You can't do that! I just got camping dumped!
Well, the camping trip was much different than I had anticipated, shockingly so, and I should mope about it. But I still had a really good time. First of all, Leighton and River objected to us stealing Sean away on his birthday so they came along too, and brought Rachel with them. Second of all, I forgot my sleeping bag. Third of all, Sean was confused about his feelings for me and also frequently agrees to do things he doesn't really want to do, but then mopes a bunch and makes it obvious he'd rather not be there, and also acts like a douche towards me because he wants to avoid awkward situations, but he doesn't realize that just talking to me about things would actually be much less awkward than the awkward situation he is creating by trying to avoid awkward situations. Fourth of all, Leighton and River secretly brought alcohol. Not very much, but it was still a different turn in my life. Reminds me of sophomore year of high school, when Emily and I thought we were badass. Stupid drinking. It didn't really bother me that much though, because of course they're nerds so they play strategy-based drinking games. It was actually pretty amusing. But pretty much, I still don't want chemicals entering my brain and fucking things up. It's a question of morals. However, I got to have this conversation while we were lying on the ground under the stars:
Me: River, you smell like pirate.
River: What does that even mean?
Me: It's a mixture of rum and dirty.
Then everyone except Lucy and Jacob, who had gone to bed, walked down to the lake in the dark at 1am and we saw the stars reflected on the lake because the moon hadn't risen yet. It was beautiful. And then there was a weird fog encroaching upon us from across the lake, and Leighton and River and I walked with conviction out to the end of the dock, linked arms, and waited for it to reach us. It was pretty good.
After that followed one of the worst nights of sleep in my life. The blanket I borrowed from Lucy is perfectly warm enough when I use it in her room, in a house, but it turns out that's not the case when I slept outside. Plus, Sean was being stupid. Also, it was so cold that in addition to wearing two pairs of socks on my feet, I had to wear one pair on my hands. As in, I actually wore fucking sock mittens. Then at one point I randomly woke up because I was cold, and was actually so angsty that I just wanted to listen to Regina Spektor's "Laughing With," which Nick just showed me recently. Regina Spektor was basically like, "Let's take twenty situations that are even sadder than finding dead puppies in your mailbox, and make it into a song," and that's how she wrote the song. Yeah. It's a really good song. And that's how bad my night was.
Then the next morning, Lucy, Jacob, and I all expected Sean to opt out and leave with the others when they took Rachel home for work, but the surprising thing was, at first he didn't. He actually stayed after they left, but within the first minute of him moping around, we all told him that he had vastly exceeded our expectations of him, to which he generally mumbled a lot and was douchy and obviously didn't want to be there. Then Jacob suggested that he could still call the others because it hadn't been very long, so he did that, and they came back, but during the time when we were waiting for them to arrive, he actually stopped being worried about, I dunno, probably having to face the prospect of sleeping in a tent with me, and then he actually became someone who was enjoying himself, and who we would actually want on our camping trip. Throughout the whole trip, I had already been expecting him to leave, and he really wasn't contributing much to the group except douchery, so I couldn't have cared less if he stayed. But then all of a sudden he was a good person again and I cared again. Stupid boys. Stupid caring.
The rest of the trip consisted of lots of awesome things, like meandering in Coos Bay, bad driving, swimming, bargaining for secrets, journal reading, hot dogs and s'mores, and real life share time around the campfire. It also turned out to be okay that Sean left, because I soon realized that any time anyone whined about anything or said or did anything I didn't approve of, I got to say, "You can't do that! I just got camping dumped!" And the second night, Sean left his sleeping bag for me to borrow, which was one of those awesome sleeping bags with hoods and a string that tightens around you to keep the cold out. Basically, I was an awesome cuddly caterpillar. The next morning we swam some more and I ran down a dune and then we drove up to Florence, where there was a carnival and a parade!!! It was very very exciting, although we didn't really partake in either festivity, just had pizza and went in Funky Monkey Toy Store and BJ's. And Lucy found a sad, decrepit teddy bear with moss and grass growing out of him, and when we got home, she cleaned him, stitched him, adorned him, and cuddled him. And creatively named him Teddy. I can't hug him because he gives me the feeling of cotton balls being rubbed together, which, if you actually know me, you may know freaks me the fuck out, but I would if I could. A lot. It's like I'm Bobby and that teddy bear is Rogue. If we touch, I'll die.
