Thoughts From My Brain, or, Since It Is the Fad To Post Introspective Notes Tonight
Where to start? I have a lot of thoughts. I guess I'll pull this together from several sources of things I've written lately or maybe not so lately. We'll see how it goes. Maybe anything I've ever written is game to show up here. Anything goes. Also I will probably add to things as I go along, so this is maybe going to be hard to follow. It's like a mash-up of things I think and write.SO. Stapler is next to me on the desk and I think it's cute. My mom scolded me for getting a cheap little stapler, but so far it works great for stapling.
GO!
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I think if you can stand to come out of the dark, we should get together and philosophize.
Or, you could stay in the dark, and I'll come to you and bring a shiny flashlight of optimism, and existentialism, and aesthetic pleasure, and I think therefore I am and To thine own self be true and The ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind and still function. But it is only metaphorically shiny. The other day, ahahaha, actually this story was started because of you. So I noted the change of your religious views to Truthism, and decided to google that to see if anyone else had that as a religion. truthism.com is about how our whole society and existence is controlled by aliens called Reptilians. Which seems sketch. But it sort of called my beliefs into question because the dude who wrote it was like... You can't prove your own beliefs... blah blah. Looking back it was sort of a stupid argument because there's really no way to prove what he was saying was Truth either. But it was late at night, and I didn't feel like going to bed doubting everything. SO I decided to write down my beliefs and also looked back at other times when I did the same things and noted changes and statics in my beliefs and basically I feel happy about what I believe. Anyway.
Descartes /// I think, therefore I am. I mean, in some sense, I must exist, because I'm experiencing. This doesn't necessarily mean that all experience is true. When it comes right down to it, I think that what Descartes proved is theonly thing that anyone can ever really prove, ever.
Fitzgerald /// The ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind and still function... yeah, not only is it, as Fitzgerald said, the highest form of human intelligence, but it's crucial for understanding my belief system. Because while I can entertain the distinct possibilty that everything I know is wrong (there's a verse missing out of this song...) most of my other important beliefs function within my own paradigm of what I experience, and on some level, I have to believe that what my senses tell me and what my brain perceives from that information is true, is truth.
Shakespeare /// This above all else: To thine own self be true. I have kind of been having a lot of Shakespeare quotes running through my head lately... for some reason. But I'm not a big believer in conformity. Those "get out the vote" statuses that everyone had on facebook sort of pissed me off, and now that Obama's won, it's sort of pissing me off that everyone's status looks the same and says the same thing. OMGOMG OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA RAMA. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I FEEL PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. I'm glad he won, but... I dunno. A bunch of people doing the same thing makes me mad. And I love the quote from Hamlet where fat Polonius is giving an excess of advice to Laertes. Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. Neither a borrower nor a lender be. Blah, blah. Okay. But then in all of that is this gem of wisdom or philosophy or whatever that I can actually appreciate or agree with. This above all: To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. I guess I also like it because of the thing about the honesty because I am a big advocate of all honesty, all the time. I can't think of a time where lying would be better than telling the truth. But I know a lot of people who can.
I believe that even if human beings don't actually have free will, we're still supposed to believe that we have free will. It's human. And I believe that we have free will. So....
Honesty, truth, information. I believe in getting as much information as possible about things before I make a decision. Also, learning. It's really important to me.
Art, the need to create things and to express oneself. I think of art as this giant broad term that includes all these subcategories. But I'm passionate about it. One time I was playing the Question Game with Seth and I asked him what were three things he was passionate about, and one thing he said was "Art, in all its many forms." I don't remember what he said besides that now. But wow. That makes sense. Music. Words. Cutting paper. Doodles. Movies. Sculpture, paintings, even cave art. It's interesting, I guess. And I believe it is crucial.
Existentialism: our lives are defined by the choices we make. Life is what we make it. Live well. Live how you want to be defined. Some people in AP Euro (silly boys) don't understand this and they thought it was a depressing philosophy, but I don't think it has to be. I think it's pretty cool. And when we "defined" our lives by writing things we do every day, I was happy with how I live my life.
Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Always, I think.
