searching for hope
Faithfulness, hope and the future a question of God this morning. I won’t say I like God right now once again I don’t understand just what he’s trying to accomplish with this. Furthermore I don’t really have any answers its been voiced to me that there is still hope in this situation by those who know what’s gone on. Don’t get me wrong I want even now to believe that there’s some way out of this insanity. That said I don’t see it and I’m not being faithless before yesterday if nothing else I could count on God having my back with this situation. now I don’t even get that as frankly not only am I against everything else but also Gods rules as divorce is something God hates and frankly I don’t know if I could wait any longer than this without one hell of a confidence builder in both God and her frankly. Let me be clear here I’m ruminating on this life shitty though it is (I will not attempt to breakup a marriage). I don’t see a lot of hope because of that I suppose if I was willing to go there, there might be a small amount (of hope) but I’m not. Sigh all i have ever wanted was a simple life and this isn’t it if it was for anything or anyone else id be gone so fast it would make your head spin. I guess we can’t choose those we love. so where do I go from here?? I’ve apparently believed a lie (from God) for the past seven years I don’t say that lightly but I do say it. I really don’t trust him anymore from this and I hate that as I would love to say I could even with all of this but frankly this is likely the straw that broke the camels back. I don’t really know what to do anymore as I said before I would give my eye teeth for a way out that would give me hope but I honestly don’t see it perhaps I’m too close to all this hence this post. I’ll be honest last night I came real close to giving God the finger and washing my hands of religion altogether as frankly I was given certain assurance about this thing with Pers that this marriage is 180 degrees against, I still may wash my hands of all of this I just don’t know. I don’t understand so much of this but frankly that’s nothing new why isn’t something that god seems to answer sigh I just don’t know....