So, also, after I got camping dumped, when we got home, I went and talked to Sean for a bit.
Me: So, I think at one point, I liked you, and you liked me, yes?
Him: Yes.
Me: So, did that change?
Him: ...I don't know? (Looking back on this, what the fuck else would he have said? Oh, Sean..)
Me: Well, if you don't, you need to tell me so I don't feel like a dumb bitch when you ignore me. And if you do... it's up to you I guess.
Him: I'm still trying to figure everything out, if that makes sense.
I feel just like Lucy for most of junior and senior year of high school. I think a simple "No" would have actually been much better. Now, I'm just waiting. He won't call; he never does. So I pretty much think it's over unless something drastic happens. In the mean time we hang out and sometimes I want to punch his face in because he ignores us and is just downright rude. But I feel like we don't really have the right to be mad because we invite ourselves over. But we always ask him, and he says yes, when he probably would rather play videogames uninterrupted. He should learn to say no when he doesn't want to do something, and we should learn to respect that. It would make for a lot less of Lucy and I getting our feelings hurt. But the thing is, when he's actually hanging out with us, when he's actually engaged, he's so much fun to be around. And I still like that him, a lot. And hate the other him. Or, I don't hate the other him. That's a fine person to be, and I respect it, but I just hate to be around him when he's like that. He should just say no. Ugh.. we should probably talk or something. I should probably grow some balls and take the initiative, because he probably won't. In the mean time, let's just put my situation in terms of Good Charlotte... (Yeah, sorry about still liking Good Charlotte a little bit. I admit, it's not one of my better features.)
If you want me to wait, I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay, I will stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all, I'm happy wonderin'
Well, if nothing happens (which it probably won't) I at least have faith that we'll still be great friends. I mean, after we had above conversation (and after I had said thanks for camping dumping me, and then started to walk away without my flip flops and had to run back.. FAIL) Lucy and I drove back there to take him a bunch of leftover food that happens to be food that we eat over there all the time, and ended up hanging around there to eat Tofutti Cuties and talk about D&D for an hour. It's probably going to be okay.
In other news, I am now nineteen years old. That's pretty fuckin' old if you ask me. My parents took Lucy and I out to McMenamin's and Sweet Life. Deeeeeelicious. Also, I just have to point out that my mom is awesome. She ordered me a recording of the Carnival of the Animals, because one time I randomly mentioned that I was looking for that, and she thought fast and wrote it down on one of her millions of little slips of paper. Meanwhile, I forgot that I had even ever mentioned that to her, and was completely surprised and overjoyed! The same thing happened at Christmas when I found a pocket knife in my stocking. My mom is a stealthily good gift giver.
Also in other news. The show Glee. It's about awkward nerdy choir kids and a Spanish teacher who wants to rejuvenate the school's Glee Club. And it's all based on stereotypes, but that's a lot of what makes it funny. Also, they sing popular songs that I know. Also, the Spanish teacher is quite a hottie. The only problem was that I don't know anything about how TV shows are scheduled, and had previously assumed that every TV show's "seasons" were arbitrarily decided based on whatever point in time they decided they wanted to start, and all the different TV "seasons" ran independently of each other. Turns out, no. So the thing we watched was actually just an hour-long pilot but the actual show doesn't start until fall! And I watched the whole thing thinking that I would be able to watch the next episode next week or something! Why do I have to wait!?!?!?!?!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WAIT?!?!?!?!?!! It's soooo good. It's like High School Musical, except the jock-turned-singer actually looks a bit like a jock and not a gay boy, and the leading lady, the equivalent of Gabriela, actually starts out more resembling Sharpei than Gabriela. Like, the first time her character was established, I thought, "Oh, there's the equivalent of Sharpei..." Then I turned out to be wrong. But it's basically GREAT.
