The Mask You Wear - part 2
Jared flicked his phone open and pressed down number four. He waited a moment for the line to open, tucking a twelve pack under his arm and locking up his truck. "Beer and football?" Jared asked as soon as Jensen answered his phone.
"Tonight?" Jensen asked.
"Now. I'm at you door. Open up." Jared pounded the door to let Jensen know he was actually there. Jensen sounded more surprised than anything and Jared wondered if Jensen had thought that he wouldn't call or stick around. Did Jensen really think so little of him? It bothered him and he quietly thought how had Jensen's other friends treated him? Then he realized how ridiculous the whole situation was. The only thing that had changed is part of Jensen's face and Jared couldn't really get how that is supposed to have an affect on anything. He wouldn't turn his back to a friend over something like this.
The door rattled open and Jared handed the beer to Jensen. "Put that in the refrigerator. I'm not gonna drink it warm." As he walked in Jensen just stood there with the beer and Jared turned to him. "What?"
Jensen was quiet for a moment then he looked down on himself and raised his eyebrows. "I don't see 'Padalecki's bitch' written anywhere on me."
Jared froze for a second and was just about to apologize when he realized that Jensen was only teasing him. "It's on your ass," Jared laughed and swatted Jensen's behind. "Chris still around?" He asked as casual as he could.
"Why?"
Jared shrugged trying to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal. He didn't really want Jensen to think that he was too interested in what type of relationship Jensen and Chris had. "I just got an impression that he was staying with you."
"He’s been crashing in the guest room. He was around after the accident but then somehow ended up staying after his lease expired and he didn't have a new place yet. Been too lazy to kick his ass out since he can whip up a decent meal every now and then." Jensen seemed to relax a little and Jared couldn't help smiling at him.
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A few days later Jared pulled his truck up to Jensen's yard late in the afternoon and felt weirdly nervous about the whole thing. Jensen had sent him a text about a barbecue he was having with his friends and it was the first in a long while. It really seemed like things were getting back to normal. As Jared let the dogs out of the truck and locked it, he really wished that he was right about the fact and that his and Jensen's friendship would take a turn back to what it used to be.
He took a step away from the car and it took him a second to realize that the leashes were tangled around his knees and he was already falling down. He was laughing as Jensen opened the front door, and all three Padaleckis were sprawled all over his front yard with Jared on the ground and Harley trying to pull him up by his sleeve and Sadie on the other side licking his ear, with honest doggy worry all over her furry face. "Find something?" Jensen asked and the dogs tried to rush to him. Jared cursed as the leash around his calf tightened.
"Do you mind that I brought the dogs?" Jared asked when he finally got up brushing dust out of his clothes. "They've been with the sitter far too much already. They barely know me anymore."
Jensen scratched Sadie's ears and shook his head. "No. I could really use some intelligent company anyway," he teased.
They had been hanging out a lot since Jared's movie had finally wrapped up and he was determined to take his time and find a good one next. And what he never really got around to telling Jensen was, he was trying to find something in LA. He had already explained it to himself that he just wanted to spend time at home for a while. If he worked in LA he would get to stay with the dogs and see his friends and it definitely didn't have any specific connection to Jensen in any way as far as Jared could see.
They went into the backyard and Jared nodded to Chris who was standing by the grill. Steve and a few other of Jensen's friends greeted him and he let the dogs off their leashes. Sadie nudged herself beside Chris and looked up at him with big sad eyes. "She knows who's in charge of cooking."
Chris leaned down to pet her. "All dogs love me."
"They love the fact that you're weak willed and give them treats easily," Jared laughed and took the beer handed to him and sat down to enjoy the company. He knew from experience that Jensen's friends could totally throw a decent barbeque where he could just chill and be himself. With his own friends they usually ended up in a trendy club and as much as he liked Chad and the guys, it was usually more tiring than relaxing to go out with them.
By the end of the night Chris had gotten his guitar out and was trying to get Jensen to sing with them. "C'mon, don't be a pussy," Chris said to Jensen.
"Nah," Jensen shrugged. "Why don't you get Steve to do it?"
"Because I hear him all the time," Chris said and just barely dodged the hamburger bun Steve threw at him. They all laughed as Harley and Sadie went after the bun that rolled on the grass knocking Chris over as they went.
"Just do it Jen," Jared coaxed and Jensen looked at him. For a second Jared saw something soften in Jensen's eyes. Jared didn't know what it meant and didn't really try to guess. Lately he had started getting these strange feelings around Jensen that he couldn't, or didn't want to, explain. And sometimes he had a vague feeling that maybe, just maybe, Jensen felt those too.
Jared had caught Steve watching the two of them and when Steve pulled Jensen aside to say something to him, Jared tried to tell himself it wasn't jealousy he felt before realizing that maybe Steve had just noticed the thing going on between Jared and Jensen. He didn't really know why he felt like he should explain himself to the guy somehow, but as Steve went back to Chris and challenged him to play one of the songs they were working on, Jared just pushed the thoughts as far into the back of his head as he could.
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"That's why I don't go out," Jensen said as a small child started to cry as they walked past. They had taken the shortcut through the park near Jensen's house to get to the nearest supermarket and on the way Jensen sheepishly had let Jared know that it was the furthest he had gone by foot in months. He had driven to the store once or twice but he had mostly gone to get basics from the little corner shop just down the street. Other than that he had been letting Chris do his shopping for him and taken full advantage of the take-away places around town. Jared secretly suspected that the handicapped sticker that he had seen in Jensen's kitchen had something to do with his reluctance to use his car but kept quiet since he didn't know if that was the whole deal or not.
Jared laughed softly. "I think it's just the ugly shirt you're wearing," he tried to distract Jensen from the topic that made Jensen clearly want to turn back and run even if he didn't say it.
"Says the fashion guru himself," Jensen said dryly, eyeing Jared's flowery t-shirt that was so bright Jensen had complained he needed to put his shades on to save the eyesight he had left when Jared had arrived at his doorstep demanding they go get food and hang out.
Jared muttered an insult under his breath, but secretly he really enjoyed the smile that spread across Jensen's face as they seemed to fall back into the friendly bickering they had kept going on for years while filming together. He hadn't really gotten a real smile out of Jensen since they started hanging out again even though he had tried on more than one occasion. Now he felt good about it and warm feelings fluttered in his chest as he saw Jensen relax a little. Jared couldn't quite place the unfamiliar feeling and he felt heat gather onto his face as he realized that he was staring and Jensen was looking at him questioningly, he quickly turned his gaze away, brushing the whole thing off as having been really worried about Jensen.
They never got around to buying real food, only sticking to candy, frozen pizzas and a twelve pack of beer. Jared almost got them thrown out of the store after acting out the best bits of his up and coming film with a banana as his gun. Jared knew he was making a total fool out of himself but getting Jensen to smile like that was really worth every single bad look he got from the other people in the store. And if someone managed to take pictures with their camera phone, he at least hoped that they were of him, since he really didn't know how Jensen would feel about getting unwanted attention. Jared thought that he should maybe tone down his behavior until he had talked to Jensen about it, but Jensen was still looking happy and that really felt like the only thing that should matter.
On the way back to Jensen's they ran into Chris who looked more than surprised to see Jensen that far from his front door. "I'm going to be at Steve's tonight. We're working on a new project so I might not be back until late. Or I'll just crash on his couch."
"I'm not your babysitter. You're free to come and go as you like," Jensen said and Jared just smiled at Jensen. Even though most of his attention was on Jensen he couldn't help but notice how Chris was all smiles as he looked at Jensen but how his expression got stern and harsh as his gaze shifted to Jared. If Jared didn't know better he would have sworn that the look on Chris' face was exactly the same as he remembered giving his sister's new boyfriend he really didn't trust. He sort of wanted to tell Chris that there was nothing to worry about but when he looked at Jensen he felt something that he really couldn't deny being there in the first place.
"You coming or what?" Jensen's voice cut in on Jared's thoughts. He shook his head to lose the uneasy feeling before nodding and going after Jensen who was already twenty feet ahead. As he caught up with Jensen he glanced back to see Chris watching them go with a narrowed look that was more suspicious than anything else.
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Back at the house Jensen popped the pizzas in oven and threw the candy to Jared. "Get the beer and set up the game." He smirked as he pulled a bag of chips from the cupboard. "Get ready to have you ass kicked."
"Madden?" Jared asked catching the chips flying through the air.
"Damn straight."
Two hours later Jared was feeling more than a little buzzed. Jensen uncapped another beer and yelped as Jared's team got another touchdown while Jensen's attention was away from the screen. "Not fair!" Jensen laughed and placed his beer down.
"Is it my fault that your eyes aren't on the game?" Jared asked and made a face even if he knew how childish he must have looked at that moment. Jensen's eyes wrinkled with a wide smile and Jared felt his heart flutter. "You hair's getting long." He reached out and pushed Jensen's hair off his forehead.
