Fabuleux destin d'Ruth Tango
There's a surprise waiting for you when you get home and it is something that will make you feel tingly, fuzzy, and happy all over. As you know from experience, I myself hate surprises. Surprises stir within me a combination of anticipation and curiosity that form a unique brand of torture. Since I want to spare you from this, I will give you a couple of helpful, but very discreet hints.
- It's PG-13, but it's as good as if it wasn't.
- It breathes, but it does not have fur or roots.
- It's a gift that keeps on giving and taking, in equal parts, with little inhibition. Think Energizer Bunny on meth.
- It will elevate my Awesome Girlfriend status to Super Awesome Girlfriend.
In other news, yesterday was Jeff's graduation/birthday party-- a fun, lively, sugar-driven frenzy involving frisbees, karaoke, grinding, and good-natured requests for porn now that Jeff can legally rent it from Family Video. Oliwia was there too, and she ripped the place up with some hot, foreign ass-shaking. I think a lot of people were overwhelmed/ intimidated/ uppity about how she danced, to which she responded with a confident smile that demurely translated into "Go fuck yourself."
Most flattering picture of me evar.
I've been talking to your mom lately, and she's been relaying the messages you've given to your aunt. Despite the fact that you won't be able to read this for a couple more days (weeks?), I will continue to journal vigilantly. I'm quite the martyr, I know. Alert the Pope. I've also been checking prepaid calling cards to Bulgaria and they're only $5 for a gajillion minutes! I guess prices are on the floor because no one really makes calls there to the boons. I'm not complaining mind you, this is great for me as I'm finding myself getting exponentially poorer as days progress.
I've made plans with Vikki for Tuesday, too! Afterwards, I plan to stop by your Mom's to say hi. Gotta make my rounds you know, the public demands my presence (not really).
I also met with my editor today, Andy. I went over some stuff with him including what, for the sake of all things good and holy, possessed him to keep me around as his Features Editor. He assured me that, despite my crassness, spazticness, and tendencies to serenade him with boy-band melodies, I am perfect for the job. And by perfect he means willing. Can't complain, eh? I'm looking forward to being back in the paper this year, especially since Rose Anne will most likely be back as News Editor. More serenading fun!
This is probably just as long as the first one, if not longer, even if I promised myself to tone the rambling down a bit. Can't blame me though; it's hard to go from you being constantly around to you being in a different continent. Maybe you can print this out and take it with you to the beach for some light reading? Whatever works for you, I guess. E-mail me as soon as the intranets are back, kayz? I love you.