the only thing i believe in is us
Title: What They'll Never Say
Pairing: G-Ri
Author: oxygenlove
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Seunghyun isn't the maknae Jiyong wants him to be.
AN: For tees2mai and parodying , beta'd by so_much_kimchi ♥
What They'll Never Say
Pause. Rewind.
Jiyong meets Seunghyun in YG’s hot and cramped practice room - new shirt, baggy pants and carefully styled hair. Seunghyun isn't the “kid” that Jiyong wants him to be. Too much confidence, too much ambition, too little talent but so damn raw, so much potential to grow that Jiyong is almost scared - because he feels like he is staring at a mirrored image of himself.
Seunghyun mingles and talks about many things. He fleets from this to that - too much all over the place - and Jiyong hates him, maybe, for not being sweet and adorable like- “Ah~ hyung~ Jiyongieee~ hyuuung~.” Jiyong wants to step closer. He wants to, but there is always something between them, always a barrier, like-
“Ah~ G-Dragonsshi, you’re so great!”
--
Jiyong scolds the kid. He always gets angry - always at Seunghyun, always at the kid from Gwangju who talks so much but says so little.
“You’re doing it all wrong.”
“Sorry, G-Dragonsshi, I’ll start again. I’ll get it right this time,” a small smile, a little apology from determined eyes. "Just watch!"
And then a bitter-sad smile from Jiyong - “Hey, I’m not just G-Dragon - I'm your Jiyong hyung too.”
--
Jiyong watches, almost obsesses, out of the corner of his eyes. He watches the kid's progress, he watches him fall down but then he always stands back up - or he crawls. Seunghyun crawls when he is already too tired to pretend that he is okay. Seunghyun crawls on the muddy dance floor because he knows that there is no other way but forward.
"Do you want me to help you with that part? I have some free time after this and-"
"Ah, GD hyung! No need to waste your free time on me. I'm sure I can manage. I'll practice it myself!"
Jiyong watches all of these and feels somehow small, somehow inadequate, like- “Seunghyunah~ hyung is here. I can help you up.”
--
Maybe it's the distance that Seunghyun has put up - or just the kid himself, and while Jiyong doesn't want to know, he cares, looking out for him from afar. He always fights for Seunghyun. Silently, he does.
“Hyunseung, that’s not fair to Seunghyun.”
But the cameras don't catch those moments. They don't film Jiyong’s heart - because hey, it's not like they are shooting a drama of Kwon Jiyong’s sad little life.
--
When YG announces that Hyunseung and Little Seunghyun are out-
Jiyong cries for Hyunseung. Of course, he does. Jiyong cries for the dongsaeng who has grown close to him.
But Jiyong only smiles at Little Seunghyun. Jiyong doesn't cry for the kid from Gwangju who talks so much but says so little - who dances and dances until his whole body aches and he has no more of himself left. No, Jiyong doesn't cry for him.
Because-
“You coming, Jiyong?”
“He’ll be back, Youngbae.”
“They’ll shoot it. Don’t you want to at least show-”
“No, Youngbae. He’ll be back.”
Because - you see.
It was never that Jiyong didn't care. It is more like - Jiyong believes too much in Lee Seunghyun that he appears to not care.
Pause. Fast forward.
Big Bang is high up in the skies, on a one hour and thirty minutes flight from Tokyo going back to Seoul. Years have passed, and much things have changed - maybe.
“Ah! Hyung! Stop trying to kill me in my sleep!”
“Shut up. It’s cold.”
“The heater is on. The whole plane is warm. I’m warm. I don’t ge-”
“Exactly, Seungri. You’re warm. I’m cold. Doing this is only logical.”
“Whatever.”
“Hey, Seungri, want to know a secret?"
"No."
"I believe in you. I always have. I think-”
"I said no-"
“- you can't replace what was never there. "
“Hyung, I thought we agreed never to talk about this?”
"You could never have been just a replacement, Seungriyah. There was nobody to replace.”
“In Big Bang.”
“What?”
“In Big Bang. There was nobody to replace in Big Bang. But to you, hyung? What about to you?”
Jiyong is silent and Seungri wants to press rewind and glue his mouth shut.
“Whatever, hyung. I’m sleeping.”
“No, wait!” Jiyong grabs Seungri’s arm suddenly, not wanting to let the moment pass. “No. Hyungseung was a dongsaeng - is a dongsaeng, a very dear dongsaeng.”
“And I’m not?”
“You’re- you’re something else.”
“Something else?” A small laugh, “Something else - what?”
“I - I don’t know.”
“Good.” Seungri smiles. “Good. I hope it stays that way, hyung. I hope you never know.” -because it's easier to not know and pretend than to admit that everything is just scripted and make-believe.
Then Jiyong throws the question back, just to see if four years of hard work has paid off.
“What about you? What am I to you?”
Seungri smiles wider, a sweet smile that reflects a million starry lies on the vast night sky and -
“You’re my leader. You’re Big Bang’s leader.”
One. Two. Three seconds before Jiyong's face suddenly breaks into a grin. "Aigoo~ this is stupid!" He hits Seungri's arm lightly. "Ya! Your leader is freezing here and you're just talking. Do something!"
