Well, that bubble burst... Right in my face.... Wuu....=____='
Well, a lot of things just... happened... today.
My "free" place, is no longer free... after just a month...
My "life" is really no life at all... Just existence....
And suddenly I feel like everything I have is being pulled out from beneath me.... Not swift, no, that'd be too easy. But slowly..... Like ice, thinning under my feet.
I'm afraid that soon.... There will be nothing left......
I sat on the slide at the playground by my house....And cried. And cried. And cried. For about.... 3 hours... Today.
There were guys playing ultimate frisbee nearby....I'm pretty sure that they saw... and heard... me. But, I really don't care.
My life feels so.... Impossible.
So, I will start from the beginning:
You all, my **enormous** amount of readers out there.... You all know that I moved, recently, into my aunts house. The house where my... offenders... live. The only reason that I even live here is because my aunt promised my mother and I that I would be able to live here for free. At least for a little while.
Well, That, I guess, Means absolutely NOTHING now... I guess.
My aunt came up to me today, and told me I have to start paying rent. I just BARELY made my first paycheck, not even a week ago... I haven't even been working a WEEK, and she's already got me paying. I've only lived here a little over a month. . . My first paycheck... it was only $56..... that's HALF of what I owe for rent.
I mean... I get it, she's charging me on principle, not because of the money. . . But, She's asking for over 1/3rd of my entire paycheck. Every month. I work, part time. I'm trying to find another car. I'm trying......
This all feels so impossible.
So, I sat on the slide, and I planned. And I planned, and planned, and planned.
It actually all sounded quite perfect. Everyone's been gone for the past 5 hours or so. I've the house all to myself. Plenty of time, plenty of imagination. I want to give up... But now, it seems, when it all comes down to it, I'm a coward.
I want to give up. But I'm a coward. And I want to stand up for myself, but, I'm a coward.
So, I sat on the slide, and I decided... If anything, I would try to start taking things into my own hands. I'm going to do what I please. I'm going to start caring less about those who matter, and focusing my time on someone really important to me, who really does matter.
Myself.
I am going to lose weight. I am going to do whatever. And I mean it. I'm going to do whatever means necessary to keep myself feeling well. And, "happy."
<3
Damn, I should have moved to Oregon.