My Daddy
Well as most of you already knew, my dad suffered from alot of mental illnesses for a number of years. I'm feeling pretty open about it right now, so don't read this unless you want to know some not-so-great stuff.
Several years ago, Dad tried to kill himself in front of my siblings and me. He realized he didn't want to die then and sought help. As the years went by he began cutting himself, smoking more, eating worse foods, and basically took on the challenge of killing himself slowly. Eventually he had 4 heart attacks, 2 stents put into his heart, and was hospitalized at least 3 times for his depression.
After the divorce and trying to live on his own, he found himself bouncing different friend and family homes. The he ended up living in the homeless shelter for about 3 years and made alot of friends there. Dad seemed to enjoy his life there despite it not being a glamorous one. He had a small job, organized church events, and even had a larger living area with pictures of his friends and family posted on the walls.
I'm not sure what happened, but he called Tuesday evening. He sounded ok but slightly off. I wish I would have pushed him to talk more, but I don't think it would have helped the inevitable. About 12 hours later, Dad attempted to commit suicide by taking around 7 bottles of pills. When he did that, he also had a massive heart attack. Both of those lead to no blood pressure of over an hour and massive swelling on his brain. He "died" 6 times between the shelter and getting to ICU while on life support.
Wednesday he was in ICU and getting a bit better. Thursday his fever spiked to 106. Friday the family learned his heart was so damaged that he might not live through another heart attack. We all decided to put in a Do Not Resuscitate order. Saturday all the tests came back and nothing looked good. If... IF Dad was to pull out of this he would only function, at best, at the level of a 5 year old. That's not what he wanted so we all decided to pull out all of the life support.
At 6pm the nurses turned the Morphine up to 15, and started to turn things off. At 12:46am, Dad's body finally gave up. I held his had for most of the time. I watched as he gasped for air. I felt his heart beat weaken. I cried as my Daddy left me.
Though Dad wasn't my "real" dad, he was the only Dad I really knew. He's been in my life since I was 5 years old. We acted so similar to the point we would fight to no end. We even looked alike. Unless I told you, you would never know we had no blood relationship.
As the time passes I find myself looking back at things I'd forgotten. How he taught me to ride a bike, how to use power tools, how to shoot a gun, how to drive, and even how to be so stubborn! Dad wasn't the best dad in the world, but he was MY DADDY and I loved him.
Thank you to everyone who has called, emailed, used Facebook, MySpace, texted... Thank you to everyone for everything. As most of you know, services are pending. I only know they will be in Kokomo and they won't be Wednesday 11/19 or before as that day is Dad's and my cousin Gary's birthday.
Love to all...
Several years ago, Dad tried to kill himself in front of my siblings and me. He realized he didn't want to die then and sought help. As the years went by he began cutting himself, smoking more, eating worse foods, and basically took on the challenge of killing himself slowly. Eventually he had 4 heart attacks, 2 stents put into his heart, and was hospitalized at least 3 times for his depression.
After the divorce and trying to live on his own, he found himself bouncing different friend and family homes. The he ended up living in the homeless shelter for about 3 years and made alot of friends there. Dad seemed to enjoy his life there despite it not being a glamorous one. He had a small job, organized church events, and even had a larger living area with pictures of his friends and family posted on the walls.
I'm not sure what happened, but he called Tuesday evening. He sounded ok but slightly off. I wish I would have pushed him to talk more, but I don't think it would have helped the inevitable. About 12 hours later, Dad attempted to commit suicide by taking around 7 bottles of pills. When he did that, he also had a massive heart attack. Both of those lead to no blood pressure of over an hour and massive swelling on his brain. He "died" 6 times between the shelter and getting to ICU while on life support.
Wednesday he was in ICU and getting a bit better. Thursday his fever spiked to 106. Friday the family learned his heart was so damaged that he might not live through another heart attack. We all decided to put in a Do Not Resuscitate order. Saturday all the tests came back and nothing looked good. If... IF Dad was to pull out of this he would only function, at best, at the level of a 5 year old. That's not what he wanted so we all decided to pull out all of the life support.
At 6pm the nurses turned the Morphine up to 15, and started to turn things off. At 12:46am, Dad's body finally gave up. I held his had for most of the time. I watched as he gasped for air. I felt his heart beat weaken. I cried as my Daddy left me.
Though Dad wasn't my "real" dad, he was the only Dad I really knew. He's been in my life since I was 5 years old. We acted so similar to the point we would fight to no end. We even looked alike. Unless I told you, you would never know we had no blood relationship.
As the time passes I find myself looking back at things I'd forgotten. How he taught me to ride a bike, how to use power tools, how to shoot a gun, how to drive, and even how to be so stubborn! Dad wasn't the best dad in the world, but he was MY DADDY and I loved him.
Thank you to everyone who has called, emailed, used Facebook, MySpace, texted... Thank you to everyone for everything. As most of you know, services are pending. I only know they will be in Kokomo and they won't be Wednesday 11/19 or before as that day is Dad's and my cousin Gary's birthday.
Love to all...