optimism gone.
my optimism is gone...completely fucking gone...b/c now i just lost his friendship too...all because of this god damned lj
i wrote down in here my thoughts about today...and wrote how things seemed to me...i even said "seems" when talking about it...but im not allowed to...and im wrong for doing it...for saying something without knowing everything...im completely fucking wrong...and if i were male he would beat the shit out of me...god fucking damnit i wish hed just fucking beat me anyway...it would make my life a helluva lot easier.
me:"ull probably like smite me or something for even asking...but why is this pissing u off as much as it is?"
him:"because i have always hated it when people talked about others without actually haveing information about them"
well i have information...for one thing i know him fairly well [or maybe im wrong about that too?]....and then theres every move i saw him make today...and my mind drew a conclusion...one i didnt know and i never said i knew it...i said it seemed that way...i said i thought it...but im wrong for even doing that. im completely and utterly wrong. and i always have been wrong with him. and i always will be wrong with him. but now instead of just not being his girl...instead just being someone he says is a friend...although im treated like a slight aqquantance[sp?]...well he probably wont even give me that anymore...AND YES LUKE IM SAYING SOMETHING ONCE AGAIN WITHOUT KNOWING EVERYTHING...BUT THIS IS HOW IT SEEMS TO ME...THIS IS HOW U MAKE IT LOOK...AND THIS IS WHAT YOUVE LED ME TO BELIEVE IS TRUE...i wish i had more connections around here into the world of illegal things...i wish i had the guts to do something final...i wish my dad still had alcohol everywhere...i wish my family owned a gun.
i wrote down in here my thoughts about today...and wrote how things seemed to me...i even said "seems" when talking about it...but im not allowed to...and im wrong for doing it...for saying something without knowing everything...im completely fucking wrong...and if i were male he would beat the shit out of me...god fucking damnit i wish hed just fucking beat me anyway...it would make my life a helluva lot easier.
me:"ull probably like smite me or something for even asking...but why is this pissing u off as much as it is?"
him:"because i have always hated it when people talked about others without actually haveing information about them"
well i have information...for one thing i know him fairly well [or maybe im wrong about that too?]....and then theres every move i saw him make today...and my mind drew a conclusion...one i didnt know and i never said i knew it...i said it seemed that way...i said i thought it...but im wrong for even doing that. im completely and utterly wrong. and i always have been wrong with him. and i always will be wrong with him. but now instead of just not being his girl...instead just being someone he says is a friend...although im treated like a slight aqquantance[sp?]...well he probably wont even give me that anymore...AND YES LUKE IM SAYING SOMETHING ONCE AGAIN WITHOUT KNOWING EVERYTHING...BUT THIS IS HOW IT SEEMS TO ME...THIS IS HOW U MAKE IT LOOK...AND THIS IS WHAT YOUVE LED ME TO BELIEVE IS TRUE...i wish i had more connections around here into the world of illegal things...i wish i had the guts to do something final...i wish my dad still had alcohol everywhere...i wish my family owned a gun.