ZOMGWTFBBQ?
Okay - where do I start? Where on freaking Earth do I start?
Let's see...I guess I'll come straight out with it.
My mother is getting divorced.
Wait - hold your sympathies. She is getting divorced from her husband of 17 years, the husband whom, for 9 of those years abused me mentally and physically.
Have any of you ever played with Stretch Armstrong? That is what I feel like right now. Naturally, I feel good that she is getting away from his negativity but - I hate that she has to go through this! And I feel for my brother - no kid should have to deal with his parents going through something like this during his senior year in high school.
He cheated on her. Naturally, I am furious about that. She is such a beautiful, intelligent woman - she deserves the whole fucking world, I swear. And from what I hear, he cheated on her with this chick who was the Town Bicycle - you know, *EVERYONE*'s had a ride. :-P He begged and pleaded for her to take him back, blaming it all on a midlife crisis - She called him on his bullshit and kicked him out of the house. I am so fucking proud of that woman my heart could just burst. He never treated her right, never appreciated her and I can't believe that it took 17 years for her to figure that out. But at the same time, my heart is crying out BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!!!!
I am trying so hard to find the words to describe how I am feeling right now ... I feel like ocean water that has been put in a tiny box, and sloshed back and forth. The waves are high, swinging to and fro, in a wild pattern that is not a pattern at all.
Can I tell you something? This past year, since I have gotten really deep into my therapy, I have been able to feel my feelings again for the first time in I don't know how long. I have been able to feel and express my feelings without feeling guilty for having them. And one of the feelings that has been gnawing away at the back of my skull has been this: Why couldn't she have left him when she found out he was abusing me? Wasn't that a good enough reason?
In the midst of all this emotion I am left feeling just a little bit like House. (Great show, if you have never seen it.) I just mask it all and pretend it is not there while there are layers upon layers of things going on in the background.
I have had one helluva day with insane ups and downs and I am so incredibly tired - Hope to update again soon when I am feeling more sane.
Let's see...I guess I'll come straight out with it.
My mother is getting divorced.
Wait - hold your sympathies. She is getting divorced from her husband of 17 years, the husband whom, for 9 of those years abused me mentally and physically.
Have any of you ever played with Stretch Armstrong? That is what I feel like right now. Naturally, I feel good that she is getting away from his negativity but - I hate that she has to go through this! And I feel for my brother - no kid should have to deal with his parents going through something like this during his senior year in high school.
He cheated on her. Naturally, I am furious about that. She is such a beautiful, intelligent woman - she deserves the whole fucking world, I swear. And from what I hear, he cheated on her with this chick who was the Town Bicycle - you know, *EVERYONE*'s had a ride. :-P He begged and pleaded for her to take him back, blaming it all on a midlife crisis - She called him on his bullshit and kicked him out of the house. I am so fucking proud of that woman my heart could just burst. He never treated her right, never appreciated her and I can't believe that it took 17 years for her to figure that out. But at the same time, my heart is crying out BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!!!!
I am trying so hard to find the words to describe how I am feeling right now ... I feel like ocean water that has been put in a tiny box, and sloshed back and forth. The waves are high, swinging to and fro, in a wild pattern that is not a pattern at all.
Can I tell you something? This past year, since I have gotten really deep into my therapy, I have been able to feel my feelings again for the first time in I don't know how long. I have been able to feel and express my feelings without feeling guilty for having them. And one of the feelings that has been gnawing away at the back of my skull has been this: Why couldn't she have left him when she found out he was abusing me? Wasn't that a good enough reason?
In the midst of all this emotion I am left feeling just a little bit like House. (Great show, if you have never seen it.) I just mask it all and pretend it is not there while there are layers upon layers of things going on in the background.
I have had one helluva day with insane ups and downs and I am so incredibly tired - Hope to update again soon when I am feeling more sane.