The Wr!ter: Just Leave It Be
!! Dear Whomever Gives A Damn !!
I know that it's my own fault that people won't leave me alone, but I wish people knew when to just stop asking questions. Yes, I told people about what was going on, and yes, I didn't tell them the entire story - so now they are riding my ass like I'm some kind of pack mule and it's driving me crazy. Can they not just keep their noses out of it, until I'm ready to talk? If they were any kind of friend, they'd understand what "I don't want to talk about it" means.
I really am kicking myself for telling anybody about it all now. I don't want to be constantly talking about my life - but everyone, even if I do tell them the whole story - they just continue to bother me about it. Look, I'm not dwelling on it - so why the hell should you be? It's my bloody life. Man, you know you live in too small of a town when...
Are the lives around here not exciting enough, that they have to pretty much attach to any interesting life story out there in town? I mean, lives seem interesting enough without me telling my bloody story every five minutes.
I shouldn't have said anything to anybody. I figured these people were my friend, so maybe I could just vent to them or whatever - but turns out I can't vent to anybody. My old co-worker is constantly bothering me about it, and then she drove by Kris, Isabella and me coming back from the Variety earlier and I could see her looking in the rear view mirror. The roads are bad, watch the damn roads, not us. Or my godmother, she keeps telling me to take this opportunity to leave and find someone who will love me for me. Kris did love me, and I believe that he will love me for me. He's never loved me for anything other than what I was - not what he can make me.
I'm going to say it again - without risk, comes no chance, and without chance, comes no opportunity. If I don't risk my heart, I won't get the chance to know what could have been and without the chance, I won't have the opportunity to experience what could be. I'm willing to risk my heart for the chance to see what will happen, just to have the opportunity to be with him. Why can people not understand that?
I've had others tell me that he doesn't deserve me, because I do so much for him, and treat him like gold and then he turns around and pulls that. Yes, okay, I do lots for him - but I do it because I love him - not because I'm obligated to do it. Yes, I try my best to give him the best of all I have to offer him - but I do it because I love him, not because he's beating the pulp out of me and if I don't give him my best he'll beat me. He's yet to lay a hand on me - well - elbowing me or rolling on me in the middle of the night doesn't count because he's sleeping...
It's my life, why can't people just accept it and move on? I've accepted everything that has happened in my life. I accept that my Mom is a monster, and that the only way to prevent further harm done to me and my family is to remove her from my life completely. Yes, I accept that my Dad is a jerk, always has been, always will be - and I only refer to him as a sperm donor because he's never really been a father to me. I accept that Kris doesn't love me, but I do accept, and I do believe that he will love me again one day more than ever. I accept that Karissa and Kris have a past, and if history is to repeat itself, then so be it. Why can't anybody else just leave it all the hell alone?
ox (! Tw!nkers !) xo
♥ ♥ ♥
I know that it's my own fault that people won't leave me alone, but I wish people knew when to just stop asking questions. Yes, I told people about what was going on, and yes, I didn't tell them the entire story - so now they are riding my ass like I'm some kind of pack mule and it's driving me crazy. Can they not just keep their noses out of it, until I'm ready to talk? If they were any kind of friend, they'd understand what "I don't want to talk about it" means.
I really am kicking myself for telling anybody about it all now. I don't want to be constantly talking about my life - but everyone, even if I do tell them the whole story - they just continue to bother me about it. Look, I'm not dwelling on it - so why the hell should you be? It's my bloody life. Man, you know you live in too small of a town when...
Are the lives around here not exciting enough, that they have to pretty much attach to any interesting life story out there in town? I mean, lives seem interesting enough without me telling my bloody story every five minutes.
I shouldn't have said anything to anybody. I figured these people were my friend, so maybe I could just vent to them or whatever - but turns out I can't vent to anybody. My old co-worker is constantly bothering me about it, and then she drove by Kris, Isabella and me coming back from the Variety earlier and I could see her looking in the rear view mirror. The roads are bad, watch the damn roads, not us. Or my godmother, she keeps telling me to take this opportunity to leave and find someone who will love me for me. Kris did love me, and I believe that he will love me for me. He's never loved me for anything other than what I was - not what he can make me.
I'm going to say it again - without risk, comes no chance, and without chance, comes no opportunity. If I don't risk my heart, I won't get the chance to know what could have been and without the chance, I won't have the opportunity to experience what could be. I'm willing to risk my heart for the chance to see what will happen, just to have the opportunity to be with him. Why can people not understand that?
I've had others tell me that he doesn't deserve me, because I do so much for him, and treat him like gold and then he turns around and pulls that. Yes, okay, I do lots for him - but I do it because I love him - not because I'm obligated to do it. Yes, I try my best to give him the best of all I have to offer him - but I do it because I love him, not because he's beating the pulp out of me and if I don't give him my best he'll beat me. He's yet to lay a hand on me - well - elbowing me or rolling on me in the middle of the night doesn't count because he's sleeping...
It's my life, why can't people just accept it and move on? I've accepted everything that has happened in my life. I accept that my Mom is a monster, and that the only way to prevent further harm done to me and my family is to remove her from my life completely. Yes, I accept that my Dad is a jerk, always has been, always will be - and I only refer to him as a sperm donor because he's never really been a father to me. I accept that Kris doesn't love me, but I do accept, and I do believe that he will love me again one day more than ever. I accept that Karissa and Kris have a past, and if history is to repeat itself, then so be it. Why can't anybody else just leave it all the hell alone?
ox (! Tw!nkers !) xo
♥ ♥ ♥