"Hug yourself," Seungri's a celebrity after all and they taught these things in Entertainment Academy: How To Act Like Nothing Is Wrong 101. He never missed a class. "Since you love yourself so much, why don't you just hug yourself, huh?"
"No, you hug me," Come to think of it, Jiyong hasn't missed a single class either.
"I am not hugging you, hyung. Stop being 12 and sit still. This is why I never want you in my room."
"Because I might knock over your collection of-"
"Lego, hyung. Those blocks you call 'dumb' are called Lego. L-e-g-o."
"I can spell."
"I bet."
"Hug me."
"No."
.
.
.
.
Rustle rustle arms being pulled around waist and rustle rustle struggle -
"Ah!!!! Hyung~ Jiyongie hyung!!!!"
Jiyong smirks. It isn't exactly how he imagined Seunghyu- Seungri to say the phrase 4 years ago but it will do.
"Sometimes I wonder why I thought you were so great."
"Because I am."
Seungri mumbles something that strangely sounds like too full of himself and they say i'm too confident. Jiyong just smiles.
One. Two. Three seconds before Seungri finally relaxes his arms around Jiyong.
"But really, Jiyong hyung. You're Big Bang's leader, my leader. Never change."
"I won't. I swear I won't change."
Pause. Select a different track.
Jiyong meets Seungri in YG’s well ventilated and spacious practice room - overused shirt, tight skinny jeans and tousled hair. Seungri isn't the “dongsaeng” that Jiyong wants him to be. Too young, too insecure, too hungry for approval and prove himself worthy of that unsure fifth place that Jiyong is almost scared - because he doesn't know what to do. He's never met someone like Seungri before. Jiyong feels like he is treading on unexplored grounds with no manual in his hand. He has no idea how to operate a 15 year old boy from Gwangju who talks so much but says so little.
But he'll learn. One day he'll learn. He swears he will.
AN: This is what fanfictions are for.
To:
tees2mai , I know it's been bothering you. It's always been bothering me too. I know this isn't an answer, but hey, maybe one day we'll know.
parodying , you! You wrote the best Jiyong-Seungri-Hyunseung fic for me :) I still always feel that heartache when I read it (which is often cause I saved it in my email, ssshhh)
so_much_kimchi , I swear, you're amazing. Your amazingness basically owns half of this fic.
parkchoongjae , ate meg ♥
AN2: The editing for this fic took more than 20 days because something didn't feel right but I just am already tired. This fic is one stubborn baby of mine. As always, any form of comments, a word, a sentence, an essay- all is welcome :)
Pairing: G-Ri
Author: oxygenlove
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Seunghyun isn't the maknae Jiyong wants him to be.
AN: For tees2mai and parodying , beta'd by so_much_kimchi ♥
What They'll Never Say
Pause. Rewind.
Jiyong meets Seunghyun in YG’s hot and cramped practice room - new shirt, baggy pants and carefully styled hair. Seunghyun isn't the “kid” that Jiyong wants him to be. Too much confidence, too much ambition, too little talent but so damn raw, so much potential to grow that Jiyong is almost scared - because he feels like he is staring at a mirrored image of himself.
Seunghyun mingles and talks about many things. He fleets from this to that - too much all over the place - and Jiyong hates him, maybe, for not being sweet and adorable like- “Ah~ hyung~ Jiyongieee~ hyuuung~.” Jiyong wants to step closer. He wants to, but there is always something between them, always a barrier, like-
“Ah~ G-Dragonsshi, you’re so great!”
--
Jiyong scolds the kid. He always gets angry - always at Seunghyun, always at the kid from Gwangju who talks so much but says so little.
“You’re doing it all wrong.”
“Sorry, G-Dragonsshi, I’ll start again. I’ll get it right this time,” a small smile, a little apology from determined eyes. "Just watch!"
And then a bitter-sad smile from Jiyong - “Hey, I’m not just G-Dragon - I'm your Jiyong hyung too.”
--
Jiyong watches, almost obsesses, out of the corner of his eyes. He watches the kid's progress, he watches him fall down but then he always stands back up - or he crawls. Seunghyun crawls when he is already too tired to pretend that he is okay. Seunghyun crawls on the muddy dance floor because he knows that there is no other way but forward.
"Do you want me to help you with that part? I have some free time after this and-"
"Ah, GD hyung! No need to waste your free time on me. I'm sure I can manage. I'll practice it myself!"
Jiyong watches all of these and feels somehow small, somehow inadequate, like- “Seunghyunah~ hyung is here. I can help you up.”
--
Maybe it's the distance that Seunghyun has put up - or just the kid himself, and while Jiyong doesn't want to know, he cares, looking out for him from afar. He always fights for Seunghyun. Silently, he does.
“Hyunseung, that’s not fair to Seunghyun.”
But the cameras don't catch those moments. They don't film Jiyong’s heart - because hey, it's not like they are shooting a drama of Kwon Jiyong’s sad little life.
--
When YG announces that Hyunseung and Little Seunghyun are out-
Jiyong cries for Hyunseung. Of course, he does. Jiyong cries for the dongsaeng who has grown close to him.
