how can I be sad?
I dunno how when I should be happy with the ways things are...and I was for the most part...how I can suddenly feel...that gaping hole in my heart/that sinking feeling. I mean shit, I'm on freaking pills to cure that. I guess it can't cure everything...
God, sometimes I just feel so selfish, you know? They should be happy...I should want them to be happy...
...at least I have someone who loves me, and will do anything for me...and loves animals...and kisses my pet rat and plays with her all the time...someone who wants a future with me, someone who's family loves me and invited me on their family vacation, someone who is sensitive, someone who respects me....someone who misses me after a day, someone who would rather spend time watching a movie with me than drinking with his buddies...
Someone I don't know if I love all the same ways he loves me...I mean...I adore him, he's good-looking...obviously a great guy...but it's not totally fair to him. I dunno what to really do...I guess only the summer can tell.
Maybe...maybe the person who is still always in the back of my mind...will never be the person who wants my heart.
Maybe...maybe the person who wants all of me...will actually have all of me...
I want to cry, but I can't. And I don't really ever cry anymore...last time I cried was...for my last post back in feb.