(no subject)
"On the threshold of spring door by door the world is unlocked"
wow, May 1...what's today? international worker's day?
19 days left...........but who's counting.
this year, spring fling was undeniably fulfilling. thank god for bill irina john EVERYONE. I don't even know what to say. despite crying and other varied moments of intensity, it was cathartic without being tragic or damaging. it was closure. i even finally watched the movie on the lawn this time, vended, danced, saw my heartbreakers, their heartbreakers, good poetry, tackled, bounced, smoked, drank...loved...blabla
ive just been in this mad spiritual state and right now im going to be up all night doing this translation journal which wont top my last one but I just keep seeing things and my heart feels weird, i really wish i didnt inherit all these issues, and im tapping into something that really needs to be tapped into but not tonight. i imagine things moving when they're not, what is this. i dont know, but i love ..my face feels slow and weird haha oh man im having so much fun i wonder if someone slipped shrooms into my water or something?!?! whats going on. heightened reality like woah. ok back to these beautiful turkish translations
uninhibited bodily force ive got right now, not really good for internetting.
belly dancers were incredible, i love the way they move through space
i love pms euphoria and strange blasts of new ways to feel reality.
like, why eat shroom chocolate when this shit just comes to me?
colin's show was really incredible, it was such a flashback to the summer but also the fullness and beauty that he is and that I've always felt inspired by from him. its too bad we didn't have more time for our friendship on this beautiful campus.
I went through identity relocation identity crisis again today. but im not going to stay at bard in june. i need to quit cold turkey. i said that to joe the other day, he laughed.
i wonder what the HELL he thinks.
anyway....
dancing was really good all weekend, loosening, feeling, watching, listening with your body. figuring out what gives me a rush, imagining things, embracing the glow of light i am so so so SO lucky to find in the people and moments that I love. and hate. the history of me and us, here, unfurled in the transference of energy and circumstance and vanilla ice cream and hats and madonna songs and orange dresses and aloe vera.
i want everyone to just listen to their body and to get out of their heads and just feel and share and engage and let down the guard. and i want to remember to do that too. a lot of colors and smells...flowers, sun tan lotion, faculty babies, bouncing, toes, bbq, toothpicks...i just wish i knew how to describe it all...talks with nina, swings, transitions, gauging friendships. iced tea. sometimes without the sugar. i feel like everyone just transformed. i mean thats the only word for it, transformative. coming back to myself. letting go of whats been plaguing me in a lot of ways. stopping myself and thinking "this is the moment i want to remember." or better yet "this moment is REAL" not just the moment that I wish it could be. thats always the fucking tricky part. but i think there was a lot of presence this weekend. and thats what rocks. being present. even if its giving advice/getting advice/telling the dj to stop stopping the songs midway/eating almonds in B's suite, massaging Page, feeling every part of my back sink into the concrete I laid on today...you love love love love and then you die. something like that? where did I read that?!?!? i bitch and bitch and bitch about wanting to be alone and needing space and wanting to think but thank the fucking water lords for everyone who has kept me engaged and stimulated. im launched.
i painted. im poetrying. I sit with certain people and we just feel each other's existence. there's stillness but vibrancy
OK oK ok...back to work.
i have to write a speech about my senior proj to give to the lifetime learner society on wednesday, have to figure out astor home plans...open mic in woodstock tomorrow with irina... im sunburned. my guitar has a huge crack in it. not cool. meeting david was cool... it just kind of happened, he was reading, he has a charming smile, poof, we clicked and I have an interesting new friend, regardless of how fleeting, it leaves a mark. there were others.
my camera LCD screen is busted. I almost cried but honestly, I was too busy to stop and process it. good.
"Apples cradled in her arms: her breasts cool, the apples warm."
wow, May 1...what's today? international worker's day?
19 days left...........but who's counting.
this year, spring fling was undeniably fulfilling. thank god for bill irina john EVERYONE. I don't even know what to say. despite crying and other varied moments of intensity, it was cathartic without being tragic or damaging. it was closure. i even finally watched the movie on the lawn this time, vended, danced, saw my heartbreakers, their heartbreakers, good poetry, tackled, bounced, smoked, drank...loved...blabla
ive just been in this mad spiritual state and right now im going to be up all night doing this translation journal which wont top my last one but I just keep seeing things and my heart feels weird, i really wish i didnt inherit all these issues, and im tapping into something that really needs to be tapped into but not tonight. i imagine things moving when they're not, what is this. i dont know, but i love ..my face feels slow and weird haha oh man im having so much fun i wonder if someone slipped shrooms into my water or something?!?! whats going on. heightened reality like woah. ok back to these beautiful turkish translations
uninhibited bodily force ive got right now, not really good for internetting.
belly dancers were incredible, i love the way they move through space
i love pms euphoria and strange blasts of new ways to feel reality.
like, why eat shroom chocolate when this shit just comes to me?
colin's show was really incredible, it was such a flashback to the summer but also the fullness and beauty that he is and that I've always felt inspired by from him. its too bad we didn't have more time for our friendship on this beautiful campus.
I went through identity relocation identity crisis again today. but im not going to stay at bard in june. i need to quit cold turkey. i said that to joe the other day, he laughed.
i wonder what the HELL he thinks.
anyway....
dancing was really good all weekend, loosening, feeling, watching, listening with your body. figuring out what gives me a rush, imagining things, embracing the glow of light i am so so so SO lucky to find in the people and moments that I love. and hate. the history of me and us, here, unfurled in the transference of energy and circumstance and vanilla ice cream and hats and madonna songs and orange dresses and aloe vera.
i want everyone to just listen to their body and to get out of their heads and just feel and share and engage and let down the guard. and i want to remember to do that too. a lot of colors and smells...flowers, sun tan lotion, faculty babies, bouncing, toes, bbq, toothpicks...i just wish i knew how to describe it all...talks with nina, swings, transitions, gauging friendships. iced tea. sometimes without the sugar. i feel like everyone just transformed. i mean thats the only word for it, transformative. coming back to myself. letting go of whats been plaguing me in a lot of ways. stopping myself and thinking "this is the moment i want to remember." or better yet "this moment is REAL" not just the moment that I wish it could be. thats always the fucking tricky part. but i think there was a lot of presence this weekend. and thats what rocks. being present. even if its giving advice/getting advice/telling the dj to stop stopping the songs midway/eating almonds in B's suite, massaging Page, feeling every part of my back sink into the concrete I laid on today...you love love love love and then you die. something like that? where did I read that?!?!? i bitch and bitch and bitch about wanting to be alone and needing space and wanting to think but thank the fucking water lords for everyone who has kept me engaged and stimulated. im launched.
i painted. im poetrying. I sit with certain people and we just feel each other's existence. there's stillness but vibrancy
OK oK ok...back to work.
i have to write a speech about my senior proj to give to the lifetime learner society on wednesday, have to figure out astor home plans...open mic in woodstock tomorrow with irina... im sunburned. my guitar has a huge crack in it. not cool. meeting david was cool... it just kind of happened, he was reading, he has a charming smile, poof, we clicked and I have an interesting new friend, regardless of how fleeting, it leaves a mark. there were others.
my camera LCD screen is busted. I almost cried but honestly, I was too busy to stop and process it. good.
"Apples cradled in her arms: her breasts cool, the apples warm."