"Should get it cut," Jensen said and leaned away as Jared's fingertips brushed gently against the scar running down his temple. The touch was soft, just barely there, but Jared could see how uncomfortable and tense Jensen was all of a sudden. Jared pulled his hand back and tried to look away. A sudden feeling of overwhelming affection rushed through him as he turned and his eyes met Jensen's again. He felt his heart pound so hard that he was afraid Jensen would hear it. He wanted to get up and run, tell Jensen that he had to go, but he just couldn't. Instead he raised his hand and slid a trembling palm behind Jensen's head to rest it right on the nape of Jensen's neck. Jensen's gaze shot up. His expression open and surprised. And for a second Jared saw something there. Something he couldn't quite recognize but which still made him feel good inside. Confident, and definitely without thinking, he leaned forward to breathe in the scent of Jensen's skin. He didn't even take a notice of how he was shaking all over. He just breathed in the scent of Jensen's aftershave, his shampoo and the soft, warm saltiness of sweat. Something that was just Jensen. Jared stayed there for the longest moment, resting his forehead against Jensen's hair, his nose pressed on Jensen's skin letting the silent realizations finally sink in. He was falling in love with Jensen. If he already hadn't been for years.
"Jared?" Jensen's voice was rough when he finally spoke like he hadn't used it for hours. The magic was broken so fast and Jared could feel the quiet shock settling into his limbs. Had he crossed the line? Done something he couldn't fix? He searched Jensen's face for signs of discomfort but found absolutely nothing.
As Jensen finally smiled carefully, hopefully, Jared's heart jumped and he took a deep breath. "Is there something? Do you think...?" He never got a chance to finish his sentence as Jensen leaned forward and brought their lips together. It wasn't quite a kiss, just Jensen mouthing on Jared's lips. Jared was still too shocked and frozen to do anything and it took a good while before he realized that Jensen was actually kissing him. As Jensen's lips parted slightly, his soft tongue lapping on Jared's lips, Jared finally relaxed and parted his lips to let Jensen in. Jensen tasted like gummiworms and beer and he was just so warm under Jared's touch. Jared could feel the knot that had formed in his gut melt down into a soft warmness spreading in his body.
Jared's lips felt hot and swollen but he couldn't let go. The need of having Jensen so close was too much and he pulled Jensen closer and leaned back. They fell on the couch in one big mess of tangled limbs; the game was still in the background, long forgotten. Jensen's hands were everywhere and Jared couldn't help sliding his under Jensen's shirt to feel his skin. Jensen was already aiming lower, his hand between them stroking Jared's cock through the worn denim of his jeans. Jared bucked his hips up to meet Jensen's touch. He could feel the heat of Jensen's arousal against his hip and just feeling that sent shivers up his spine. He couldn't do anything else except moan against Jensen's mouth, those fucking gorgeous lips he had never really thought of kissing before, but couldn't even begin to explain why he hadn't done this before now. Because this was amazing. And it wasn't just the touching, but the fact that it was Jensen who was doing the touching. Jensen, who he had worked with, lived with and loved. All these years maybe and he had had no idea.
"Jared?"
Jared was shaken out of his thoughts. He realized that he must have been spacing out on Jensen and shook his head a little to bring himself back to reality.
"Is this... Is this okay?" Jensen asked quietly, backing away just enough for their eyes to meet. The worry in his eyes was enough to bring Jared back to the present.
"Oh God yes," Jared said quickly as he pulled Jensen closer. "I want this. I want you." He couldn't say more and really hoped that Jensen would understand what he meant. That he didn't just want this but all of it. He wanted to touch and be touched and love and God he just wanted Jensen to be his. He thought he might have actually growled as he grabbed Jensen and pushed him down on the couch practically tearing Jensen's jeans open to get his hand inside, wrapping it around Jensen's leaking cock while desperately kissing Jensen. He pushed Jensen's shirt up with one hand to get as much skin to skin contact as he could with all the clothes they still had on. Clearly Jensen was already on the same page with him, yanking Jared's shirt open and sending loose buttons flying.
"Wanted to rip that hideous thing off you when you came over this morning." Jensen told him, gasping for air, as they broke the kiss and Jared laughed. It seemed like Jensen had been onto this for a while longer than he had, but he could ask about it later. Now he just cared about getting Jensen off and touching him everywhere with his free hand.
Jensen rocked up against him and Jared stroked him best he could with his hand practically trapped between their bodies. Jensen managed to get one hand between them too, just enough to open Jared's belt and push his loose jeans down. Jared closed his eyes when Jensen's strong fingers curled around the base of his hard cock and he almost came before Jensen had even a chance to move. He moaned into Jensen's mouth and moved his hips just enough for their cocks to rub together and it felt so good. They stroked each other and rocked together like teenagers trying to get off just by rubbing together. Jared felt Jensen tense up under him and as he had just managed to tighten his grip on Jensen’s cock, giving him a few more firm strokes, he felt Jensen coming between them and couldn't help but buck his cock against Jensen spreading the slick mess all over before adding his own to it.
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The shift from friends to lovers seemed easier than Jared had expected. They were already so comfortable with each other. Most days they hung out at Jensen's house and Jared couldn't really tell the difference between the times they had been just friends and now. Except that now, when the newfound urges to touch Jensen hit him full on, he actually could do it. And when they sprawled out on the sofa to relax, Jensen was pressed tightly against him and Jared could just wrap his long arms around Jensen's waist pressing his nose into Jensen's skin and giving him soft kisses along his neck. It still surprised him every time how naturally they fit together. Even if he knew from long before that he was in love with Jensen, it was these little moments that made him realize how much he actually loved Jensen already.
When Jared had stayed over for the first time, it had been a bit strange since Chris had been there too. Chris had been the first to know about their relationship and Jared still felt uncomfortable around him. He was a little on edge, waiting for Chris to come and give him the third degree about dating Jensen. Jared figured out that Chris' version wouldn't only include 'don't hurt him', but 'hurt him and you'll find your balls nailed on the wall'. After a few awkward mornings, Chris had packed his things and told Jensen that his babysitting job was definitely over and with a heartfelt 'you know where to find me if you need me' he had moved his things to Steve's. After Chris had left Jared had felt the need to apologize.
Jensen just laughed. "It'll do Chris good to spend time with Steve. They'd finally get some work done and maybe get their heads out of their asses."
Jared raised his eyebrows. He knew he wasn't the most aware of his surroundings, but sometimes it felt like other people were light-years ahead.
"They've been circling each other since they met. Never admitted a thing, both of them dating practically every other person they meet, but never getting serious with anyone," Jensen explained. "Haven't you noticed? Chris can probably hide it better, but Steve, he's just as hopeless as Chris is blind when it comes to Steve."
That confused Jared a bit. "Is there something in the water?"
"How come?" Jensen asked.
"Since all of a sudden everyone seems to be a bit gay." Jared watched Jensen's expression change from confused to amused in the blink of an eye.
"Chris and Steve are hardly 'everyone'. They've always been... connected, I think," Jensen said, his face open and honest. Their eyes met and Jared's heart fluttered as Jensen's voice went real soft when he quietly added: "Like us."
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They never really talked about dating exclusively or being boyfriends but Jensen had made it clear from the day one that he wasn't going to see other people. As if Jared hadn't already known it. And when it came to Jared, he had always been the type to commit to one person. He didn't really like dating around, and because they were already so familiar with each other, Jared didn't really think they needed to date before being able to say that they were exclusive.
As days went by they easily settled in to a routine. Jared was bringing the dogs with him more and more and usually ended up staying the night. They slept close together, curled up on Jensen's bed and it felt like they had done it forever instead of just a few weeks. At first they had been wearing their boxers to bed, but when Jensen had told Jared, a little shyly, that he actually preferred to sleep naked, Jared had just laughed and wiggled out of his shorts and wrapped Jensen up into his arms. Their hard bodies pressed together under the soft blankets. Jared couldn't help but wonder a little why the whole thing never bothered him. He had never really thought about being with a guy. He was kind of waiting for the shock to settle in, the big identity crisis or something like that, but it never happened. Instead he found out that he liked touching Jensen and that he actually yearned to be touched by Jensen.
At times it seemed like Jared had woken up to something that he should have known years ago. He had a vague feeling of second puberty as he found himself hard in situations he had never even thought of. Like when he walked out in the backyard to see Jensen shirtless, doing his push-ups on the patio with beads of sweat glistening in the morning sun. In the beginning Jared had been quite content with only handjobs and making out. Although Jensen didn't really imply that he wanted more, Jared had a feeling that Jensen would have been perfectly willing to move faster if Jared would have wanted to. And he really did, even though he didn't always know what to do. Despite his lack of experience Jared had seen his fare share of porn that he shouldn't have been watching, and with a little imagination, he knew what to expect. He was quite sure that it wouldn't be hard to move forward with their relationship, but had some concerns that he wanted to ask Jensen first. He just didn't know how.
