dreamers never live, only dream of it
sooooo, i'm feeling apathetic again. vaguely depressed. at times. it's just that i cannot wait to get out of this place, to graduate and join the peace corps. to leave for 27 fucking months. which means, no matter what that i must not be happy. because if i was happy why the fuck would i want to leave everything i know and love for 27 months. but that's what i want. more than anything right now. because i feel like only then can my life really start. i don't know, it sounds weird and stupid, but i know that that experience is the jump start my life needs right now. i need to make that commitment and go somewhere and see things i've never seen before and have the most intense and amazing experiences of my life. i want to go to africa, maybe south africa or swaziland, and work in the health sector, mostly with hiv/aids but also doing work with other diseases and finding potable water and whatever else they might want me to do. that would help me have direction and focus when i (hopefully) go to law school. i don't even care about my grades anymore, i just want to graduate. as long as i don't lose my scholarships so i can graduate then i'm fine. whatever.
but i am happy sometimes. but not happy enough. one day.
but i am happy sometimes. but not happy enough. one day.