(no subject)
I love overhearing people's acknowledgement pages in henderson, and all the beautiful stories to go along with it :) hehe I just squirted some of them with my water gun...and took pictures...
wow, ok, focus.
The problem with doing all this heart chakra expanding yoga is that you become really really sensitive to when these parts of your body feel pain/vulnerable. Ok, the upside to that is that you also become aware of the positive moments of empowerment and energy surges....But the fact that I think about certain people, and my heart falls or dips or twists...I don't know if I'm okay with being that open and honest with myself right now.
Did I mention my dandy dilemma earlier?? I finished chapter one, the final version, it was prestine and beautiful, like nothing I've ever written....
but.........
I managed to save it as a temporary file. So when I closed it, it just disappeared, couldn't be found. After crying some and asking everyone in new henderson for help, I co-opted all the advice and went into my email, found an old version of the chapter, opened it as a temporary file again and tried to actually SAVE AS to see WHERE it would be saved in hopes of finding its more edited and revised sibling. LOW AND BEHOLD it WORKED. But what do I do? WHAT DO I DO??? I CONFIRM THE "SAVE AS" SO the OLD chapter WRITES OVER the new chapter. I SAVE the old one OVER the new one since they have the same title.
Gone.
hours of work, just gone.
I was a bit hysterical.
here is the email I wrote to the many many friends that I called.
well, two.
but come on.
then I just fixed it and moved on. sure it took two extra hours but whatever. now its really done and other than the painful repetition embedded in my analysis, it's pretty ok :)
I just hate that panicked sense of loss. Hey, I'm really bad at letting go. It's really that simple. And this quality doesn't transcend my technological trauma either.
hey, sorry for being a tool earlier. I'm fine. I re-wrote it and it wasn't so painful. I was having watergun fights and prancing around in wet grass with brittany most of the night anyway so I really misjudged how long it all took me to write :) I did waste time re-writing but I suppose I learned something important..............do not attempt to move to another computer and be careless about your saving techniques in a fit of hurry and obsession to try to eye the door to see if your ex will walk in..............have I learned nothing from the sacrifices my mother has made for love? I guess I learned all I need to know. This is about microsoft word. not love. sort of.
I have all these 'notes for conclusion' written all over my arm. Rob will think I'm truly a wreck. What is this all for..............................a good reccomendation? a good grade? What if neither of these things get validated?
This is about incredible friends, funny nights, learning about my past, my own collective constitution of self...I went to Romania to write this thing?! woah. I just can't believe it, ya know? Getting so deep inside of these people's stories....
Ananta held me while I cried, I'm a bit embarassed...................
liz just printed her entire project. i hope she is singing opera very loudly in her room right now. I took a picture of the stack she pumped out of that printer. shes really something =).
this was a good experience...like, how holistic..."working on the project and then all this stuff is lost, computer is asshole, moment of panic, less than 48 hours before due date" it had to happen for life to make sense.
thank you for your soothing voice :)
love
raluca
wow, ok, focus.
The problem with doing all this heart chakra expanding yoga is that you become really really sensitive to when these parts of your body feel pain/vulnerable. Ok, the upside to that is that you also become aware of the positive moments of empowerment and energy surges....But the fact that I think about certain people, and my heart falls or dips or twists...I don't know if I'm okay with being that open and honest with myself right now.
Did I mention my dandy dilemma earlier?? I finished chapter one, the final version, it was prestine and beautiful, like nothing I've ever written....
but.........
I managed to save it as a temporary file. So when I closed it, it just disappeared, couldn't be found. After crying some and asking everyone in new henderson for help, I co-opted all the advice and went into my email, found an old version of the chapter, opened it as a temporary file again and tried to actually SAVE AS to see WHERE it would be saved in hopes of finding its more edited and revised sibling. LOW AND BEHOLD it WORKED. But what do I do? WHAT DO I DO??? I CONFIRM THE "SAVE AS" SO the OLD chapter WRITES OVER the new chapter. I SAVE the old one OVER the new one since they have the same title.
Gone.
hours of work, just gone.
I was a bit hysterical.
here is the email I wrote to the many many friends that I called.
well, two.
but come on.
then I just fixed it and moved on. sure it took two extra hours but whatever. now its really done and other than the painful repetition embedded in my analysis, it's pretty ok :)
I just hate that panicked sense of loss. Hey, I'm really bad at letting go. It's really that simple. And this quality doesn't transcend my technological trauma either.
hey, sorry for being a tool earlier. I'm fine. I re-wrote it and it wasn't so painful. I was having watergun fights and prancing around in wet grass with brittany most of the night anyway so I really misjudged how long it all took me to write :) I did waste time re-writing but I suppose I learned something important..............do not attempt to move to another computer and be careless about your saving techniques in a fit of hurry and obsession to try to eye the door to see if your ex will walk in..............have I learned nothing from the sacrifices my mother has made for love? I guess I learned all I need to know. This is about microsoft word. not love. sort of.
I have all these 'notes for conclusion' written all over my arm. Rob will think I'm truly a wreck. What is this all for..............................a good reccomendation? a good grade? What if neither of these things get validated?
This is about incredible friends, funny nights, learning about my past, my own collective constitution of self...I went to Romania to write this thing?! woah. I just can't believe it, ya know? Getting so deep inside of these people's stories....
Ananta held me while I cried, I'm a bit embarassed...................
liz just printed her entire project. i hope she is singing opera very loudly in her room right now. I took a picture of the stack she pumped out of that printer. shes really something =).
this was a good experience...like, how holistic..."working on the project and then all this stuff is lost, computer is asshole, moment of panic, less than 48 hours before due date" it had to happen for life to make sense.
thank you for your soothing voice :)
love
raluca