Then one night, when they were just watching TV Jared kissed Jensen soft on his mouth and slid his hand low into Jensen's boxers. He just had to break the kiss and look down. Jensen's cock was thick and flushed against his palm and Jared just wanted, needed, more. He kissed Jensen hard before sliding off the couch and kneeling in front of Jensen, pulling his jeans and boxers down. Jared didn't really know what he was doing, but Jensen's fingers curled into his hair, and Jared bent his head down to take Jensen into his mouth and right there he just quit worrying. It was harder than he had thought but he had had enough blowjobs to know the basics and as Jensen's breathing deepened and his moans grew louder, Jared was fairly certain he was doing something right other than just covering his teeth and adding suction.
Jensen's grip on his hair tightened and Jared had to brace his hands on Jensen's hips to hold him still. Even though he felt good and more content than a moment ago, he wasn't quite sure how to handle Jensen bucking up into his mouth. He backed off a little sucking just on the head, his cheeks hollow and his tongue stroking the underside. Spit and Jensen's salty precum dribbled down his chin and he wondered if it should feel ridiculous instead of being just fucking hot. His cock pressed painfully against the zipper of his jeans and he had to shift a little to adjust himself.
A dull ache spread across his jaw, but Jared didn't care. He wrapped his hand around the base of Jensen's cock to stroke in the pace of his sucking. Jensen's thighs spread obscenely wide even if his ankles were held together by his pants as Jared moaned against his cock. Without even thinking about it, he hastily licked two fingers and slid his mouth back over Jensen's cock. Trailing a spit slick finger on the soft skin behinds Jensen's balls made Jared shiver. He rimmed Jensen's ass with one finger and closed his eyes, just letting the noises Jensen made guide him as he gently pushed a fingertip just barely in. The hot softness closing tight around his fingertip felt strange and it made him wonder how in the world he could slide anything else inside. The thought of being inside Jensen had Jared squirming and writhing like he was in heat. He had to bring one hand down to rub himself through his jeans. His own heartbeat pounded in his ears and he could feel blood rushing down leaving him dizzy. Jensen mumbled something incoherent and tugged Jared's hair and, oh God, he knew Jensen was close. Probably trying to get him to back off. Jared just ignored him and leaned forward pressing his lips tight around Jensen's cock. Jensen balled his fists tightly in Jared’s hair and he could feel Jensen's whole body tense up as he came.
"Jay..." Jensen's voice was rough and breathless as he tugged Jared up into his lap. Jared wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and kissed Jensen, smiling against his lips. "Do you... I can..." Jensen's hand found Jared's belt and tugged it open. Jared felt himself blushing as Jensen's fingers met the damp cotton of his boxers. "That good huh?" Jensen smirked and pulled Jared into another heated kiss.
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Going back to work always got Jared excited, but now he tried to keep his excitement tuned down. He didn't really know how Jensen felt about him bouncing happily in and out of auditions. When Jared tried to talk about it once or twice, Jensen had just dismissed the topic without an explanation and Jared really wondered if it was because Jensen didn't care, or if it just felt too bad.
They were at Jared's house when a new pile of scripts arrived from Jared's agent. With a bit of hesitation, Jared opened the package and spread all four scripts on the kitchen counter. "I'll read them later," he told Jensen after checking the notes and quick summaries provided.
Jensen laughed. "And I'm supposed to believe that you can hold your curiosity?" He took the scripts one by one, and paging through them quickly, picked one out smiling. "I like this one. You should definitely read it through." He tossed the script to Jared and leaned against the counter. "That fresh?" He pointed at the coffee pot and Jared nodded.
Jared watched Jensen move around in his kitchen and smiled at the ease. The line between his and Jensen's things was definitely blurring already and Jared felt his face flush as he caught himself thinking that Jensen's place was definitely more homey than his own, and maybe it was his house they'd sell when they moved in together. He opened the script, but couldn't shake off the thought. Moving in with Jensen. The thought felt better than he had ever expected, but he didn't want to tell Jensen yet. It was kind of soon, and they had never really talked about a future together.
He quietly moved back to the script, watching Jensen move in the edge of his vision. He heard the familiar sound of his cookie jar opening and glanced to the side to see Jensen's hand elbow-deep in the big jar. "Stay away from my cookies." Jared didn't really mean it. He was actually glad, because Jensen had lost weight since the beginning of the year, not much, but still more than would have been healthy. His appetite hasn't been great since the accident, he once told Jared, when he carefully brought the subject up.
Jensen settled on the other side of the table with a cup of coffee and more than a handful of cookies. Jared smiled at him over the script and for that moment he knew that he would never really feel like this about anyone other than Jensen. It sort of scared him to realize how quickly things had changed between them. They had been close before and then drifted apart for a while, but now they were getting closer than ever, and Jared couldn't help but to try and let things go as they went, because he felt that thinking too much into it would actually freak him out a bit.
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As Jensen sat quietly in the living room, his shoulders hunched and head low Jared realized that Jensen had done that a lot lately. Not that he was loud or out going but with Jared's constant talking he had barely said a word in days.
"Jen," he said and Jensen glanced at him quickly before turning his face away. "Is there something bothering you?" Jared went and sat beside him.
Jensen fingered the bracelet he wore on his wrist and Jared placed a steady hand over his trembling fingers. "Tell me what's wrong. It's not me going back to work is it?" Jared felt like he shouldn't been asking the question, but it had been on his mind for days now.
"No. I..." Jensen looked small and lost. Jared could see that Jensen was trying so hard to keep his composure and Jared resisted the need to pull Jensen close and rock him against his chest like a small child. "You hate it, don't you," Jensen said in a soft voice. Words rushed, tangled together, and Jared could hardly understand what he was saying.
"Hate what?" Jared didn't mean to sound so accusing.
Jensen looked away, his lower lip tucked between his teeth. He was quiet for a long moment before lifting up his gaze. "My bad side."
Jared rushed to pull Jensen close. "No, never," Jared whispered his lips brushing against Jensen's skin. "What makes you think I hate it?"
Jensen turned his head looking straight at Jared. "You never touch me there. When you kiss me on the cheek it's always the other side." Jensen's voice sounded even more hurt than he let his expression imply. "Even when we're outside you always walk on my left. Like you want to pretend you have a decent looking boyfriend and not a God damn phantom of the opera."
"No, Jen. No!" Jared couldn't find words to explain everything he wanted. "I just... I thought you didn't want me to touch you there." He lifted his hand and traced his fingers down Jensen's scarred cheek to his jaw where the uneven and thick line of scar tissue faded into a few smaller patches of lightening burn scars that followed the side of Jensen's throat down to his collarbone. Jensen breathed soft and shallow as Jared kissed his forehead carefully, right where the scar ran from his hairline towards his eyebrow. "When I touched your scars for the first time you flinched away. I thought that it felt uncomfortable so I didn't want to try it again. I didn't want to hurt you. And outside I thought that you'd want me on the side where you'd be able to see me."
Jensen leaned into Jared's touch where his fingers were still rubbing his cheek. "You really mean that?" He waited a moment for Jared to nod before going on. "I really don't want to admit it, but I'm scared sometimes. Outside I mean. It's hard to get used to having half of your vision cut off and things that happen unexpectedly, on my blind side, can be a little disorienting at times. But when you're there I feel safe, I guess, because I know that if I can't see something you can."
Jared felt like an ass. He wondered sometimes how it felt for Jensen that the accident had changed his appearance but the loss of vision hadn't really crossed his mind. "I never thought of it like that." He looked at Jensen his fingertips still gently touching the raised scar running along Jensen's collarbone.
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The next day Jared woke up in an empty bed. The sheets on Jensen's side were already cool indicating that he had probably gotten up a while ago. Jared got up and tugged his boxers on before heading downstairs. He could smell the coffee and heard a low whistle from the backyard. He tiptoed to the door more carefully than was really necessary, but at the door he was glad that he did. Jensen was sitting on the edge of the porch with Sadie curled up next to him as Harley ran across the yard after a tennis ball that Jensen had thrown for him and they all seemed so comfortable.
"Getting too old to play this early?" Jensen asked Sadie, his fingers tracing along the grey fur on her face. Sadie whined a quiet answer and rubbed her muzzle on Jensen's hand licking his fingers. Jensen's eyes went soft as he looked down at her and Jared could see a quiet understanding there. "Me too." Jensen's soft statement made Jared's heart clench at the words. He wanted to reach out, but held his distance just watching Jensen with Sadie.
Soon after, the moment was broken as Harley noticed Jared by the door and galloped to him. "Hey!" Jared stepped outside and Jensen looked up, his fingers slightly curled against Sadie's neck. She wagged her tail lazily but didn't get up and Jared laughed. "I think she always liked you better."
Jensen's expression was unreadable for a second before his features softened into a gentle smile as he looked down at Sadie. "I think she just knows that I can't tell her no when she decides to beg for cookies."
