Just Say No to Skinny Jeans
I have a serious fashion problem. Not my own, thankfully, but something I’m observing daily all around me. It is the travesty of… the skinny jean. It’s bad enough on girls. If I have to see one more skinny-jean-tucked-into-boot-with-floaty-tunic combo I’m going to go nuts. But it’s when it comes to the lads…
Example: I currently work with, I think, the most perfect male specimen I’ve ever encountered. Tall, dark, slim, insanely don’t-keep-all-those-genes-to-yourself gorgeous. It’s a pleasure just walking into work and catching a glimpse of him. (He’s also very sweet and idealistic and puppyish and at five years older than him I kind of feel like his mother, but when he keeps his mouth shut? Greek god territory.) He also wears skinny jeans. Every day. And physically perfect though he is, it’s just WRONG. To clarify, I think a man’s thigh is one of the nicer things on God’s green earth. But I don’t want to see it all! All the time! Encased in denim so tight from belt to ankle it looks like he tumble-dried himself! For the love of all that is good and decent, MAKE IT STOP! And they’re everywhere! Long stork-like denim-clad legs with big huge man-shoes poking out the bottom! And half these men are STRAIGHT! Like their hair! Ironed with tongs every morning!
The other day I found some old jeans Steve used to wear ten years ago and made him put them on. I laughed so hard I nearly made myself sick. There is no democracy in a skinny jean. Some men can wear them, some just can’t. But even if they can, they should JUST SAY NO!
Example: I currently work with, I think, the most perfect male specimen I’ve ever encountered. Tall, dark, slim, insanely don’t-keep-all-those-genes-to-yourself gorgeous. It’s a pleasure just walking into work and catching a glimpse of him. (He’s also very sweet and idealistic and puppyish and at five years older than him I kind of feel like his mother, but when he keeps his mouth shut? Greek god territory.) He also wears skinny jeans. Every day. And physically perfect though he is, it’s just WRONG. To clarify, I think a man’s thigh is one of the nicer things on God’s green earth. But I don’t want to see it all! All the time! Encased in denim so tight from belt to ankle it looks like he tumble-dried himself! For the love of all that is good and decent, MAKE IT STOP! And they’re everywhere! Long stork-like denim-clad legs with big huge man-shoes poking out the bottom! And half these men are STRAIGHT! Like their hair! Ironed with tongs every morning!
The other day I found some old jeans Steve used to wear ten years ago and made him put them on. I laughed so hard I nearly made myself sick. There is no democracy in a skinny jean. Some men can wear them, some just can’t. But even if they can, they should JUST SAY NO!