luke you probably don't wanna read this....just a warning
i was wrong
i'm not going to be okay
i don't mean to be emo or attention grasping...cuz i dont want attention for this entry...but no ones on-line so im going to type it up here...god...i think there's something im not being told...what i was told is he realized im only a good friend to him...he says he realized this while in toronto during the break...how does something flip around like that so suddenly? he leaves telling me he loves me...he comes back and i'm just a friend...there's 2 main possibilities to this...he's either not telling me something...or he never loved me anyway...but god...if he never loved me...he's one hell of a fucking actor
you think i would've learned my lesson from jamie...when a guy promises he'll never hurt you...even a guy who's never broken a promise before in his life [which now i doubt...but thats ok]...it's not a promise to take seriously....but as always i'm the stupid naiive girl who should've done better...but continues to give everyone a fair chance even though experience tells me i shudnt...experience told me to keep my wall/shield up...not to let my gaurd down...stay defensive and not letting myself get too close too fast...but everything seemed so safe...so secure...everything felt right...like thats where i was supposed to be...so i ignored experienced and for the first time since jamie...i really let myself love and get close and get volnerable even though in the back of my mind i knew it might be a bad idea....but he seemed so sincere and so safe and protecting...i just sat there and believed everything that came out of that mouth...and look where i ended up...those of you who've known me since jamie know i was never should i could take another bad break up...well here i am...another bad break up...one where i'd give ANYTHING and EVERYTHING...and i mean that 100%...just to get him back...but i cant...i have to "grit my teeth and struggle through" or w/e whoever that was [maybe gil?] said...but i dont know if i have the strength to do that left in me...especially not after a weekend like the one i just had...possibly the worst fucking weekend of my life...and then i get dumped...aint it great the way life just throws shit at you...i knew it was too good to be true...i knew no one could love me like that...but i told myaelf they could...and i was wrong...no one can...i'm too much fucking hell to put up with and i know that and im sorry to all of you who i turn to with my stupid shit that shudnt bother me and with my stupid problems i shudnt have...ima try to make sure u guys never have to deal with my shit again...i havent decided how yet...but i have a few ideas
I love you
is 8 letters long
then again
so is
Bull shit.
i'm not going to be okay
i don't mean to be emo or attention grasping...cuz i dont want attention for this entry...but no ones on-line so im going to type it up here...god...i think there's something im not being told...what i was told is he realized im only a good friend to him...he says he realized this while in toronto during the break...how does something flip around like that so suddenly? he leaves telling me he loves me...he comes back and i'm just a friend...there's 2 main possibilities to this...he's either not telling me something...or he never loved me anyway...but god...if he never loved me...he's one hell of a fucking actor
you think i would've learned my lesson from jamie...when a guy promises he'll never hurt you...even a guy who's never broken a promise before in his life [which now i doubt...but thats ok]...it's not a promise to take seriously....but as always i'm the stupid naiive girl who should've done better...but continues to give everyone a fair chance even though experience tells me i shudnt...experience told me to keep my wall/shield up...not to let my gaurd down...stay defensive and not letting myself get too close too fast...but everything seemed so safe...so secure...everything felt right...like thats where i was supposed to be...so i ignored experienced and for the first time since jamie...i really let myself love and get close and get volnerable even though in the back of my mind i knew it might be a bad idea....but he seemed so sincere and so safe and protecting...i just sat there and believed everything that came out of that mouth...and look where i ended up...those of you who've known me since jamie know i was never should i could take another bad break up...well here i am...another bad break up...one where i'd give ANYTHING and EVERYTHING...and i mean that 100%...just to get him back...but i cant...i have to "grit my teeth and struggle through" or w/e whoever that was [maybe gil?] said...but i dont know if i have the strength to do that left in me...especially not after a weekend like the one i just had...possibly the worst fucking weekend of my life...and then i get dumped...aint it great the way life just throws shit at you...i knew it was too good to be true...i knew no one could love me like that...but i told myaelf they could...and i was wrong...no one can...i'm too much fucking hell to put up with and i know that and im sorry to all of you who i turn to with my stupid shit that shudnt bother me and with my stupid problems i shudnt have...ima try to make sure u guys never have to deal with my shit again...i havent decided how yet...but i have a few ideas
I love you
is 8 letters long
then again
so is
Bull shit.