Jared smiled at that. "Do you want more coffee?" He asked. "I'm gonna fetch myself a cup."
"Sure," Jensen said and held his mug up for Jared.
Their fingers met slightly as Jared took the mug from Jensen and he felt little hairs in the back of his neck stand up. How had he ever got so lucky, he thought quietly before turning around to go inside.
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It was Tuesday when Jared's agent finally called about the audition he had done a few weeks back. "They want you for the part," she told him rare excitement showing in her smoky voice. "The script is looking great! And the role they're offering? A real push forward for your career." She seemed truly pleased and Jared could sense that this wasn't really a call to ask if he wants the role, more a notice that he got it and was doing it. "And the figure they're mentioned, well, if you ever want to go over the top and buy six Porsches in different colors, you can."
Jared laughed at her and thought of his truck, full of dog hair and dirt-covered tennis balls and frisbees. "When does filming begin?"
"The 23rd of next month. They want to keep the schedule tight, get it in theaters before summer." She was quiet for a moment and chills crept up Jared's neck. He could sense that maybe there was something that she wasn't saying and that he really didn't want to hear.
"Is there something I need to know before I say yes?" Jared asked. He toyed with a pencil he had on the desk and drew a smiley face in the corner of a script he had been flipping through.
The silence drew long and thick before Jared heard her take a deep breath. "The first half films in Prague. They want authentic surroundings and thw casting manager that I was in touch with told me that they're currently looking at some local actors for supporting roles. It's going to be big."
It takes only a heartbeat for Jared to realize that she's talking about Europe. "I'm not doing it," he said a little too harshly.
His agent let out a gasp that sounded like she had just gotten kicked. "What? Are you fucking nuts Padalecki?" She all but screamed into the phone and Jared had to hold his cell at arm's length for a moment. "Don't you realize that this is the chance of a lifetime?" Her voice was tighter now and Jared wondered if it was possible to get an aneurysm from just being pissed off enough.
"I can't do it. Not now." Jared bit his lower lip and thought of leaving Jensen for months. He couldn't do it. Not while everything between them was just so new and fresh, and there were so many things still new and open between them.
His agent sighed. "Can you at least think about it?"
"No, not really."
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"What the fuck did you do?!" Jensen circled Jared and if Jared hadn't understood how angry Jensen actually was, he would have made a comment about big cats and their prey. His hands were clenched into fists and his mouth drawn into a tight line when he didn't speak. Jared could see the anger flashing on his face and deep red rising up his neck. Jensen was furious and Jared couldn't really come up with anything good to say to make him calm down even a little.
Jared backed into kitchen. "Aren't you overreacting a little?" He tried to keep his tone light but Jensen wouldn't back down. He came closer and even though Jared was a good couple of inches taller, he felt Jensen trying to stare him down.
"Overreacting?" Jensen hit his fist on the counter and cursed, loud and angry. "I hear from your fucking agent that you're throwing your career away, and you say that I'm overreacting!." Jensen huffed and ground his teeth so hard Jared was afraid they were going to break into pieces.
"It would have been months in Europe," Jared reasoned calmly. He reached out to touch Jensen's arm but Jensen just yanked his arm back angrily. Their eyes met just for a second and Jared could see the green of Jensen's good eye darken. "I don't want to be away from you."
"I'm not your fucking charity case!" Jensen barked out. "Nor do I need babysitting even if you and Chris seem to think so! And I don't want you to put your career on hold because you've all sudden decided that I can't be on my own!"
"Jen, I don't think you can't be alone! But I don't want you to be." Jared bit his lower lip and tried to keep his voice level. "I want to be with you. And this, this is still new for us and I don't want to be away from you so soon. There will be other roles."
"According to your agent this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And it would only be two months! Three tops!" At that point Jared realized that Jensen might have actually spoken with Jared's agent, not just overheard something or seen the script. Jared wanted to yell at Jensen for prying but seeing the look on Jensen's face, he kept quiet and watched as Jensen sat down and set his hands on the table. "If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But don't fucking tell me you'll skip it because of me." Jensen looked a little desperate and Jared didn't really know how to answer. "I just..." Jensen's voice wavered a little. "My own career is basically over if I don't want to play myself or some fucking horror movie monster." Jared opened his mouth to disagree but Jensen gestured for him to keep quiet. "I don't want you to put your life on hold for me."
"I'm not," Jared said defensively even if he couldn't come up with any real argument.
Jensen turned around and Jared could see how he leaned against the counter breathing heavy. "Jared. Could you just go now?" Jensen's voice was on the verge of breaking and Jared felt his heart stutter.
"Why?"
"Just go."
Jensen hung his head low and avoided Jared's gaze as Jared got up to reach him. "Are you breaking up with me?" Jared had really never felt so crushed by just a few words.
"No." Jensen breathed out. "I just... Can you just give me space to think all this through? Just for tonight. I'll call you in the morning."
----------------
When Jared left Jensen's that night he sat in his truck for an hour before being able to start it. He watched the light upstairs and wondered why it was suddenly so hard to breathe. He set his hands on the wheel and gripped hard trying to take deep breaths. He thought of getting out and walking back in, but Jensen had asked him to go and Jared wanted to respect Jensen's need for space.
On his drive back to his own house Jared thought of Jensen and how the last year had changed him. He could see a difference between Jensen now, and Jensen a year before. He thought about the past year and then he thought about his last Christmas spent back home in Texas. He had been in San Antonio while Jensen had been in Dallas. At midnight of Christmas Eve Jared had called Jensen. He didn't remember what they talked about, but he could remember the sheer joy in Jensen's voice. The memory made him wonder, if he had been already in love with Jensen back then, and if Jensen had felt the same.
As he parked his car and went in to let the dogs out, the realization of the fact that he might have fucked everything up hit him full on. He watched Sadie running after Harley in the backyard and dug out his cell phone. Searching out Jensen's number he toyed with the phone before scanning his contacts further and finding his mom's number. It was already late and his heart pounded real hard when he listened to the phone ringing at the other end. As he heard the familiar voice of his mom answer, he let out a deep breath. In the end it only took five words, "I'm in love with Jensen," but Jared still felt like he had run a marathon.
-----
"You did what?!" Jared had a strange feeling that maybe he was really being stupid because even Chad Michael Murray seemed to be on the same side as Jensen. And that was rare or nonexistent as Jared came up with nothing as he tried to remember if such a thing had happened before.
Jared shrugged his shoulders and studied a slight yellow stain on the pale carpet. "I don't want to be away from Jensen. Even he says I should do the role, but almost four months in Europe? That's just too much."
"You really are something else... And head over heels for that old dumbass," Chad laughed and munched on his pizza slice. "You know I really had no idea that you might like guys."
Jared shrugged lazily and watched Chad's expression which still seemed just curious and nothing else. He had been a little leery about letting people in on the change in dynamics of his and Jensen's relationship. But so far, Chad seemed to be okay with the whole thing. "What makes you think that I knew it myself?" Jared asked, raising his eyebrows. He scraped cheese off his fingers and reached over for more pizza waiting for Chad's answer.
"How can you miss something like that? Don't tell me that you just woke up one day and decided that you wanted to fuck Jensen friggin Ackles of all people." Chad's self-satisfied laugher filled the room and Jared felt his ears heat up and a flush rise into his cheeks. "Isn't it a little late to realize that you like cock in your thirties?"
"Chad!" Jared hadn't really wanted to discuss that with Chad of all the people.
"But for real though, you really shouldn't put your career aside. Don't you think that Jensen would be able to wait for a little longer after all these years? You two have always had this connection and even if you haven't been together before, I have no doubt that you couldn't handle being apart for a little while more."
Jared felt a little dumbfounded after that. He had known Chad was the one friend whom people always assumed to be completely unaware of his surroundings. But apparently that just gave Chad a better opportunity to observe others. "When did you start making sense?" Jared asked, not really knowing if he even wanted to hear the answer.
Chad looked at him disbelievingly and rolled his eyes. "Duh." Chad smiled with a piece of pepperoni stuck on his teeth. "I always make sense. It's just you who doesn't understand it."
Jared pressed his palm over his eyes feeling nauseous and too full of fast food. "Oh God." He rubbed his fingers over his temples and peeked at Chad from under his bangs. "When did my life turn into such an epic disaster?"
"Don't exaggerate. Why don't you just take the role and take Jensen with you?" Chad said casually, as if Jared should have thought of that already. "It's not like he's doing anything else except sitting at home moping."
Jared shot up from his chair and rushed to hug Chad. "Oh my God! Chad you're a genius!" He spun Chad around.
"Can't..." Chad's voice was muffled. ."..breathe."
Jared released his grip on him. "Why didn't I think of that? I have to call my agent. I have to call Jensen!" He grabbed his jacket and ran to the front door leaving a dumbfounded Chad standing in his living room. When Jared got the front door open he turned to see Chad one more time and smiled wickedly. "Don't get too big headed over the fact that you for once said the right thing."
