Bad news
My balloon has been busted and at one point I'm going to cry like a 2 year old.
Remember how happy I was that Chico was doing better? Last week I didn't post about him, but he had been doing better. He's eating more and drinking more water. He gets up and walks around easier. He'll even get up of his own accord just to say hi. This weekend my parents had company and he actually tried to get up. He couldn't but he at least wiggled on the floor.
We took him to the vet on Sunday. Up until this Sunday he waited in the car because we didn't want him having to walk into the waiting room and then have to get up to go into the room. Well, he got antsy waiitng in the car this time and we had to bring him inside. He was wagging his tail at everyone who came in and then when it was our turn to go to a room, he tried to get up without any coaxing.
Inside, he walked around, and stood most of the time. The vet saw him and a bright smile lit her face. He wagged his tail and walked over to her. All his outer physical signs said he was getting better. He had gained another pound. He wasn't dehydrated anymore. He was moving around a lot better. His fever was gone. She wanted to do a blood test and she was hoping his cells to be back to normal. The machine was acting up and they had to send out for the blood work. But she said he'll probably only need to stay on the antibodies for about a week and then maybe we could take him off. Needless to say, we all left feeling a lot lighter.
The vet calls me today with the results of his tests. The white blood cells were back up and this time higher than the first time. They are now at 80.3 thousand. Plus, they found traces of another type of cell that I forgot what it was called but have it written down on my desk at my work. Anyways, this is an indicator of leukemia and we would need to do some kind of bone marrow exam which is painful I guess. The way the vet said it was, "I"m not sure if you want to put him through that" so I'm guessing it's not a good thing. She said that I should start thinking about putting him down. Or if he seems to be getting better, keep him on the antibodies and wait to see how things go.
And now I'm torn. He seems to be getting better, but I don't know if he's in pain. Plus, if he's still going to be sick does that mean he'll keep relapsing every so often? What kind of a life is that? I don't want to put him to sleep if he could surprise them all again and actually get better, but at the same time I don't want to be selfish and keep him alive just because I don't want to let go. I mean, he's showed us that he's scrappy. Maybe he's not ready to let go yet. Maybe he still wants to keep fighting and living. Or maybe it's because we want him to get better and it's actually us willing him to get better. I don't know.