up even if deep inside I was getting a little pissed and to hearing Marion & Julian fight and scream at each other but see them magnetized to one another just hours later.. To buying fish in the market and to driving fast and being reckless with life and getting out of it in one piece just alive..
And that's only been the past 9 months in my life.. And I learned that despite all these difficulties and pains in life.. There's too much in this world that it's worth all for! Thank you.
A few mornings ago, I was lying on my bed and begging God to give me just 30 more minutes of sleep but I had to be somewhere at some broker's breakfast-lunch thing and I had to show myself and i had to be there, I had no choice. Even if I was tired or confused or feeling heavily inside my heart, I had to peel myself up and go go go. And I said, wow if this was school i could just cut, but too bad, there are just tooo much direct consequences if i don't get up!! So in the car I was thinking, how do people want to go on living when being an "adult" requires so much strength and effort. I was thinking, wow this isn't the first time my problem is no longer boy-related (hehe) and then I checked my multiply account and saw pictures of everything I did during the break or before that..
.. Well, since Boracay anyway and seeing Bryan's & Julian's photos with seaweeds for moustache "mosstache" and being borat.. To seeing Alessi's cutie cutie cute cute pictures pretending to do handstands.. Alessi & rafa rolling around the sand in bora, remembering Alessi's face when she fell asleep while we were enjoying a few drinks.. Pictures of our 2 trips to the states with Bryan.. OF COURSE, being immersed in a different culture in Espana, meeting so many different people especially that German 16 year old kid who chose to live away from his parents and borrowed 20 euros from Jella (hehehe).. To Ricky oh my golly golly the bartender I would so marry in a heartbeat and his charming smile (I swear I have never described a smile that way about anyone but man Ricky.. RICKY!!).. To coming across a really strange book in Portugal and leaving it in our hotel room because I was convinced it was bewitched.. To drinking cerveza con limon and speaking in Spanish to random Italians.. To spending sometime by myself in Salamanca, Madrid, Venice, PARIS!, Rome.. And oh my God the rain in Paris during the night we went to the Eiffel Tower.. Oh my God that was incredible and to screaming my heart out and singing with cousins and thinking of Bryan while getting so soaked under the Eiffel Tower.. And realizing that I needed these small intimate moments by myself and not everything in my life must have him in it for me to be happy.. And back to Manila... And then going to Bolinao with my family and Bryan and walking on the rocks and enjoying and taking in everything on my own while Bry tried to plead with the waves to bring back his slippers (he made a jump for it!) and from watching the sunset in Bolinao where there were no more other sorrounding islands around me and I could hear the waves crash soooo loud and telling Bryan how glad I am to see how big the world is because it makes me realize how there is so much space to absorb all the negative energies in my life.. And to letting so many other things in my heart go... And then to going to Batangas with the M boys and watching Bryan throw up even if deep inside I was getting a little pissed and to hearing Marion & Julian fight and scream at each other but see them magnetized to one another just hours later.. To buying fish in the market and to driving fast and being reckless with life and getting out of it in one piece just alive..
And that's only been the past 9 months in my life.. And I learned that despite all these difficulties and pains in life.. There's too much in this world that it's worth all for! Thank you.