"It was nice to see you too!" Chad hollered after Jared, giving him the finger.
part 3
"Tonight?" Jensen asked.
"Now. I'm at you door. Open up." Jared pounded the door to let Jensen know he was actually there. Jensen sounded more surprised than anything and Jared wondered if Jensen had thought that he wouldn't call or stick around. Did Jensen really think so little of him? It bothered him and he quietly thought how had Jensen's other friends treated him? Then he realized how ridiculous the whole situation was. The only thing that had changed is part of Jensen's face and Jared couldn't really get how that is supposed to have an affect on anything. He wouldn't turn his back to a friend over something like this.
The door rattled open and Jared handed the beer to Jensen. "Put that in the refrigerator. I'm not gonna drink it warm." As he walked in Jensen just stood there with the beer and Jared turned to him. "What?"
Jensen was quiet for a moment then he looked down on himself and raised his eyebrows. "I don't see 'Padalecki's bitch' written anywhere on me."
Jared froze for a second and was just about to apologize when he realized that Jensen was only teasing him. "It's on your ass," Jared laughed and swatted Jensen's behind. "Chris still around?" He asked as casual as he could.
"Why?"
Jared shrugged trying to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal. He didn't really want Jensen to think that he was too interested in what type of relationship Jensen and Chris had. "I just got an impression that he was staying with you."
"He’s been crashing in the guest room. He was around after the accident but then somehow ended up staying after his lease expired and he didn't have a new place yet. Been too lazy to kick his ass out since he can whip up a decent meal every now and then." Jensen seemed to relax a little and Jared couldn't help smiling at him.
-----
A few days later Jared pulled his truck up to Jensen's yard late in the afternoon and felt weirdly nervous about the whole thing. Jensen had sent him a text about a barbecue he was having with his friends and it was the first in a long while. It really seemed like things were getting back to normal. As Jared let the dogs out of the truck and locked it, he really wished that he was right about the fact and that his and Jensen's friendship would take a turn back to what it used to be.
He took a step away from the car and it took him a second to realize that the leashes were tangled around his knees and he was already falling down. He was laughing as Jensen opened the front door, and all three Padaleckis were sprawled all over his front yard with Jared on the ground and Harley trying to pull him up by his sleeve and Sadie on the other side licking his ear, with honest doggy worry all over her furry face. "Find something?" Jensen asked and the dogs tried to rush to him. Jared cursed as the leash around his calf tightened.
"Do you mind that I brought the dogs?" Jared asked when he finally got up brushing dust out of his clothes. "They've been with the sitter far too much already. They barely know me anymore."
Jensen scratched Sadie's ears and shook his head. "No. I could really use some intelligent company anyway," he teased.
They had been hanging out a lot since Jared's movie had finally wrapped up and he was determined to take his time and find a good one next. And what he never really got around to telling Jensen was, he was trying to find something in LA. He had already explained it to himself that he just wanted to spend time at home for a while. If he worked in LA he would get to stay with the dogs and see his friends and it definitely didn't have any specific connection to Jensen in any way as far as Jared could see.
They went into the backyard and Jared nodded to Chris who was standing by the grill. Steve and a few other of Jensen's friends greeted him and he let the dogs off their leashes. Sadie nudged herself beside Chris and looked up at him with big sad eyes. "She knows who's in charge of cooking."
Chris leaned down to pet her. "All dogs love me."
"They love the fact that you're weak willed and give them treats easily," Jared laughed and took the beer handed to him and sat down to enjoy the company. He knew from experience that Jensen's friends could totally throw a decent barbeque where he could just chill and be himself. With his own friends they usually ended up in a trendy club and as much as he liked Chad and the guys, it was usually more tiring than relaxing to go out with them.
By the end of the night Chris had gotten his guitar out and was trying to get Jensen to sing with them. "C'mon, don't be a pussy," Chris said to Jensen.
"Nah," Jensen shrugged. "Why don't you get Steve to do it?"
"Because I hear him all the time," Chris said and just barely dodged the hamburger bun Steve threw at him. They all laughed as Harley and Sadie went after the bun that rolled on the grass knocking Chris over as they went.
"Just do it Jen," Jared coaxed and Jensen looked at him. For a second Jared saw something soften in Jensen's eyes. Jared didn't know what it meant and didn't really try to guess. Lately he had started getting these strange feelings around Jensen that he couldn't, or didn't want to, explain. And sometimes he had a vague feeling that maybe, just maybe, Jensen felt those too.
Jared had caught Steve watching the two of them and when Steve pulled Jensen aside to say something to him, Jared tried to tell himself it wasn't jealousy he felt before realizing that maybe Steve had just noticed the thing going on between Jared and Jensen. He didn't really know why he felt like he should explain himself to the guy somehow, but as Steve went back to Chris and challenged him to play one of the songs they were working on, Jared just pushed the thoughts as far into the back of his head as he could.
-------------------
"That's why I don't go out," Jensen said as a small child started to cry as they walked past. They had taken the shortcut through the park near Jensen's house to get to the nearest supermarket and on the way Jensen sheepishly had let Jared know that it was the furthest he had gone by foot in months. He had driven to the store once or twice but he had mostly gone to get basics from the little corner shop just down the street. Other than that he had been letting Chris do his shopping for him and taken full advantage of the take-away places around town. Jared secretly suspected that the handicapped sticker that he had seen in Jensen's kitchen had something to do with his reluctance to use his car but kept quiet since he didn't know if that was the whole deal or not.
Jared laughed softly. "I think it's just the ugly shirt you're wearing," he tried to distract Jensen from the topic that made Jensen clearly want to turn back and run even if he didn't say it.
"Says the fashion guru himself," Jensen said dryly, eyeing Jared's flowery t-shirt that was so bright Jensen had complained he needed to put his shades on to save the eyesight he had left when Jared had arrived at his doorstep demanding they go get food and hang out.
Jared muttered an insult under his breath, but secretly he really enjoyed the smile that spread across Jensen's face as they seemed to fall back into the friendly bickering they had kept going on for years while filming together. He hadn't really gotten a real smile out of Jensen since they started hanging out again even though he had tried on more than one occasion. Now he felt good about it and warm feelings fluttered in his chest as he saw Jensen relax a little. Jared couldn't quite place the unfamiliar feeling and he felt heat gather onto his face as he realized that he was staring and Jensen was looking at him questioningly, he quickly turned his gaze away, brushing the whole thing off as having been really worried about Jensen.
They never got around to buying real food, only sticking to candy, frozen pizzas and a twelve pack of beer. Jared almost got them thrown out of the store after acting out the best bits of his up and coming film with a banana as his gun. Jared knew he was making a total fool out of himself but getting Jensen to smile like that was really worth every single bad look he got from the other people in the store. And if someone managed to take pictures with their camera phone, he at least hoped that they were of him, since he really didn't know how Jensen would feel about getting unwanted attention. Jared thought that he should maybe tone down his behavior until he had talked to Jensen about it, but Jensen was still looking happy and that really felt like the only thing that should matter.
On the way back to Jensen's they ran into Chris who looked more than surprised to see Jensen that far from his front door. "I'm going to be at Steve's tonight. We're working on a new project so I might not be back until late. Or I'll just crash on his couch."
"I'm not your babysitter. You're free to come and go as you like," Jensen said and Jared just smiled at Jensen. Even though most of his attention was on Jensen he couldn't help but notice how Chris was all smiles as he looked at Jensen but how his expression got stern and harsh as his gaze shifted to Jared. If Jared didn't know better he would have sworn that the look on Chris' face was exactly the same as he remembered giving his sister's new boyfriend he really didn't trust. He sort of wanted to tell Chris that there was nothing to worry about but when he looked at Jensen he felt something that he really couldn't deny being there in the first place.
"You coming or what?" Jensen's voice cut in on Jared's thoughts. He shook his head to lose the uneasy feeling before nodding and going after Jensen who was already twenty feet ahead. As he caught up with Jensen he glanced back to see Chris watching them go with a narrowed look that was more suspicious than anything else.
-------------------
Back at the house Jensen popped the pizzas in oven and threw the candy to Jared. "Get the beer and set up the game." He smirked as he pulled a bag of chips from the cupboard. "Get ready to have you ass kicked."
"Madden?" Jared asked catching the chips flying through the air.
"Damn straight."
Two hours later Jared was feeling more than a little buzzed. Jensen uncapped another beer and yelped as Jared's team got another touchdown while Jensen's attention was away from the screen. "Not fair!" Jensen laughed and placed his beer down.
"Is it my fault that your eyes aren't on the game?" Jared asked and made a face even if he knew how childish he must have looked at that moment. Jensen's eyes wrinkled with a wide smile and Jared felt his heart flutter. "You hair's getting long." He reached out and pushed Jensen's hair off his forehead.
