Dumdeee dumm
I went to see my grandma today, and she was crying. There is NOTHING worse in the world than seeing an fragile old lonely miserable woman crying. She told my mom she didn't want to live, so my mom is debating to listen or to keep her alive. Well, not like she would kill her. She would call Hospus, which is an organization that gives her pills so she doesn't feel any pain while her body shuts down. If they do that and she really wants to, she won't eat and slowly her body will shut down. I don't know...what to think.
I had no emotion when my mom was crying. I don't know how to show emotions? My brother jumped to hug her and comfort her. I just sat there. I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just not sympathetic, but I loved my Grandma? and It broke my heart to see her cry. I'm confused.
Tuesday night, my mom and I went to spoons, Where I was glared at awkwardly while walking into the restaurant by some of michael's friends from Mid Pen. I was like uhhh hi o.O. You know when people just stare at you, making it so obvious, what the hell are you supposed to do? I hate that. I felt like I had three tits or someshit. Blahh.
I started reading Emily Dickinson poems last night, I really am starting to get into them. I admire her poetry, it must have been hard to express your thoughts onto paper back then. She is so elegant yet forward with her words, Like she makes them up as she goes along just to fit them in. She has written almost 600, crazy. I like this one the best.
Superfluous were the sun
When excellence is dead;
He were superfluous every day,
For every day is said
That syllable whose faith
Just saves it from despair,
And whose "I'll meet you" hesitates
If love inquire, "where?"
Upon his dateless fame
Our periods may lie,
As stars that drop anonymous
From an abundant sky.
There is another one called "There's a funeral in my brain" Or something to that extent. It reminded me of my grandma.
Anyway, I'm going to bed. Going to listen to Now16 ...weee...
Going to the YMCA to work out with Mike tommarow...should be interesting to wake up that early...
laterz