(no subject)
Desperate for changing,
Starving for truth.
School was... I don't even know. I don't know who I can trust here anymore because apparently all of my so called friends are talking about me behind my back about what I've been doing over the past couple months.
Okay.
I know I've made mistakes, okay? I've made a lot of them as a result of everything that's been going on around here and my mind set of going to Boston in a couple of months. But I'm trying to fix everything. I'm trying. But nobody's perfect! I haven't tripped in over a week and I don't plan on doing it very often. I'm back in school and actually have motivation to do well. I'm trying to be a better friend towards everybody I know I've neglected since me a Justin started dating. I'm trying to be better. I'm trying.
But apparently trying isn't good enough because I can't fix the big things. I can't get back one of the best friends I've ever had because in her mind I've made the biggest mistake of all. Hell, I can't say I blame her. If I were in her place, and she had had sex with one of my ex boyfriends who meant that much to me, I'd react the same way. I know I've brought all of this upon myself and I don't blame anybody but myself. I didn't have sex with him to hurt her, though. I love him so much. He means everything to me and I wanted to. I know I should have considered her more but there's nothing I can do about it now. I know I probably should have listened to her more but there's nothing I can do about it now. I'm trying to fix things.. I am. I've apologized my heart out more than once but I just don't know how to fix this...
This is just killing me, because I have no one to talk to about this but a journal of online people who don't even know me. Because according to her and everyone else I'm "going down the wrong path", but I'm not seeing that, because I'm not seeing (at this point) what I'm even doing. I haven't drank, I haven't taken any drugs, I'm going to school and attempting to get the best grades I can...
I'm trying my hardest and it's getting me nowhere. I don't know what to do.
So I guess I'll do some homework.
I'm falling even more in love with you,
letting go of all I held onto.
I'm standing here until you make me move,
I'm hanging by a moment here with you...
Starving for truth.
School was... I don't even know. I don't know who I can trust here anymore because apparently all of my so called friends are talking about me behind my back about what I've been doing over the past couple months.
Okay.
I know I've made mistakes, okay? I've made a lot of them as a result of everything that's been going on around here and my mind set of going to Boston in a couple of months. But I'm trying to fix everything. I'm trying. But nobody's perfect! I haven't tripped in over a week and I don't plan on doing it very often. I'm back in school and actually have motivation to do well. I'm trying to be a better friend towards everybody I know I've neglected since me a Justin started dating. I'm trying to be better. I'm trying.
But apparently trying isn't good enough because I can't fix the big things. I can't get back one of the best friends I've ever had because in her mind I've made the biggest mistake of all. Hell, I can't say I blame her. If I were in her place, and she had had sex with one of my ex boyfriends who meant that much to me, I'd react the same way. I know I've brought all of this upon myself and I don't blame anybody but myself. I didn't have sex with him to hurt her, though. I love him so much. He means everything to me and I wanted to. I know I should have considered her more but there's nothing I can do about it now. I know I probably should have listened to her more but there's nothing I can do about it now. I'm trying to fix things.. I am. I've apologized my heart out more than once but I just don't know how to fix this...
This is just killing me, because I have no one to talk to about this but a journal of online people who don't even know me. Because according to her and everyone else I'm "going down the wrong path", but I'm not seeing that, because I'm not seeing (at this point) what I'm even doing. I haven't drank, I haven't taken any drugs, I'm going to school and attempting to get the best grades I can...
I'm trying my hardest and it's getting me nowhere. I don't know what to do.
So I guess I'll do some homework.
I'm falling even more in love with you,
letting go of all I held onto.
I'm standing here until you make me move,
I'm hanging by a moment here with you...