I'm Learning to Let Go
Anthony used to always say that thing about being a better person after a relationship had to do with not walking around with a chip on your shoulder, not being a bitter person. I think the only relationship that made me a better person was the one I had with Chris. That measly 3 weeks (that were fairly drama free and pretty happy) made me a better person in the end than the entire, miserable (but life-lesson filled) depression that resulted from my "relationship" with "Mr. Morocco." But it wasn't really Chris. Or even the relationship. It was my subsequent actions due to its demise. Because after all of that, after the weirdness, and the rejection, for one reason or another, I did something that I had not been able to do in 21 years: I called my dad. That call to my father lifted a chip on my shoulder that I'm not sure I even knew was a strong as it was. But I did it. I told him he had ruined my life, obliterated my trust in men, and if I ended up alone and miserable, it was HIS FAULT. Dramatic and a little jr. high, I know, but those words helped me. To say those things healed some pain inside of me. Or at least began to. Maybe stupid, immature, refuses-to-grow-up Anthony was on to something. Maybe we do just need to get over our bitterness after a relationship so we can grow and move on. Who really knew that mine would be with my dad and not necessarily with him (or even with Chris)? I guess the one man in my life, the one sorry, missed-out-on-something-great guy really was the only one I ever really needed. I guess ex-boyfriends are a matter of perspective.