live each day as if it was your last..

[pamanew]

this week is going to be so hectic.. and next week will be even worse for my family. death is a horrible thing to go through... too bad i never got to know him. we always thought he would be their.. no one ever expected this... i always thought i could go and visit once i got a started working and had a family. and it was just the other day we were sending pictures back and forth online. he was such a great guy... i dont know how gram can be so strong.. i love her so much.. she has lost 2 husbands and now a son.. i dont see how she can do it.. i would have already been put in a mental home. they are all going to england to say their goodbyes... all except my one aunt.. shes to afraid to fly. im so afraid to let them go.. its going to be so hard for them.. to finally see for their own eyes that he is gone.. i think everyone is in denial still.. seeing how he lives in england and we havent seen him for 16 years. i am so worried for the health in certian members of my family.. i hopw she goes to the hospital to get things figured out.. we couldnt stand to lose anyone else right now. this has made me realize that i need to start living my life differently.. i need to make alot of changes... because even if i dont die tomorrow someone i love might. i need to make myself a better person. well ya.. thats about all i want to say.. oh and sweetie is getting really old and is probably going to die within the week :( im debating on whether or not we should take her and put her down... she seems to be in alot of pain.. i dont know if i could go through with it tho. knowing i killed her when she might have had a chance... if she doesnt start eating soon.. i think we might have to do it.. because its not fair to her. i dont really want to think on it anymore tho. the week my gram, dad, and his sisters are going to england i have to go to chicago... i think i might have a nervous break down because.. i will be so worried about them flying across the ocean. and im worried on how they will take it. well i guess i will end this.. sorry for putting so much personal shit on here... just figured i would explain things so people dont question my mood. well i love u guys.. bye byes..
~*RIP Uncle Cliff*~