Aesthetic pleasure of things. On the way back from the Knight library at night I was initially frightened by the prospect of rapists, but then I walked under a tree whose leaves were blowing down from a soft breeze. Yellow leaves, which just happened to be illuminated by a yellow lamplight, making them all the more golden and lovely. And then I looked up and saw that in the city on cloudy nights like tonight the streetlights also make the sky glow, so even though it seems dark, down on the ground, it's really very bright in the sky.
I think maybe I believe in something that's almost like hedonism. When I first heard the word, before I knew that it had any negative connotations, I thought, "Well, yeah! It makes sense!" So maybe, what I think is I don't know if I'll ever get another life, so I need to enjoy this one. But, you know, without all the immorality that's associated with that idea.
Highest goal of my life = survive only doing things I am intrinsically motivated to do. I mean, yeah, it's obviously not completely escapable. I'll probably still pay taxes. But if I can write, work in a bookstore, eat food, have love, have a family, speculate about philosophy, be intellectually stimulated, play the piano, take pictures, I'll be a happy person. I don't want to ever get into a career I hate, or even mildly don't like, even if it pays a great salary. Being rich is not going to make me happy.
Love is knowing someone really, really well. Unconditional positive regard. Not just romance, chocolate, and flowers. But smiles. Oh, that smile. I don't believe in "the love of my life" because after the love of my life and I broke up, I fell in love two more times. Right now I'm happier in my relationship than I've ever been in any other relationship. I get better at picking every time. So at the same time, I know, I have to know that one day, I'll feel even happier with someone else than I do now with him. But now... That smile. Love is camping trips and his hands over my ears under the blankets hiding me from the sound of unnaturally cheerful music early in the morning and hours in the back of a Volvo station wagon safe from the rain sleeping in unnatural positions and eating Ritz crackers and peanut butter and finally letting down my guard and learning how to play chess and learning about someone else and learning to work together.
Seeing beauty in the world despite its sadness. Yep.
I am an agnostic who believes in God. And I believe in God like Voltaire believed in God: this god who created everything, but is maybe indifferent to human affairs and prayers and the like. And I still don't know what happens when we die. How can anyone?? Have any of you ever talked to a dead person??! Nope. I guess people just have these epiphanies. Everything, every religious truth becomes clear in some big flash of truth. So if that happens to me, of course I'll believe it, I guess. But so far, the only epiphany I've had like this was "Life's too beautiful and randomly ordered to be completely random and meaningless. Think of science! That's CRAZY BEAUTIFUL! God has to exist." So there's my faith, I guess. But I still don't really know.
Is agnosticism just a way to save yourself from the angst of choosing beliefs? I don't know. We can write off everything with, I don't know! I can't know! Why debate it? I don't intend to do that, but maybe sometimes I do by accident.
OPTIMISM. Yes, but I think maybe I mean something different by that than most people. Obviously, I know that everything's not going to turn out perfectly all the time. But I think I have faith in human nature, somewhat, and I think even if things aren't exactly perfect, there's still a little bit of good in every bad situation, and at least nothing lasts forever. On this note: "For Now" from Avenue Q. I am quoting a song from a funny musical in a semi-serious post. But. Don't stress, relax, let life roll off your backs, except for death and paying taxes everything in life is only for now... Each time you smile, it'll only last a while. Life may be scary, but it's only temporary..... ba dop bad dah, ba dop ba dah.... At worst, we'll be able to cope with whatever comes our way. At best, it'll be FUCKING AWESOME. So it's not rose-colored glasses... but still sort of.
Themes from Jane Eyre, which are always recurring in my life. Need to find the perfect balance between reason and emotion. Always.
If I have to do it, I might as well get something out of it. Yes!
My virtues: Optimism, independence, philosophy, intelligence, curiosity, creativity, spontaneity, honesty, passion, drive, wonder.
Things I'm naturally good at: Sprinting, writing, perfect pitch, Spanish, climbing trees
Things I have to work hard at: Chemistry, playing the piano, focusing, drawing
Blesses or curses, depends how you take it: Stubbornness, being easily amused, being easily pleased, obsession, hedonism, ADD
My vices: self-absorption, not seeing my own problems in the big picture (although I am a pro at seeing other people's problems in the big picture.....), wanting to work but also being lazy, projecting, immaturity, compassion/empathy for others without knowing how to help them, restlessness, selfishness (but I'm getting much better), procrastination.
