"mummy, can i go out and kill tonight?"
charlie, pepi, bambi and i used to chill out in the mornings and it was all ultra friendly and too-casual.
bambi and i led parallel lives when it came to relationships and we had both broken up with our longterm boys and somehow taken on these replacement boys we had no real feelings for besides teddybear and friendship. they did things like buy us fresh flowers every week and take us jogging or to the dentist. when shit went down they were on the case and even though we laughed about how much they cared it was kindof nice.
chessboards. mirrors. lewis carroll.
[insert appropriate 'thru the looking glass' quotations here.]
when i weighed my speed every morning, just to be sure. on the little scales. just out of curiosity. just as a replacement to weighing the body.
SCALES R FOR FISH
i guess the only thing that kept me mildly sane was the four of us and how safe it all seemed. bambi and i had a major crush on each other at the club and we kissed in a photo booth when we first went out but after that we knew each other too well to really go there.
we tried to have a threesome one time with charlie in his dad's house which is a miracle- of- design, so wanky though..all white, james bond features, staircases which "appear" to be suspended in midair, the longest silver steel bar you ever saw, surfaces you aren't allowed to put champagne glasses on so whats the point, gorgeous insular japanese gardens.. but with us three it was like this massive case of bad timing. bambi was all over me and i was frightened, charlie wanted none of it and wanted to go home for a mix, and finally when bambi got over it and started to get dressed charlie wanted me to my surprise since he'd looked on bored at the lesbian show, but he just said it didn't feel right cause she was my best friend. heh.
the four of us togethr was good for us because apparently time alone with either of us girls was too-much, so we'd have narcissist talks til our ears bled or til bambi's xanax left her inside out on the couch, her hair in a pile on the floor. the boys wld talk about more important things like weird dj stuff we knew nothing about. pepi supplied the amphetamines + we supplied the tranqs. charlie wld cook us things even when he was really tired just to shut us up, and whenevr he'd cook junk food he always put a little salad on the side. pepi also provided the car, the perfectly chosen dvds and the mp3s.
while what bambi and i gave to the circle/square was stupid presents like robots and squishy luvhearts you could throw against the wall. some manic threat. or plea.
we could have went on forever like this. if maybe bambi had taken more xanax and i'd taken less, if pepi hadn't been so completely drugfucked and tried to pin bambi down into domestic 'bliss', medicated and picking up after his macedonian ass. if pepi hadn't matched her psychosis for psychosis, picking up shattered champagne flutes from the floor and creating a scary, unlikely wound in his forearm when all bambi made was a sympathy gash.
but my life is never as repetitious and delicious as i'd like it to be.
"ALL GOD DOES IS WATCH US AND KILL US WHEN WE GET BORING. WE MUST NEVER, EVER BE BORING."
their relationship frayed directly parallel to mine and charlies, and bambi and i stuck together siamese, both really bad and really good for each other.
the morning i lay in bed declaring endometriosis pains and she brought a textbook on the subject along with the stripper everyone hates for her pursed lips and slutty waddle, rose, who thought it might be best to have a sister- to- sister talk about our reproductive organs.
they were both 'fresh' from scummy revolver; thankfully outside in our alley bambi advised rose that it would not be 'appropriate' to wake me up to such a discussion.
charlie got really angry at our doorbell that says 'qiaohua'- over and fucking over.
bambi made charlie a stupid card once while exclaiming to me "who else would let me come over at 5am and listen to everything i have to say?!" i just thought, he tolerates you and humours you. which is exactly what he said to me, laughing, when he read the card.
for some reason everybody tolerates bambi..the bossiness, the mania, the same story twenty four times a day- my xanax, my secret eating disorder, my money is running out, my my my, my acrylics fell off...
bambi and i led parallel lives when it came to relationships and we had both broken up with our longterm boys and somehow taken on these replacement boys we had no real feelings for besides teddybear and friendship. they did things like buy us fresh flowers every week and take us jogging or to the dentist. when shit went down they were on the case and even though we laughed about how much they cared it was kindof nice.
chessboards. mirrors. lewis carroll.
[insert appropriate 'thru the looking glass' quotations here.]
when i weighed my speed every morning, just to be sure. on the little scales. just out of curiosity. just as a replacement to weighing the body.
SCALES R FOR FISH
i guess the only thing that kept me mildly sane was the four of us and how safe it all seemed. bambi and i had a major crush on each other at the club and we kissed in a photo booth when we first went out but after that we knew each other too well to really go there.
we tried to have a threesome one time with charlie in his dad's house which is a miracle- of- design, so wanky though..all white, james bond features, staircases which "appear" to be suspended in midair, the longest silver steel bar you ever saw, surfaces you aren't allowed to put champagne glasses on so whats the point, gorgeous insular japanese gardens.. but with us three it was like this massive case of bad timing. bambi was all over me and i was frightened, charlie wanted none of it and wanted to go home for a mix, and finally when bambi got over it and started to get dressed charlie wanted me to my surprise since he'd looked on bored at the lesbian show, but he just said it didn't feel right cause she was my best friend. heh.
the four of us togethr was good for us because apparently time alone with either of us girls was too-much, so we'd have narcissist talks til our ears bled or til bambi's xanax left her inside out on the couch, her hair in a pile on the floor. the boys wld talk about more important things like weird dj stuff we knew nothing about. pepi supplied the amphetamines + we supplied the tranqs. charlie wld cook us things even when he was really tired just to shut us up, and whenevr he'd cook junk food he always put a little salad on the side. pepi also provided the car, the perfectly chosen dvds and the mp3s.
while what bambi and i gave to the circle/square was stupid presents like robots and squishy luvhearts you could throw against the wall. some manic threat. or plea.
we could have went on forever like this. if maybe bambi had taken more xanax and i'd taken less, if pepi hadn't been so completely drugfucked and tried to pin bambi down into domestic 'bliss', medicated and picking up after his macedonian ass. if pepi hadn't matched her psychosis for psychosis, picking up shattered champagne flutes from the floor and creating a scary, unlikely wound in his forearm when all bambi made was a sympathy gash.
but my life is never as repetitious and delicious as i'd like it to be.
"ALL GOD DOES IS WATCH US AND KILL US WHEN WE GET BORING. WE MUST NEVER, EVER BE BORING."
their relationship frayed directly parallel to mine and charlies, and bambi and i stuck together siamese, both really bad and really good for each other.
the morning i lay in bed declaring endometriosis pains and she brought a textbook on the subject along with the stripper everyone hates for her pursed lips and slutty waddle, rose, who thought it might be best to have a sister- to- sister talk about our reproductive organs.
they were both 'fresh' from scummy revolver; thankfully outside in our alley bambi advised rose that it would not be 'appropriate' to wake me up to such a discussion.
charlie got really angry at our doorbell that says 'qiaohua'- over and fucking over.
bambi made charlie a stupid card once while exclaiming to me "who else would let me come over at 5am and listen to everything i have to say?!" i just thought, he tolerates you and humours you. which is exactly what he said to me, laughing, when he read the card.
for some reason everybody tolerates bambi..the bossiness, the mania, the same story twenty four times a day- my xanax, my secret eating disorder, my money is running out, my my my, my acrylics fell off...