But Jiyong only smiles at Little Seunghyun. Jiyong doesn't cry for the kid from Gwangju who talks so much but says so little - who dances and dances until his whole body aches and he has no more of himself left. No, Jiyong doesn't cry for him.
Because-
“You coming, Jiyong?”
“He’ll be back, Youngbae.”
“They’ll shoot it. Don’t you want to at least show-”
“No, Youngbae. He’ll be back.”
Because - you see.
It was never that Jiyong didn't care. It is more like - Jiyong believes too much in Lee Seunghyun that he appears to not care.
Pause. Fast forward.
Big Bang is high up in the skies, on a one hour and thirty minutes flight from Tokyo going back to Seoul. Years have passed, and much things have changed - maybe.
“Ah! Hyung! Stop trying to kill me in my sleep!”
“Shut up. It’s cold.”
“The heater is on. The whole plane is warm. I’m warm. I don’t ge-”
“Exactly, Seungri. You’re warm. I’m cold. Doing this is only logical.”
“Whatever.”
“Hey, Seungri, want to know a secret?"
"No."
"I believe in you. I always have. I think-”
"I said no-"
“- you can't replace what was never there. "
“Hyung, I thought we agreed never to talk about this?”
"You could never have been just a replacement, Seungriyah. There was nobody to replace.”
“In Big Bang.”
“What?”
“In Big Bang. There was nobody to replace in Big Bang. But to you, hyung? What about to you?”
Jiyong is silent and Seungri wants to press rewind and glue his mouth shut.
“Whatever, hyung. I’m sleeping.”
“No, wait!” Jiyong grabs Seungri’s arm suddenly, not wanting to let the moment pass. “No. Hyungseung was a dongsaeng - is a dongsaeng, a very dear dongsaeng.”
“And I’m not?”
“You’re- you’re something else.”
“Something else?” A small laugh, “Something else - what?”
“I - I don’t know.”
“Good.” Seungri smiles. “Good. I hope it stays that way, hyung. I hope you never know.” -because it's easier to not know and pretend than to admit that everything is just scripted and make-believe.
Then Jiyong throws the question back, just to see if four years of hard work has paid off.
“What about you? What am I to you?”
Seungri smiles wider, a sweet smile that reflects a million starry lies on the vast night sky and -
“You’re my leader. You’re Big Bang’s leader.”
One. Two. Three seconds before Jiyong's face suddenly breaks into a grin. "Aigoo~ this is stupid!" He hits Seungri's arm lightly. "Ya! Your leader is freezing here and you're just talking. Do something!"
"Hug yourself," Seungri's a celebrity after all and they taught these things in Entertainment Academy: How To Act Like Nothing Is Wrong 101. He never missed a class. "Since you love yourself so much, why don't you just hug yourself, huh?"
"No, you hug me," Come to think of it, Jiyong hasn't missed a single class either.
"I am not hugging you, hyung. Stop being 12 and sit still. This is why I never want you in my room."
"Because I might knock over your collection of-"
"Lego, hyung. Those blocks you call 'dumb' are called Lego. L-e-g-o."
"I can spell."
"I bet."
"Hug me."
"No."
.
.
.
.
Rustle rustle arms being pulled around waist and rustle rustle struggle -
"Ah!!!! Hyung~ Jiyongie hyung!!!!"
Jiyong smirks. It isn't exactly how he imagined Seunghyu- Seungri to say the phrase 4 years ago but it will do.
"Sometimes I wonder why I thought you were so great."
"Because I am."
Seungri mumbles something that strangely sounds like too full of himself and they say i'm too confident. Jiyong just smiles.
One. Two. Three seconds before Seungri finally relaxes his arms around Jiyong.
"But really, Jiyong hyung. You're Big Bang's leader, my leader. Never change."
"I won't. I swear I won't change."
Pause. Select a different track.
Jiyong meets Seungri in YG’s well ventilated and spacious practice room - overused shirt, tight skinny jeans and tousled hair. Seungri isn't the “dongsaeng” that Jiyong wants him to be. Too young, too insecure, too hungry for approval and prove himself worthy of that unsure fifth place that Jiyong is almost scared - because he doesn't know what to do. He's never met someone like Seungri before. Jiyong feels like he is treading on unexplored grounds with no manual in his hand. He has no idea how to operate a 15 year old boy from Gwangju who talks so much but says so little.
But he'll learn. One day he'll learn. He swears he will.
AN: This is what fanfictions are for.
To:
tees2mai , I know it's been bothering you. It's always been bothering me too. I know this isn't an answer, but hey, maybe one day we'll know.
parodying , you! You wrote the best Jiyong-Seungri-Hyunseung fic for me :) I still always feel that heartache when I read it (which is often cause I saved it in my email, ssshhh)
so_much_kimchi , I swear, you're amazing. Your amazingness basically owns half of this fic.
parkchoongjae , ate meg ♥
AN2: The editing for this fic took more than 20 days because something didn't feel right but I just am already tired. This fic is one stubborn baby of mine. As always, any form of comments, a word, a sentence, an essay- all is welcome :)