Oz Graffixation #9
Artist:
dustandroses
The End of an Era by michele659
Title: The End of an Era
Author: michele659
This was the end, Ryan thought.
He sat on the bus that took him away from Oz, away from his last memories of Cyril, and away from Gloria.
It made sense that there would be snow on the ground and a biting wind that would make him feel numb.
He’d forgiven his father the way Gloria had wanted him to. Forgiven Seamus so Ryan could be forgiven by Gloria.
It didn’t help.
He would never have the closeness he’d had with Cyril with Seamus-and soon Seamus would be dead, anyway.
That left his mother. He loved his mother and the time he spent with her had made some of the wounds of his past heal.
But he didn’t know if they’d ever go back to Oz or if his mother would come back and teach the arts program if they did return.
He’d have to see her in the visiting room of the prison, and who knew how long his mother would want to do that? People always had the best intentions when it came to visiting their family in prison; it didn’t always last.
He thought he’d found salvation with Gloria. He couldn’t believe that someone like her could love him. He felt grateful that she’d forgiven him, happy that she supported him, and the night that Cyril died and she’d kissed him he thought that maybe, just maybe God had figured he’d paid enough for his sins and he’d finally he’d be able to have someone good in his life.
Then Gloria had told him she was leaving Oz and she couldn’t see him anymore and his life started to fall apart once again.
****
Gloria, I don’t understand what you’re saying! Ryan knew he sounded desperate but he couldn’t help himself. We were getting closer-Gloria; you said you’d forgiven me! You kissed me! You comforted me the night Cyril died! That couldn’t have been a lie,could it?
He kept his eyes on the floor, unwilling to look at the answer he might see in her eyes.
Finally, when he couldn’t bear the silence anymore he looked up and wished he hadn’t.
The last thing he’d ever wanted to see in Gloria’s eyes was pity.
I’m sorry Ryan. I have feelings for you, but you must know that we could never have the kind of relationship you want!
I thought you wanted it, too! Ryan answered bitterly. You let me think that’s what you wanted!
I wanted to be there for you while you fought for Cyril. When you lost that fight I knew you’d need some comfort or you’d lose it totally.
So you- pitied me? Ryan could hardly get the words out without choking on them.
No-I- I DID feel sorry for you, but I never pitied you! What I felt was caring but not the kind of love you want. Not the kind that would last. Deep down you knew that, didn’t you?
No, he hadn’t known that.
Are you afraid of me? Afraid that I’ll hurt you-because you have to know that I never would! He grabbed her and looked at her closely to make sure she understood.
It’s not that. I don’t think you’d hurt me. I just can’t have a life with you. Please, Ryan-you’ve got to know I’m right! She sighed. I’m going to leave Oz. It’s the only thing to do. The only thing that makes sense!
None of this makes sense! Ryan could feel the tears form in his eyes and he wanted to punch something. How the hell could he have come so far just to fall short like this? He’d finally taken a leap and he’d ended up on the bottom of the fucking cliff.
Please let me try and change your mind. You’re not leaving right away are you?
I’m leaving in two weeks, Ryan, she’d said, with what Ryan hoped was regret.
That’ll be enough time to change your mind, Ryan told her.
He’d never have the chance now. His last hope vanished with their evacuation of the prison.
They weren’t even on the same bus.
He looked around at the people who were on the bus with him.
Most of them were in the same situation he was. Guys who had no one and nothing to really look forward to.
Most of them wouldn’t ever get out of Oz.
He glanced at Beecher and frowned.
Of course it would be Keller who’d set this whole thing in motion.
The man never did anything like a normal person.
Annihilate all the Aryans so no one would be around to try and get revenge on Beecher for Schillinger’s death.
Grand gestures of love.
Ryan sighed and thought that he really had more in common with Keller than he’d like to admit.
Love had driven him to do some incredibly stupid things, too.
At least he’d felt something though and that was a good thing.
Now? Now he just wanted to feel nothing.
He didn’t want to feel anything ever again.
***
Toby couldn’t keep the smile off his face.
Trust Chris to do something like this.
Kill the Aryans so that they never tried to get revenge on him.
He knew he should feel bad that the Aryans had died, and he did feel bad for the C.O.’s who were killed.
But as much as he tried to feel sorry for the Aryans death he couldn’t.
They really all should rot in hell with Schillinger.
Toby thought back on the past years at Oz and decided that their deaths were nothing in comparison to the torture he’d endured over the years. All the torture so many people had endured because of them.
Nothing could compare to the death of his son, his father and the attempted murder of his brother.
Or the kidnapping and psychological scarring of his daughter.
Hell, he’d tried to do what Said had told him was right. What Sister Pete had said was right.
The fact was that nothing they told him to do ever kept him or his family safe.
It was only when Chris had intervened and said he’d killed Schillinger’s son Hank that Vern decided not to kill Toby and his family.
Chris had killed Vern and the Aryans. For him.
He’d told Chris he was wrong to kill, said it was just the continuation of a cycle that wouldn’t end.
But it had ended.
He couldn’t let himself think about Chris’ death now-couldn’t deal with the pain he knew would come from thinking of it.
So he focused on the fact that for the first time in years he was free not only from fear but of the worry of repercussions.
And he smiled at the feeling.
***
Miguel looked around at his fellow prisoners.
Most of them looked shell shocked.
Oz was a hell hole but it was home.
Now where were they going to go?
Would they be scattered and have to start over with new gangs, new enemies, new rules to learn?
Would they ever get back to Oz?
Miguel took a deep breath and sighed.
It was a sigh of pure relief.
He was free.
Free of Torquemada’s hold on him.
Free of his dependence on the thing that tied him to Alonzo, the D tabs.
Miguel laughed bitterly to himself.
The name of the drug he was addicted to was called Destiny.
Destiny.
Had destiny brought him to this point? Had it brought all of them to this point?
Or had they made their own destiny with the choices they’d all made?
He could be free of it.
He wanted to be free of it, but for the first time in a long time he didn’t want to be free by obliterating all feeling.
He wanted to feel something again-and he would.