"Should get it cut," Jensen said and leaned away as Jared's fingertips brushed gently against the scar running down his temple. The touch was soft, just barely there, but Jared could see how uncomfortable and tense Jensen was all of a sudden. Jared pulled his hand back and tried to look away. A sudden feeling of overwhelming affection rushed through him as he turned and his eyes met Jensen's again. He felt his heart pound so hard that he was afraid Jensen would hear it. He wanted to get up and run, tell Jensen that he had to go, but he just couldn't. Instead he raised his hand and slid a trembling palm behind Jensen's head to rest it right on the nape of Jensen's neck. Jensen's gaze shot up. His expression open and surprised. And for a second Jared saw something there. Something he couldn't quite recognize but which still made him feel good inside. Confident, and definitely without thinking, he leaned forward to breathe in the scent of Jensen's skin. He didn't even take a notice of how he was shaking all over. He just breathed in the scent of Jensen's aftershave, his shampoo and the soft, warm saltiness of sweat. Something that was just Jensen. Jared stayed there for the longest moment, resting his forehead against Jensen's hair, his nose pressed on Jensen's skin letting the silent realizations finally sink in. He was falling in love with Jensen. If he already hadn't been for years.
"Jared?" Jensen's voice was rough when he finally spoke like he hadn't used it for hours. The magic was broken so fast and Jared could feel the quiet shock settling into his limbs. Had he crossed the line? Done something he couldn't fix? He searched Jensen's face for signs of discomfort but found absolutely nothing.
As Jensen finally smiled carefully, hopefully, Jared's heart jumped and he took a deep breath. "Is there something? Do you think...?" He never got a chance to finish his sentence as Jensen leaned forward and brought their lips together. It wasn't quite a kiss, just Jensen mouthing on Jared's lips. Jared was still too shocked and frozen to do anything and it took a good while before he realized that Jensen was actually kissing him. As Jensen's lips parted slightly, his soft tongue lapping on Jared's lips, Jared finally relaxed and parted his lips to let Jensen in. Jensen tasted like gummiworms and beer and he was just so warm under Jared's touch. Jared could feel the knot that had formed in his gut melt down into a soft warmness spreading in his body.
Jared's lips felt hot and swollen but he couldn't let go. The need of having Jensen so close was too much and he pulled Jensen closer and leaned back. They fell on the couch in one big mess of tangled limbs; the game was still in the background, long forgotten. Jensen's hands were everywhere and Jared couldn't help sliding his under Jensen's shirt to feel his skin. Jensen was already aiming lower, his hand between them stroking Jared's cock through the worn denim of his jeans. Jared bucked his hips up to meet Jensen's touch. He could feel the heat of Jensen's arousal against his hip and just feeling that sent shivers up his spine. He couldn't do anything else except moan against Jensen's mouth, those fucking gorgeous lips he had never really thought of kissing before, but couldn't even begin to explain why he hadn't done this before now. Because this was amazing. And it wasn't just the touching, but the fact that it was Jensen who was doing the touching. Jensen, who he had worked with, lived with and loved. All these years maybe and he had had no idea.
"Jared?"
Jared was shaken out of his thoughts. He realized that he must have been spacing out on Jensen and shook his head a little to bring himself back to reality.
"Is this... Is this okay?" Jensen asked quietly, backing away just enough for their eyes to meet. The worry in his eyes was enough to bring Jared back to the present.
"Oh God yes," Jared said quickly as he pulled Jensen closer. "I want this. I want you." He couldn't say more and really hoped that Jensen would understand what he meant. That he didn't just want this but all of it. He wanted to touch and be touched and love and God he just wanted Jensen to be his. He thought he might have actually growled as he grabbed Jensen and pushed him down on the couch practically tearing Jensen's jeans open to get his hand inside, wrapping it around Jensen's leaking cock while desperately kissing Jensen. He pushed Jensen's shirt up with one hand to get as much skin to skin contact as he could with all the clothes they still had on. Clearly Jensen was already on the same page with him, yanking Jared's shirt open and sending loose buttons flying.
"Wanted to rip that hideous thing off you when you came over this morning." Jensen told him, gasping for air, as they broke the kiss and Jared laughed. It seemed like Jensen had been onto this for a while longer than he had, but he could ask about it later. Now he just cared about getting Jensen off and touching him everywhere with his free hand.
Jensen rocked up against him and Jared stroked him best he could with his hand practically trapped between their bodies. Jensen managed to get one hand between them too, just enough to open Jared's belt and push his loose jeans down. Jared closed his eyes when Jensen's strong fingers curled around the base of his hard cock and he almost came before Jensen had even a chance to move. He moaned into Jensen's mouth and moved his hips just enough for their cocks to rub together and it felt so good. They stroked each other and rocked together like teenagers trying to get off just by rubbing together. Jared felt Jensen tense up under him and as he had just managed to tighten his grip on Jensen’s cock, giving him a few more firm strokes, he felt Jensen coming between them and couldn't help but buck his cock against Jensen spreading the slick mess all over before adding his own to it.
------------------
The shift from friends to lovers seemed easier than Jared had expected. They were already so comfortable with each other. Most days they hung out at Jensen's house and Jared couldn't really tell the difference between the times they had been just friends and now. Except that now, when the newfound urges to touch Jensen hit him full on, he actually could do it. And when they sprawled out on the sofa to relax, Jensen was pressed tightly against him and Jared could just wrap his long arms around Jensen's waist pressing his nose into Jensen's skin and giving him soft kisses along his neck. It still surprised him every time how naturally they fit together. Even if he knew from long before that he was in love with Jensen, it was these little moments that made him realize how much he actually loved Jensen already.
When Jared had stayed over for the first time, it had been a bit strange since Chris had been there too. Chris had been the first to know about their relationship and Jared still felt uncomfortable around him. He was a little on edge, waiting for Chris to come and give him the third degree about dating Jensen. Jared figured out that Chris' version wouldn't only include 'don't hurt him', but 'hurt him and you'll find your balls nailed on the wall'. After a few awkward mornings, Chris had packed his things and told Jensen that his babysitting job was definitely over and with a heartfelt 'you know where to find me if you need me' he had moved his things to Steve's. After Chris had left Jared had felt the need to apologize.
Jensen just laughed. "It'll do Chris good to spend time with Steve. They'd finally get some work done and maybe get their heads out of their asses."
Jared raised his eyebrows. He knew he wasn't the most aware of his surroundings, but sometimes it felt like other people were light-years ahead.
"They've been circling each other since they met. Never admitted a thing, both of them dating practically every other person they meet, but never getting serious with anyone," Jensen explained. "Haven't you noticed? Chris can probably hide it better, but Steve, he's just as hopeless as Chris is blind when it comes to Steve."
That confused Jared a bit. "Is there something in the water?"
"How come?" Jensen asked.
"Since all of a sudden everyone seems to be a bit gay." Jared watched Jensen's expression change from confused to amused in the blink of an eye.
"Chris and Steve are hardly 'everyone'. They've always been... connected, I think," Jensen said, his face open and honest. Their eyes met and Jared's heart fluttered as Jensen's voice went real soft when he quietly added: "Like us."
--------------------
They never really talked about dating exclusively or being boyfriends but Jensen had made it clear from the day one that he wasn't going to see other people. As if Jared hadn't already known it. And when it came to Jared, he had always been the type to commit to one person. He didn't really like dating around, and because they were already so familiar with each other, Jared didn't really think they needed to date before being able to say that they were exclusive.
As days went by they easily settled in to a routine. Jared was bringing the dogs with him more and more and usually ended up staying the night. They slept close together, curled up on Jensen's bed and it felt like they had done it forever instead of just a few weeks. At first they had been wearing their boxers to bed, but when Jensen had told Jared, a little shyly, that he actually preferred to sleep naked, Jared had just laughed and wiggled out of his shorts and wrapped Jensen up into his arms. Their hard bodies pressed together under the soft blankets. Jared couldn't help but wonder a little why the whole thing never bothered him. He had never really thought about being with a guy. He was kind of waiting for the shock to settle in, the big identity crisis or something like that, but it never happened. Instead he found out that he liked touching Jensen and that he actually yearned to be touched by Jensen.
At times it seemed like Jared had woken up to something that he should have known years ago. He had a vague feeling of second puberty as he found himself hard in situations he had never even thought of. Like when he walked out in the backyard to see Jensen shirtless, doing his push-ups on the patio with beads of sweat glistening in the morning sun. In the beginning Jared had been quite content with only handjobs and making out. Although Jensen didn't really imply that he wanted more, Jared had a feeling that Jensen would have been perfectly willing to move faster if Jared would have wanted to. And he really did, even though he didn't always know what to do. Despite his lack of experience Jared had seen his fare share of porn that he shouldn't have been watching, and with a little imagination, he knew what to expect. He was quite sure that it wouldn't be hard to move forward with their relationship, but had some concerns that he wanted to ask Jensen first. He just didn't know how.