Also, Lucy and I are going to Malheur this weekend with her dad and sister. Her dad is really really stoked about it so he keeps sending me stuff on facebook- I think he's doing that thing Lucy and I do, like making lists to psych ourselves up. It's pretty great. I am excited. And when we get back, there's only three weeks of school left. Less than that, even! Like, 2.6 weeks! And, THE SIMS 3 WILL PRACTICALLY BE OUT WHEN WE GET BACK!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAH I can't wait to make my one family that I'm going to play with, and then populate the rest of my city with characters from TV, science fiction/fantasy books, movies, and celebrities. As in, Neal Patrick Harris is going to live in my city. FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Time to go to Spanish. Congrats if you actually read this all. If you didn't, what were you thinking! You missed a lot of good drama and ranting! Scroll back up! Read it now!
DFTBA!!!!!
Me: River, you smell like pirate.
River: What does that even mean?
Me: It's a mixture of rum and dirty.
Then everyone except Lucy and Jacob, who had gone to bed, walked down to the lake in the dark at 1am and we saw the stars reflected on the lake because the moon hadn't risen yet. It was beautiful. And then there was a weird fog encroaching upon us from across the lake, and Leighton and River and I walked with conviction out to the end of the dock, linked arms, and waited for it to reach us. It was pretty good.
After that followed one of the worst nights of sleep in my life. The blanket I borrowed from Lucy is perfectly warm enough when I use it in her room, in a house, but it turns out that's not the case when I slept outside. Plus, Sean was being stupid. Also, it was so cold that in addition to wearing two pairs of socks on my feet, I had to wear one pair on my hands. As in, I actually wore fucking sock mittens. Then at one point I randomly woke up because I was cold, and was actually so angsty that I just wanted to listen to Regina Spektor's "Laughing With," which Nick just showed me recently. Regina Spektor was basically like, "Let's take twenty situations that are even sadder than finding dead puppies in your mailbox, and make it into a song," and that's how she wrote the song. Yeah. It's a really good song. And that's how bad my night was.
Then the next morning, Lucy, Jacob, and I all expected Sean to opt out and leave with the others when they took Rachel home for work, but the surprising thing was, at first he didn't. He actually stayed after they left, but within the first minute of him moping around, we all told him that he had vastly exceeded our expectations of him, to which he generally mumbled a lot and was douchy and obviously didn't want to be there. Then Jacob suggested that he could still call the others because it hadn't been very long, so he did that, and they came back, but during the time when we were waiting for them to arrive, he actually stopped being worried about, I dunno, probably having to face the prospect of sleeping in a tent with me, and then he actually became someone who was enjoying himself, and who we would actually want on our camping trip. Throughout the whole trip, I had already been expecting him to leave, and he really wasn't contributing much to the group except douchery, so I couldn't have cared less if he stayed. But then all of a sudden he was a good person again and I cared again. Stupid boys. Stupid caring.
The rest of the trip consisted of lots of awesome things, like meandering in Coos Bay, bad driving, swimming, bargaining for secrets, journal reading, hot dogs and s'mores, and real life share time around the campfire. It also turned out to be okay that Sean left, because I soon realized that any time anyone whined about anything or said or did anything I didn't approve of, I got to say, "You can't do that! I just got camping dumped!" And the second night, Sean left his sleeping bag for me to borrow, which was one of those awesome sleeping bags with hoods and a string that tightens around you to keep the cold out. Basically, I was an awesome cuddly caterpillar. The next morning we swam some more and I ran down a dune and then we drove up to Florence, where there was a carnival and a parade!!! It was very very exciting, although we didn't really partake in either festivity, just had pizza and went in Funky Monkey Toy Store and BJ's. And Lucy found a sad, decrepit teddy bear with moss and grass growing out of him, and when we got home, she cleaned him, stitched him, adorned him, and cuddled him. And creatively named him Teddy. I can't hug him because he gives me the feeling of cotton balls being rubbed together, which, if you actually know me, you may know freaks me the fuck out, but I would if I could. A lot. It's like I'm Bobby and that teddy bear is Rogue. If we touch, I'll die.
So, also, after I got camping dumped, when we got home, I went and talked to Sean for a bit.
Me: So, I think at one point, I liked you, and you liked me, yes?
Him: Yes.
Me: So, did that change?
Him: ...I don't know? (Looking back on this, what the fuck else would he have said? Oh, Sean..)
Me: Well, if you don't, you need to tell me so I don't feel like a dumb bitch when you ignore me. And if you do... it's up to you I guess.
