Barreling towards Winter Quarter
Winter Quarter begins January 5. I am ready, kinda sorta, I guess...eh. LOL It is a sad sad situation when I am far more excited about the prospect of student loan checks coming in than I am about the learning adventures that await me this quarter.
I just realized I have a doctor's appointment in 9 hours but I am nowhere near getting ready to go to sleep. Not a doctor's appointment, but a therapy appointment. I have done bug all this week, just tried to lay low and not think as much as possible. It is best this way. The holidays can rile up all sorts of messy emotions in people, especially messed up people like me. Not only do I have mixed feelings about family when the holidays pop up; I also - well, to put it bluntly I feel as though I know how Jewish children feel during Christmas. Feels like you're getting the short end of the stick. I just want to stand atop a box and shout at everyone - this "christmas" that you are celebrating? These trees and garlands and gifts, the star and lights; WE gave you these things. We PAGANS who you stepped on and subjugated in order to create your religious empire. You stole our people, our culture, and our rituals and bastardized them.
The Solstice is so beautiful, what it stands for, what it really means. Christmas day is hollow and devoid of meaning for me, both religiously and because of family issues.
See? I get so emotional when I start to think of everything - pandora's box opens. So I choose not to think, just to exist. I have been playing World of Warcraft for something like 8-9 hours a day for the last week. It is novocain for my emotions.
On a final thought, I *miss* the piano. I really truly do. I am a shit player and I know it, I make people's ears hurt I am sure, but gods I love it so. I don't think I will ever have the courage to play for anyone but myself but I love it. It makes me so - happy? I will be getting a digital with one of the checks that come in, to hell with what everyone else wants.
I just realized I have a doctor's appointment in 9 hours but I am nowhere near getting ready to go to sleep. Not a doctor's appointment, but a therapy appointment. I have done bug all this week, just tried to lay low and not think as much as possible. It is best this way. The holidays can rile up all sorts of messy emotions in people, especially messed up people like me. Not only do I have mixed feelings about family when the holidays pop up; I also - well, to put it bluntly I feel as though I know how Jewish children feel during Christmas. Feels like you're getting the short end of the stick. I just want to stand atop a box and shout at everyone - this "christmas" that you are celebrating? These trees and garlands and gifts, the star and lights; WE gave you these things. We PAGANS who you stepped on and subjugated in order to create your religious empire. You stole our people, our culture, and our rituals and bastardized them.
The Solstice is so beautiful, what it stands for, what it really means. Christmas day is hollow and devoid of meaning for me, both religiously and because of family issues.
See? I get so emotional when I start to think of everything - pandora's box opens. So I choose not to think, just to exist. I have been playing World of Warcraft for something like 8-9 hours a day for the last week. It is novocain for my emotions.
On a final thought, I *miss* the piano. I really truly do. I am a shit player and I know it, I make people's ears hurt I am sure, but gods I love it so. I don't think I will ever have the courage to play for anyone but myself but I love it. It makes me so - happy? I will be getting a digital with one of the checks that come in, to hell with what everyone else wants.