We Don't Need 12 Steps To Show Us How Weak We've Become Anymore
So I went to the therapist yesterday for my 6 week appointment (which I'm not sure why I bother going to. It's always: "how are you?" "fine" "how is the medication working?" "fine" "are you sleeping okay?" "yes" "have you been exercising regularly?" "no" and then I leave.) Anyway, I told my doctor I don't want to be on the pills anymore, so I am taking what I have left every other day and then we're going down in dosage and then I will take that every day and then I will refill that dose and take it every other day and then stop taking it. Thing is, I'm really scared to stop taking it. I know, I know, I was scared to START taking it, but I was scared for this exact reason: what if I am totally unable to be around people when I'm not on Prozac? I know, on one hand, that that's so ridiculous to think. I had a lot of awesome friends and a good relationship with my mom and extended family for 21 years before ever taking a freaking mood enhancer. But... and this is a big but... I have never had a boyfriend for an extended period of time while on the pills. What if I really am a psycho bitch like all my exes said? And why do I care what my exes said about me anyway? I talked to Greg about it, and he told me that all I need to focus on and worry about is school and my job, and that the relationship is totally fine, totally stable, and if I'm weird and emotional for a little while, he understands and loves me anyway. To which I burst into tears because I had no idea how to respond otherwise. It made me happy, and I know he means it. He told me, also, that he wouldn't have asked me to marry him if he didn't mean it, and he's not about to change his mind. We'll see how he feels if I turn into an anxious, jealous and suspicious crazy person.