Him: I'm still trying to figure everything out, if that makes sense.
I feel just like Lucy for most of junior and senior year of high school. I think a simple "No" would have actually been much better. Now, I'm just waiting. He won't call; he never does. So I pretty much think it's over unless something drastic happens. In the mean time we hang out and sometimes I want to punch his face in because he ignores us and is just downright rude. But I feel like we don't really have the right to be mad because we invite ourselves over. But we always ask him, and he says yes, when he probably would rather play videogames uninterrupted. He should learn to say no when he doesn't want to do something, and we should learn to respect that. It would make for a lot less of Lucy and I getting our feelings hurt. But the thing is, when he's actually hanging out with us, when he's actually engaged, he's so much fun to be around. And I still like that him, a lot. And hate the other him. Or, I don't hate the other him. That's a fine person to be, and I respect it, but I just hate to be around him when he's like that. He should just say no. Ugh.. we should probably talk or something. I should probably grow some balls and take the initiative, because he probably won't. In the mean time, let's just put my situation in terms of Good Charlotte... (Yeah, sorry about still liking Good Charlotte a little bit. I admit, it's not one of my better features.)
If you want me to wait, I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay, I will stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all, I'm happy wonderin'
Well, if nothing happens (which it probably won't) I at least have faith that we'll still be great friends. I mean, after we had above conversation (and after I had said thanks for camping dumping me, and then started to walk away without my flip flops and had to run back.. FAIL) Lucy and I drove back there to take him a bunch of leftover food that happens to be food that we eat over there all the time, and ended up hanging around there to eat Tofutti Cuties and talk about D&D for an hour. It's probably going to be okay.
In other news, I am now nineteen years old. That's pretty fuckin' old if you ask me. My parents took Lucy and I out to McMenamin's and Sweet Life. Deeeeeelicious. Also, I just have to point out that my mom is awesome. She ordered me a recording of the Carnival of the Animals, because one time I randomly mentioned that I was looking for that, and she thought fast and wrote it down on one of her millions of little slips of paper. Meanwhile, I forgot that I had even ever mentioned that to her, and was completely surprised and overjoyed! The same thing happened at Christmas when I found a pocket knife in my stocking. My mom is a stealthily good gift giver.
Also in other news. The show Glee. It's about awkward nerdy choir kids and a Spanish teacher who wants to rejuvenate the school's Glee Club. And it's all based on stereotypes, but that's a lot of what makes it funny. Also, they sing popular songs that I know. Also, the Spanish teacher is quite a hottie. The only problem was that I don't know anything about how TV shows are scheduled, and had previously assumed that every TV show's "seasons" were arbitrarily decided based on whatever point in time they decided they wanted to start, and all the different TV "seasons" ran independently of each other. Turns out, no. So the thing we watched was actually just an hour-long pilot but the actual show doesn't start until fall! And I watched the whole thing thinking that I would be able to watch the next episode next week or something! Why do I have to wait!?!?!?!?!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WAIT?!?!?!?!?!! It's soooo good. It's like High School Musical, except the jock-turned-singer actually looks a bit like a jock and not a gay boy, and the leading lady, the equivalent of Gabriela, actually starts out more resembling Sharpei than Gabriela. Like, the first time her character was established, I thought, "Oh, there's the equivalent of Sharpei..." Then I turned out to be wrong. But it's basically GREAT.
Also, Lucy and I are going to Malheur this weekend with her dad and sister. Her dad is really really stoked about it so he keeps sending me stuff on facebook- I think he's doing that thing Lucy and I do, like making lists to psych ourselves up. It's pretty great. I am excited. And when we get back, there's only three weeks of school left. Less than that, even! Like, 2.6 weeks! And, THE SIMS 3 WILL PRACTICALLY BE OUT WHEN WE GET BACK!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAH I can't wait to make my one family that I'm going to play with, and then populate the rest of my city with characters from TV, science fiction/fantasy books, movies, and celebrities. As in, Neal Patrick Harris is going to live in my city. FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Time to go to Spanish. Congrats if you actually read this all. If you didn't, what were you thinking! You missed a lot of good drama and ranting! Scroll back up! Read it now!
DFTBA!!!!!