Today is the day!
Today Jayson and I are getting married. It's strange to think that this is our wedding day. I'm extremely nervous and the last minute jitters are turning my stomach in knots. I woke up right after he left the house to have a cigarette (yeah I know I should quit but my nerves are frayed) and a cup of coffee, and reflect on these last few years.
How did we get from point A - 8 years ago, to point B - 3 years ago, down to point C - 2 years ago, and finally end up here at point D? At what point did we choose to love one another? When did my school girlish crush turn into something to deep and driving that I've gone through some new depths of hell with this man and back again? Where did I go so right to get the man I set my mind to even before I was able to touch his flesh? The guy that captivated my heart, imagination, and my thoughts. Who seemed to know me in and out even before knowing me fully.
Yes, today I'm getting married to Jayson. A man who has been my very best friend, when my closest friends are so few but so important. The man who has stood at my side during mental illness, physical illness, rape, and poverty amongst just a few things. Who taught me how to be a better mother, a better person, and brought out the need for me to be a better me and continue to grow upon the foundations that Imara helped to lay after dusting those part of me off and standing them back up. Someone who made me feel worth while, and those times have outweighted the painful ones that we've already had.
Yes, today I am marrying Jayson. I will stand before my God, and his, my family and our small gathering of friends, and more importantly my children; and I will vow to love him unconditionally. Today my "ready made family" will have a father figure that has vowed the same. Today I will give myself unto someone who makes me smile far more than he brings tears, who holds me close even when I don't realize that I need the embrace, who bring a flush to my cheeks and heart with the simple and precious way he calls me beautiful.
Yep, I'm getting married to Jayson today. And while I'm terrified because of my past experiences have taught me to guard my heart while longing for what it wishes and needs... I'm excited at the same time. Not just excited, I'm estatic.
Yes, today, I will become Mrs. Maria Mahala.
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Update soon to come on when this baby will be born, they tried this weekend but her lungs weren't mature enough. Should happen in the next 3 weeks!
How did we get from point A - 8 years ago, to point B - 3 years ago, down to point C - 2 years ago, and finally end up here at point D? At what point did we choose to love one another? When did my school girlish crush turn into something to deep and driving that I've gone through some new depths of hell with this man and back again? Where did I go so right to get the man I set my mind to even before I was able to touch his flesh? The guy that captivated my heart, imagination, and my thoughts. Who seemed to know me in and out even before knowing me fully.
Yes, today I'm getting married to Jayson. A man who has been my very best friend, when my closest friends are so few but so important. The man who has stood at my side during mental illness, physical illness, rape, and poverty amongst just a few things. Who taught me how to be a better mother, a better person, and brought out the need for me to be a better me and continue to grow upon the foundations that Imara helped to lay after dusting those part of me off and standing them back up. Someone who made me feel worth while, and those times have outweighted the painful ones that we've already had.
Yes, today I am marrying Jayson. I will stand before my God, and his, my family and our small gathering of friends, and more importantly my children; and I will vow to love him unconditionally. Today my "ready made family" will have a father figure that has vowed the same. Today I will give myself unto someone who makes me smile far more than he brings tears, who holds me close even when I don't realize that I need the embrace, who bring a flush to my cheeks and heart with the simple and precious way he calls me beautiful.
Yep, I'm getting married to Jayson today. And while I'm terrified because of my past experiences have taught me to guard my heart while longing for what it wishes and needs... I'm excited at the same time. Not just excited, I'm estatic.
Yes, today, I will become Mrs. Maria Mahala.
------
Update soon to come on when this baby will be born, they tried this weekend but her lungs weren't mature enough. Should happen in the next 3 weeks!