so hello good friend...
mixed emotions fill my head. and its been forever since i have written one of these but there are times in life where venting and reflection are all we have to get us through. i sit here wondering how i have been living my life. am i always in preparation for the future, fearful of actually doing and saying what i wnat to because i may lose the people close to me? can this last forever? or am i in too deep...confused and unaware of what the future actually holds? i cant be certain of eternity, because the future is unpredictable, yet i want to know. i find myself questioning what i will do next year. where will i be and who will i be and will i be happier. its a little less than 2 years and then its all over. this high school experience most wish they could relive is nearing its end. are we really living or just preparing ourselves. is life ever going to be enough? is just living ever going to be satisfying? we find ourselves talking about the future, making money, and having security. this is a time in our lives when nothing is certain...what is here today could easily be gone tommorow. i find myself craving that security...when i am using craving unpredictable situations. i also begin question who i am. part of me wishes i could live in the country, listen to country music, and have the simple yet satisfying life that so many of us crave. yet another part of me wants this city life, good educationy with good money...what most would consider a good life. but how do we judge life? how do we judge what makes one person happy and if it will make the next person happy in the same situation? i dont know what i want. but then i guess no one does. i wish i was easier sastified.