Thanks for sharing.yourworstfriendJune 21 2005, 02:43:59 UTC
I strongly relate to a few things you're saying here.
Last semester was my first "I can learn as much as I'm willing to try to!" semester. It feels good to DECIDE to learn as much as you can (of your interest) instead of SETTLE to learn enough to pass. Also I need to pick my major, not that we should pick one together, but in the woods I'm sure we'll have time to discuss this.
There are some real cool rabbis I've talked to. The coolest ones don't push the bible at all anymore. I think of it as my ethnic identity. I have wondered things like if I were raising children, would I bother to take them to synnagague. And really, it just gives me an extra way to relate to other jews. Maybe I'd rather take my kids to a bunch of different kinds of church, and have them "graduate" with an understanding of each way of life. I sure don't know shit about Islam.
I've also been thinking about what it means to be a man, and how I want to construct my identity. I would love to have an in depth conversation about it with you any time, again I'm sure the woods will provide ample opportunity. A lot of my recent conclusions have involved choosing my sexual identity and putting forth a bit of effort into making myself the top cock of my walk. Sad I know to drop it down to sex, but I think human life is best lived at its healthiest, sharpest, most energetic and positive emotional state that you can maintain for yourself, and in many ways, all these things are gagued in a sensual light. I do know you consider yourself ugly but I do not think your mentally projected appearance needs to limit you. Everything that's ever lived has learned to live with its condition as best as it could, that's the game. Most of it is mental anyways, don't take it as a cliche. Personally, I'm sick of settling for the junk heap that I've accepted as myself. This introverted hide at home support group of friends is not the challenging fun life that is my bar. Peeling the dead scales off my coccoon to show more of my color's brightness. I feel most alive surrounded by strangeness, new experiences, and I love flirting with sharp girls while not feeling dependent on them. I know these things yet I haven't made the biggest steps to change my lifestyle. I'm chasing the ghost of anything new, and it's a matter of breaking every last routine and finding where I thrive. Remembering the great stories that have made me who I am. Remembering I have a gold mine to share if I just hold the bag tags of my mind. Trying to get better at grabbing those thoughts that I haven't thought yet. Jumping to the next routine.
Re: Thanks for sharing.yourworstfriendJune 24 2005, 01:29:45 UTC
While for most Americans indulgence is all they know, I think we may have a different issue common here. I can do nothing and be content, but at a certain point it feels like hiding from my life's true potential. Of course it's about balance, but staying in hiding isn't balance.
Last semester was my first "I can learn as much as I'm willing to try to!" semester. It feels good to DECIDE to learn as much as you can (of your interest) instead of SETTLE to learn enough to pass. Also I need to pick my major, not that we should pick one together, but in the woods I'm sure we'll have time to discuss this.
There are some real cool rabbis I've talked to. The coolest ones don't push the bible at all anymore. I think of it as my ethnic identity. I have wondered things like if I were raising children, would I bother to take them to synnagague. And really, it just gives me an extra way to relate to other jews. Maybe I'd rather take my kids to a bunch of different kinds of church, and have them "graduate" with an understanding of each way of life. I sure don't know shit about Islam.
I've also been thinking about what it means to be a man, and how I want to construct my identity. I would love to have an in depth conversation about it with you any time, again I'm sure the woods will provide ample opportunity. A lot of my recent conclusions have involved choosing my sexual identity and putting forth a bit of effort into making myself the top cock of my walk. Sad I know to drop it down to sex, but I think human life is best lived at its healthiest, sharpest, most energetic and positive emotional state that you can maintain for yourself, and in many ways, all these things are gagued in a sensual light.
I do know you consider yourself ugly but I do not think your mentally projected appearance needs to limit you. Everything that's ever lived has learned to live with its condition as best as it could, that's the game. Most of it is mental anyways, don't take it as a cliche.
Personally, I'm sick of settling for the junk heap that I've accepted as myself. This introverted hide at home support group of friends is not the challenging fun life that is my bar. Peeling the dead scales off my coccoon to show more of my color's brightness. I feel most alive surrounded by strangeness, new experiences, and I love flirting with sharp girls while not feeling dependent on them. I know these things yet I haven't made the biggest steps to change my lifestyle. I'm chasing the ghost of anything new, and it's a matter of breaking every last routine and finding where I thrive. Remembering the great stories that have made me who I am. Remembering I have a gold mine to share if I just hold the bag tags of my mind. Trying to get better at grabbing those thoughts that I haven't thought yet. Jumping to the next routine.
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