shadows on the road again.
now that my mind is a little less dark these days I think im going to start writing again... I feel its theraputic. It helps me gather my thoughts and remember my past as they really happened. Sometimes my awesome mind changes things so they are easier to deal with... And sometimes they just end up coming back to haunt me... only i dont remember them as they happened... and it makes things more difficult...
Ill be creating a new online presence I think. Im slowing becoming the person I used to be. Wild and krazie kayla... but all the wiser, smarter, and mature. Hopfully getting a new crew together... but thats still yet to be scene. New screen name, new email, new everything will be coming in the following weeks. There will be no link back to this journal from my new one. For those of you who care, you can find me on your own.
This journey is a step at a time... And I finally feel like im making progress. I dont know what I want anymore out of this life. I feel that my old goals need adjusting and I should make new ones. Im no longer concerned about finding someone to share my life with on an intimate level. Instead id rather just have good friends to share good times with and spend my nights alone. I sleep better now then I have in ages. I sleep longer. I dream more. I have things to look forward to.
Theres still a part of me that wishes I didnt exist. I know the road back to content is a long and hard jounrey and its not the first time ive had to fight from the pitts of hell to get back there. but this is the first time ive ever been forced to start from scratch. Its the first time Ive ever given my life to another person only to have them throw it away and leave me looking for it alone in the dark. I never thought Id have to go through this again. I thought I finally found a good thing. But whenever im possitivly sure about something that seems to be when everything goes to shit. thats why... Im living my life freebird style.
forget those human emotions. I refuse to completly attach myself to anyone anymore. Im living life on my own. On the road again. Relying on no one and nothing. Im ok with being alone every day and every night. I make due with the life that ive been given and ill die alone stubborn and cold if it means ill never go through that paid again.
Im ok with that.
Ill be creating a new online presence I think. Im slowing becoming the person I used to be. Wild and krazie kayla... but all the wiser, smarter, and mature. Hopfully getting a new crew together... but thats still yet to be scene. New screen name, new email, new everything will be coming in the following weeks. There will be no link back to this journal from my new one. For those of you who care, you can find me on your own.
This journey is a step at a time... And I finally feel like im making progress. I dont know what I want anymore out of this life. I feel that my old goals need adjusting and I should make new ones. Im no longer concerned about finding someone to share my life with on an intimate level. Instead id rather just have good friends to share good times with and spend my nights alone. I sleep better now then I have in ages. I sleep longer. I dream more. I have things to look forward to.
Theres still a part of me that wishes I didnt exist. I know the road back to content is a long and hard jounrey and its not the first time ive had to fight from the pitts of hell to get back there. but this is the first time ive ever been forced to start from scratch. Its the first time Ive ever given my life to another person only to have them throw it away and leave me looking for it alone in the dark. I never thought Id have to go through this again. I thought I finally found a good thing. But whenever im possitivly sure about something that seems to be when everything goes to shit. thats why... Im living my life freebird style.
forget those human emotions. I refuse to completly attach myself to anyone anymore. Im living life on my own. On the road again. Relying on no one and nothing. Im ok with being alone every day and every night. I make due with the life that ive been given and ill die alone stubborn and cold if it means ill never go through that paid again.
Im ok with that.