Then one night, when they were just watching TV Jared kissed Jensen soft on his mouth and slid his hand low into Jensen's boxers. He just had to break the kiss and look down. Jensen's cock was thick and flushed against his palm and Jared just wanted, needed, more. He kissed Jensen hard before sliding off the couch and kneeling in front of Jensen, pulling his jeans and boxers down. Jared didn't really know what he was doing, but Jensen's fingers curled into his hair, and Jared bent his head down to take Jensen into his mouth and right there he just quit worrying. It was harder than he had thought but he had had enough blowjobs to know the basics and as Jensen's breathing deepened and his moans grew louder, Jared was fairly certain he was doing something right other than just covering his teeth and adding suction.
Jensen's grip on his hair tightened and Jared had to brace his hands on Jensen's hips to hold him still. Even though he felt good and more content than a moment ago, he wasn't quite sure how to handle Jensen bucking up into his mouth. He backed off a little sucking just on the head, his cheeks hollow and his tongue stroking the underside. Spit and Jensen's salty precum dribbled down his chin and he wondered if it should feel ridiculous instead of being just fucking hot. His cock pressed painfully against the zipper of his jeans and he had to shift a little to adjust himself.
A dull ache spread across his jaw, but Jared didn't care. He wrapped his hand around the base of Jensen's cock to stroke in the pace of his sucking. Jensen's thighs spread obscenely wide even if his ankles were held together by his pants as Jared moaned against his cock. Without even thinking about it, he hastily licked two fingers and slid his mouth back over Jensen's cock. Trailing a spit slick finger on the soft skin behinds Jensen's balls made Jared shiver. He rimmed Jensen's ass with one finger and closed his eyes, just letting the noises Jensen made guide him as he gently pushed a fingertip just barely in. The hot softness closing tight around his fingertip felt strange and it made him wonder how in the world he could slide anything else inside. The thought of being inside Jensen had Jared squirming and writhing like he was in heat. He had to bring one hand down to rub himself through his jeans. His own heartbeat pounded in his ears and he could feel blood rushing down leaving him dizzy. Jensen mumbled something incoherent and tugged Jared's hair and, oh God, he knew Jensen was close. Probably trying to get him to back off. Jared just ignored him and leaned forward pressing his lips tight around Jensen's cock. Jensen balled his fists tightly in Jared’s hair and he could feel Jensen's whole body tense up as he came.
"Jay..." Jensen's voice was rough and breathless as he tugged Jared up into his lap. Jared wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and kissed Jensen, smiling against his lips. "Do you... I can..." Jensen's hand found Jared's belt and tugged it open. Jared felt himself blushing as Jensen's fingers met the damp cotton of his boxers. "That good huh?" Jensen smirked and pulled Jared into another heated kiss.
------------------
Going back to work always got Jared excited, but now he tried to keep his excitement tuned down. He didn't really know how Jensen felt about him bouncing happily in and out of auditions. When Jared tried to talk about it once or twice, Jensen had just dismissed the topic without an explanation and Jared really wondered if it was because Jensen didn't care, or if it just felt too bad.
They were at Jared's house when a new pile of scripts arrived from Jared's agent. With a bit of hesitation, Jared opened the package and spread all four scripts on the kitchen counter. "I'll read them later," he told Jensen after checking the notes and quick summaries provided.
Jensen laughed. "And I'm supposed to believe that you can hold your curiosity?" He took the scripts one by one, and paging through them quickly, picked one out smiling. "I like this one. You should definitely read it through." He tossed the script to Jared and leaned against the counter. "That fresh?" He pointed at the coffee pot and Jared nodded.
Jared watched Jensen move around in his kitchen and smiled at the ease. The line between his and Jensen's things was definitely blurring already and Jared felt his face flush as he caught himself thinking that Jensen's place was definitely more homey than his own, and maybe it was his house they'd sell when they moved in together. He opened the script, but couldn't shake off the thought. Moving in with Jensen. The thought felt better than he had ever expected, but he didn't want to tell Jensen yet. It was kind of soon, and they had never really talked about a future together.
He quietly moved back to the script, watching Jensen move in the edge of his vision. He heard the familiar sound of his cookie jar opening and glanced to the side to see Jensen's hand elbow-deep in the big jar. "Stay away from my cookies." Jared didn't really mean it. He was actually glad, because Jensen had lost weight since the beginning of the year, not much, but still more than would have been healthy. His appetite hasn't been great since the accident, he once told Jared, when he carefully brought the subject up.
Jensen settled on the other side of the table with a cup of coffee and more than a handful of cookies. Jared smiled at him over the script and for that moment he knew that he would never really feel like this about anyone other than Jensen. It sort of scared him to realize how quickly things had changed between them. They had been close before and then drifted apart for a while, but now they were getting closer than ever, and Jared couldn't help but to try and let things go as they went, because he felt that thinking too much into it would actually freak him out a bit.
---------
As Jensen sat quietly in the living room, his shoulders hunched and head low Jared realized that Jensen had done that a lot lately. Not that he was loud or out going but with Jared's constant talking he had barely said a word in days.
"Jen," he said and Jensen glanced at him quickly before turning his face away. "Is there something bothering you?" Jared went and sat beside him.
Jensen fingered the bracelet he wore on his wrist and Jared placed a steady hand over his trembling fingers. "Tell me what's wrong. It's not me going back to work is it?" Jared felt like he shouldn't been asking the question, but it had been on his mind for days now.
"No. I..." Jensen looked small and lost. Jared could see that Jensen was trying so hard to keep his composure and Jared resisted the need to pull Jensen close and rock him against his chest like a small child. "You hate it, don't you," Jensen said in a soft voice. Words rushed, tangled together, and Jared could hardly understand what he was saying.
"Hate what?" Jared didn't mean to sound so accusing.
Jensen looked away, his lower lip tucked between his teeth. He was quiet for a long moment before lifting up his gaze. "My bad side."
Jared rushed to pull Jensen close. "No, never," Jared whispered his lips brushing against Jensen's skin. "What makes you think I hate it?"
Jensen turned his head looking straight at Jared. "You never touch me there. When you kiss me on the cheek it's always the other side." Jensen's voice sounded even more hurt than he let his expression imply. "Even when we're outside you always walk on my left. Like you want to pretend you have a decent looking boyfriend and not a God damn phantom of the opera."
"No, Jen. No!" Jared couldn't find words to explain everything he wanted. "I just... I thought you didn't want me to touch you there." He lifted his hand and traced his fingers down Jensen's scarred cheek to his jaw where the uneven and thick line of scar tissue faded into a few smaller patches of lightening burn scars that followed the side of Jensen's throat down to his collarbone. Jensen breathed soft and shallow as Jared kissed his forehead carefully, right where the scar ran from his hairline towards his eyebrow. "When I touched your scars for the first time you flinched away. I thought that it felt uncomfortable so I didn't want to try it again. I didn't want to hurt you. And outside I thought that you'd want me on the side where you'd be able to see me."
Jensen leaned into Jared's touch where his fingers were still rubbing his cheek. "You really mean that?" He waited a moment for Jared to nod before going on. "I really don't want to admit it, but I'm scared sometimes. Outside I mean. It's hard to get used to having half of your vision cut off and things that happen unexpectedly, on my blind side, can be a little disorienting at times. But when you're there I feel safe, I guess, because I know that if I can't see something you can."
Jared felt like an ass. He wondered sometimes how it felt for Jensen that the accident had changed his appearance but the loss of vision hadn't really crossed his mind. "I never thought of it like that." He looked at Jensen his fingertips still gently touching the raised scar running along Jensen's collarbone.
-------
The next day Jared woke up in an empty bed. The sheets on Jensen's side were already cool indicating that he had probably gotten up a while ago. Jared got up and tugged his boxers on before heading downstairs. He could smell the coffee and heard a low whistle from the backyard. He tiptoed to the door more carefully than was really necessary, but at the door he was glad that he did. Jensen was sitting on the edge of the porch with Sadie curled up next to him as Harley ran across the yard after a tennis ball that Jensen had thrown for him and they all seemed so comfortable.
"Getting too old to play this early?" Jensen asked Sadie, his fingers tracing along the grey fur on her face. Sadie whined a quiet answer and rubbed her muzzle on Jensen's hand licking his fingers. Jensen's eyes went soft as he looked down at her and Jared could see a quiet understanding there. "Me too." Jensen's soft statement made Jared's heart clench at the words. He wanted to reach out, but held his distance just watching Jensen with Sadie.
Soon after, the moment was broken as Harley noticed Jared by the door and galloped to him. "Hey!" Jared stepped outside and Jensen looked up, his fingers slightly curled against Sadie's neck. She wagged her tail lazily but didn't get up and Jared laughed. "I think she always liked you better."
Jensen's expression was unreadable for a second before his features softened into a gentle smile as he looked down at Sadie. "I think she just knows that I can't tell her no when she decides to beg for cookies."
Jared smiled at that. "Do you want more coffee?" He asked. "I'm gonna fetch myself a cup."