GO!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think if you can stand to come out of the dark, we should get together and philosophize.
Or, you could stay in the dark, and I'll come to you and bring a shiny flashlight of optimism, and existentialism, and aesthetic pleasure, and I think therefore I am and To thine own self be true and The ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind and still function. But it is only metaphorically shiny. The other day, ahahaha, actually this story was started because of you. So I noted the change of your religious views to Truthism, and decided to google that to see if anyone else had that as a religion. truthism.com is about how our whole society and existence is controlled by aliens called Reptilians. Which seems sketch. But it sort of called my beliefs into question because the dude who wrote it was like... You can't prove your own beliefs... blah blah. Looking back it was sort of a stupid argument because there's really no way to prove what he was saying was Truth either. But it was late at night, and I didn't feel like going to bed doubting everything. SO I decided to write down my beliefs and also looked back at other times when I did the same things and noted changes and statics in my beliefs and basically I feel happy about what I believe. Anyway.
Descartes /// I think, therefore I am. I mean, in some sense, I must exist, because I'm experiencing. This doesn't necessarily mean that all experience is true. When it comes right down to it, I think that what Descartes proved is theonly thing that anyone can ever really prove, ever.
Fitzgerald /// The ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind and still function... yeah, not only is it, as Fitzgerald said, the highest form of human intelligence, but it's crucial for understanding my belief system. Because while I can entertain the distinct possibilty that everything I know is wrong (there's a verse missing out of this song...) most of my other important beliefs function within my own paradigm of what I experience, and on some level, I have to believe that what my senses tell me and what my brain perceives from that information is true, is truth.
Shakespeare /// This above all else: To thine own self be true. I have kind of been having a lot of Shakespeare quotes running through my head lately... for some reason. But I'm not a big believer in conformity. Those "get out the vote" statuses that everyone had on facebook sort of pissed me off, and now that Obama's won, it's sort of pissing me off that everyone's status looks the same and says the same thing. OMGOMG OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA RAMA. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I FEEL PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. I'm glad he won, but... I dunno. A bunch of people doing the same thing makes me mad. And I love the quote from Hamlet where fat Polonius is giving an excess of advice to Laertes. Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. Neither a borrower nor a lender be. Blah, blah. Okay. But then in all of that is this gem of wisdom or philosophy or whatever that I can actually appreciate or agree with. This above all: To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. I guess I also like it because of the thing about the honesty because I am a big advocate of all honesty, all the time. I can't think of a time where lying would be better than telling the truth. But I know a lot of people who can.
I believe that even if human beings don't actually have free will, we're still supposed to believe that we have free will. It's human. And I believe that we have free will. So....
Honesty, truth, information. I believe in getting as much information as possible about things before I make a decision. Also, learning. It's really important to me.
Art, the need to create things and to express oneself. I think of art as this giant broad term that includes all these subcategories. But I'm passionate about it. One time I was playing the Question Game with Seth and I asked him what were three things he was passionate about, and one thing he said was "Art, in all its many forms." I don't remember what he said besides that now. But wow. That makes sense. Music. Words. Cutting paper. Doodles. Movies. Sculpture, paintings, even cave art. It's interesting, I guess. And I believe it is crucial.
Existentialism: our lives are defined by the choices we make. Life is what we make it. Live well. Live how you want to be defined. Some people in AP Euro (silly boys) don't understand this and they thought it was a depressing philosophy, but I don't think it has to be. I think it's pretty cool. And when we "defined" our lives by writing things we do every day, I was happy with how I live my life.
Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Always, I think.
Aesthetic pleasure of things. On the way back from the Knight library at night I was initially frightened by the prospect of rapists, but then I walked under a tree whose leaves were blowing down from a soft breeze. Yellow leaves, which just happened to be illuminated by a yellow lamplight, making them all the more golden and lovely. And then I looked up and saw that in the city on cloudy nights like tonight the streetlights also make the sky glow, so even though it seems dark, down on the ground, it's really very bright in the sky.