"Sure," Jensen said and held his mug up for Jared.
Their fingers met slightly as Jared took the mug from Jensen and he felt little hairs in the back of his neck stand up. How had he ever got so lucky, he thought quietly before turning around to go inside.
------
It was Tuesday when Jared's agent finally called about the audition he had done a few weeks back. "They want you for the part," she told him rare excitement showing in her smoky voice. "The script is looking great! And the role they're offering? A real push forward for your career." She seemed truly pleased and Jared could sense that this wasn't really a call to ask if he wants the role, more a notice that he got it and was doing it. "And the figure they're mentioned, well, if you ever want to go over the top and buy six Porsches in different colors, you can."
Jared laughed at her and thought of his truck, full of dog hair and dirt-covered tennis balls and frisbees. "When does filming begin?"
"The 23rd of next month. They want to keep the schedule tight, get it in theaters before summer." She was quiet for a moment and chills crept up Jared's neck. He could sense that maybe there was something that she wasn't saying and that he really didn't want to hear.
"Is there something I need to know before I say yes?" Jared asked. He toyed with a pencil he had on the desk and drew a smiley face in the corner of a script he had been flipping through.
The silence drew long and thick before Jared heard her take a deep breath. "The first half films in Prague. They want authentic surroundings and thw casting manager that I was in touch with told me that they're currently looking at some local actors for supporting roles. It's going to be big."
It takes only a heartbeat for Jared to realize that she's talking about Europe. "I'm not doing it," he said a little too harshly.
His agent let out a gasp that sounded like she had just gotten kicked. "What? Are you fucking nuts Padalecki?" She all but screamed into the phone and Jared had to hold his cell at arm's length for a moment. "Don't you realize that this is the chance of a lifetime?" Her voice was tighter now and Jared wondered if it was possible to get an aneurysm from just being pissed off enough.
"I can't do it. Not now." Jared bit his lower lip and thought of leaving Jensen for months. He couldn't do it. Not while everything between them was just so new and fresh, and there were so many things still new and open between them.
His agent sighed. "Can you at least think about it?"
"No, not really."
------
"What the fuck did you do?!" Jensen circled Jared and if Jared hadn't understood how angry Jensen actually was, he would have made a comment about big cats and their prey. His hands were clenched into fists and his mouth drawn into a tight line when he didn't speak. Jared could see the anger flashing on his face and deep red rising up his neck. Jensen was furious and Jared couldn't really come up with anything good to say to make him calm down even a little.
Jared backed into kitchen. "Aren't you overreacting a little?" He tried to keep his tone light but Jensen wouldn't back down. He came closer and even though Jared was a good couple of inches taller, he felt Jensen trying to stare him down.
"Overreacting?" Jensen hit his fist on the counter and cursed, loud and angry. "I hear from your fucking agent that you're throwing your career away, and you say that I'm overreacting!." Jensen huffed and ground his teeth so hard Jared was afraid they were going to break into pieces.
"It would have been months in Europe," Jared reasoned calmly. He reached out to touch Jensen's arm but Jensen just yanked his arm back angrily. Their eyes met just for a second and Jared could see the green of Jensen's good eye darken. "I don't want to be away from you."
"I'm not your fucking charity case!" Jensen barked out. "Nor do I need babysitting even if you and Chris seem to think so! And I don't want you to put your career on hold because you've all sudden decided that I can't be on my own!"
"Jen, I don't think you can't be alone! But I don't want you to be." Jared bit his lower lip and tried to keep his voice level. "I want to be with you. And this, this is still new for us and I don't want to be away from you so soon. There will be other roles."
"According to your agent this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And it would only be two months! Three tops!" At that point Jared realized that Jensen might have actually spoken with Jared's agent, not just overheard something or seen the script. Jared wanted to yell at Jensen for prying but seeing the look on Jensen's face, he kept quiet and watched as Jensen sat down and set his hands on the table. "If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But don't fucking tell me you'll skip it because of me." Jensen looked a little desperate and Jared didn't really know how to answer. "I just..." Jensen's voice wavered a little. "My own career is basically over if I don't want to play myself or some fucking horror movie monster." Jared opened his mouth to disagree but Jensen gestured for him to keep quiet. "I don't want you to put your life on hold for me."
"I'm not," Jared said defensively even if he couldn't come up with any real argument.
Jensen turned around and Jared could see how he leaned against the counter breathing heavy. "Jared. Could you just go now?" Jensen's voice was on the verge of breaking and Jared felt his heart stutter.
"Why?"
"Just go."
Jensen hung his head low and avoided Jared's gaze as Jared got up to reach him. "Are you breaking up with me?" Jared had really never felt so crushed by just a few words.
"No." Jensen breathed out. "I just... Can you just give me space to think all this through? Just for tonight. I'll call you in the morning."
----------------
When Jared left Jensen's that night he sat in his truck for an hour before being able to start it. He watched the light upstairs and wondered why it was suddenly so hard to breathe. He set his hands on the wheel and gripped hard trying to take deep breaths. He thought of getting out and walking back in, but Jensen had asked him to go and Jared wanted to respect Jensen's need for space.
On his drive back to his own house Jared thought of Jensen and how the last year had changed him. He could see a difference between Jensen now, and Jensen a year before. He thought about the past year and then he thought about his last Christmas spent back home in Texas. He had been in San Antonio while Jensen had been in Dallas. At midnight of Christmas Eve Jared had called Jensen. He didn't remember what they talked about, but he could remember the sheer joy in Jensen's voice. The memory made him wonder, if he had been already in love with Jensen back then, and if Jensen had felt the same.
As he parked his car and went in to let the dogs out, the realization of the fact that he might have fucked everything up hit him full on. He watched Sadie running after Harley in the backyard and dug out his cell phone. Searching out Jensen's number he toyed with the phone before scanning his contacts further and finding his mom's number. It was already late and his heart pounded real hard when he listened to the phone ringing at the other end. As he heard the familiar voice of his mom answer, he let out a deep breath. In the end it only took five words, "I'm in love with Jensen," but Jared still felt like he had run a marathon.
-----
"You did what?!" Jared had a strange feeling that maybe he was really being stupid because even Chad Michael Murray seemed to be on the same side as Jensen. And that was rare or nonexistent as Jared came up with nothing as he tried to remember if such a thing had happened before.
Jared shrugged his shoulders and studied a slight yellow stain on the pale carpet. "I don't want to be away from Jensen. Even he says I should do the role, but almost four months in Europe? That's just too much."
"You really are something else... And head over heels for that old dumbass," Chad laughed and munched on his pizza slice. "You know I really had no idea that you might like guys."
Jared shrugged lazily and watched Chad's expression which still seemed just curious and nothing else. He had been a little leery about letting people in on the change in dynamics of his and Jensen's relationship. But so far, Chad seemed to be okay with the whole thing. "What makes you think that I knew it myself?" Jared asked, raising his eyebrows. He scraped cheese off his fingers and reached over for more pizza waiting for Chad's answer.
"How can you miss something like that? Don't tell me that you just woke up one day and decided that you wanted to fuck Jensen friggin Ackles of all people." Chad's self-satisfied laugher filled the room and Jared felt his ears heat up and a flush rise into his cheeks. "Isn't it a little late to realize that you like cock in your thirties?"
"Chad!" Jared hadn't really wanted to discuss that with Chad of all the people.
"But for real though, you really shouldn't put your career aside. Don't you think that Jensen would be able to wait for a little longer after all these years? You two have always had this connection and even if you haven't been together before, I have no doubt that you couldn't handle being apart for a little while more."
Jared felt a little dumbfounded after that. He had known Chad was the one friend whom people always assumed to be completely unaware of his surroundings. But apparently that just gave Chad a better opportunity to observe others. "When did you start making sense?" Jared asked, not really knowing if he even wanted to hear the answer.
Chad looked at him disbelievingly and rolled his eyes. "Duh." Chad smiled with a piece of pepperoni stuck on his teeth. "I always make sense. It's just you who doesn't understand it."
Jared pressed his palm over his eyes feeling nauseous and too full of fast food. "Oh God." He rubbed his fingers over his temples and peeked at Chad from under his bangs. "When did my life turn into such an epic disaster?"
"Don't exaggerate. Why don't you just take the role and take Jensen with you?" Chad said casually, as if Jared should have thought of that already. "It's not like he's doing anything else except sitting at home moping."
Jared shot up from his chair and rushed to hug Chad. "Oh my God! Chad you're a genius!" He spun Chad around.
"Can't..." Chad's voice was muffled. ."..breathe."
Jared released his grip on him. "Why didn't I think of that? I have to call my agent. I have to call Jensen!" He grabbed his jacket and ran to the front door leaving a dumbfounded Chad standing in his living room. When Jared got the front door open he turned to see Chad one more time and smiled wickedly. "Don't get too big headed over the fact that you for once said the right thing."
"It was nice to see you too!" Chad hollered after Jared, giving him the finger.
part 3