I think maybe I believe in something that's almost like hedonism. When I first heard the word, before I knew that it had any negative connotations, I thought, "Well, yeah! It makes sense!" So maybe, what I think is I don't know if I'll ever get another life, so I need to enjoy this one. But, you know, without all the immorality that's associated with that idea.
Highest goal of my life = survive only doing things I am intrinsically motivated to do. I mean, yeah, it's obviously not completely escapable. I'll probably still pay taxes. But if I can write, work in a bookstore, eat food, have love, have a family, speculate about philosophy, be intellectually stimulated, play the piano, take pictures, I'll be a happy person. I don't want to ever get into a career I hate, or even mildly don't like, even if it pays a great salary. Being rich is not going to make me happy.
Love is knowing someone really, really well. Unconditional positive regard. Not just romance, chocolate, and flowers. But smiles. Oh, that smile. I don't believe in "the love of my life" because after the love of my life and I broke up, I fell in love two more times. Right now I'm happier in my relationship than I've ever been in any other relationship. I get better at picking every time. So at the same time, I know, I have to know that one day, I'll feel even happier with someone else than I do now with him. But now... That smile. Love is camping trips and his hands over my ears under the blankets hiding me from the sound of unnaturally cheerful music early in the morning and hours in the back of a Volvo station wagon safe from the rain sleeping in unnatural positions and eating Ritz crackers and peanut butter and finally letting down my guard and learning how to play chess and learning about someone else and learning to work together.
Seeing beauty in the world despite its sadness. Yep.
I am an agnostic who believes in God. And I believe in God like Voltaire believed in God: this god who created everything, but is maybe indifferent to human affairs and prayers and the like. And I still don't know what happens when we die. How can anyone?? Have any of you ever talked to a dead person??! Nope. I guess people just have these epiphanies. Everything, every religious truth becomes clear in some big flash of truth. So if that happens to me, of course I'll believe it, I guess. But so far, the only epiphany I've had like this was "Life's too beautiful and randomly ordered to be completely random and meaningless. Think of science! That's CRAZY BEAUTIFUL! God has to exist." So there's my faith, I guess. But I still don't really know.
Is agnosticism just a way to save yourself from the angst of choosing beliefs? I don't know. We can write off everything with, I don't know! I can't know! Why debate it? I don't intend to do that, but maybe sometimes I do by accident.
OPTIMISM. Yes, but I think maybe I mean something different by that than most people. Obviously, I know that everything's not going to turn out perfectly all the time. But I think I have faith in human nature, somewhat, and I think even if things aren't exactly perfect, there's still a little bit of good in every bad situation, and at least nothing lasts forever. On this note: "For Now" from Avenue Q. I am quoting a song from a funny musical in a semi-serious post. But. Don't stress, relax, let life roll off your backs, except for death and paying taxes everything in life is only for now... Each time you smile, it'll only last a while. Life may be scary, but it's only temporary..... ba dop bad dah, ba dop ba dah.... At worst, we'll be able to cope with whatever comes our way. At best, it'll be FUCKING AWESOME. So it's not rose-colored glasses... but still sort of.
Themes from Jane Eyre, which are always recurring in my life. Need to find the perfect balance between reason and emotion. Always.
If I have to do it, I might as well get something out of it. Yes!
My virtues: Optimism, independence, philosophy, intelligence, curiosity, creativity, spontaneity, honesty, passion, drive, wonder.
Things I'm naturally good at: Sprinting, writing, perfect pitch, Spanish, climbing trees
Things I have to work hard at: Chemistry, playing the piano, focusing, drawing
Blesses or curses, depends how you take it: Stubbornness, being easily amused, being easily pleased, obsession, hedonism, ADD
My vices: self-absorption, not seeing my own problems in the big picture (although I am a pro at seeing other people's problems in the big picture.....), wanting to work but also being lazy, projecting, immaturity, compassion/empathy for others without knowing how to help them, restlessness, selfishness (but I'm getting much better), procrastination.