17: Roof Party
Title: Roof Party
Author: Sharmie
Rating: PG, I think. Maybe PG-13. Russell is in it.
Summary: They have a party on the roof.
Safety comes first, kids, but not for the people in this townhouse. Do as they say, not as they do. Or as they say, really, cause they’d tell you to do silly things like weave your dreams into pants or teach kittens to play mozart. Everyone knows kittens are better at Bach.
Anyway, on this fine evening Noel had decided it would be really cool to hang out on the roof. He’d packed a picnic basket of snacks and Bailey’s (and ice, because who drinks Bailey’s without ice?) and had called only his closest friends to enjoy the crisp evening air. Oh, and also his roommates.
Carrying his lime green wicker picnic basket, Noel led Leah, Paisley, Sharmie, Julian, Russell, and Simon Amstell up to the living room.
“I’m still not really sure this is a good idea,” said Sharmie.
“Of course it is!” replied Noel, watching Julian dutifully remove the screen from the large window.
“It seems like a lot of fun,” said Leah, grinning at Noel. He grinned back, glad that she was backing him.
“Fun if we don’t freeze to death on the roof,” said Paisley.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Simon, running a hand through his adorably fluffy hair. “We would fall to our deaths first, and what a riot that will be.” Russell stopped him from more sarcasm by hugging him and giving the top of his head a little kiss. It would have been sweet if Russell wasn’t grinning like a rapist. Good thing Russell was still mostly into girls. Mostly.
“It’ll be fine if we take the necessary precautions,” said Julian. “We just have to make sure there’s someone on the other end to help. However, that person must be the best climber, the most balanced, and the strongest in order to help everyone else up safely.”
“Technically, that’s me,” said Noel proudly.
“Oh please,” said Sharmie.
“Actually,” said Julian haughtily, “I was thinking more along the lines of myself.”
“We’re going to fall to our deaths,” said Simon.
Julian ignored his comment and instead began to climb out the window. They all watched him as he stepped onto the small roof just outside the window, balanced himself on the sloped surface, and then hauled himself up onto the roof.
“Is this even allowed?” asked Paisley.
“Probably not,” replied Noel, climbing through the window. They watched as Julian pulled Noel out of sight.
“Wouldn’t it be funny if we just left and left the two of them up there?” asked Sharmie, giggling a little. She was giggly.
“No,” replied Paisley, watching Russell begin to climb through the window. “I’d want to be there to watch.” There was an awkward silence then, because this was not in her mind.
“Ammy-Amstell, come along, get your bottom onto the roof,” sang Russell through the window, before climbing upwards. Simon followed reluctantly, but looked back at the three girls with a look that clearly said “If I get raped he’s coming after you next.”
“I guess we should go,” said Paisley.
“I’m all up ons,” said Leah, climbing through.
Sharmie and Paisley looked at each other. They both were not really excited to climb up there, but everyone else was there and they would be bored all alone.
Paisley climbed through first.
“I’m going to fall to my death,” said Sharmie, to no one in particular.
She climbed out onto the roof. She looked down, and it was thirty feet to the ground. Instead of screaming and trying to dive back in the window and then probably falling off, she looked up. Julian reached his hand down to her, and somehow, with her feet pushing at the bricks, pulled her up.
“We’re all here!” said Noel happily, sitting on a large picnic blanket. The roof wasn’t very large, but it was enough space to spread out the blanket so there was enough room for seven people to sit, a little close, with some room around it to walk.
“It’s beautiful out here, isn’t it?” said Russell, slipping an arm around Leah. Leah tried to shrug him off, but was too polite to push him away fully, and so was doomed to suffer his advances until they got too scary to suffer any longer. Simon looked a little freed, and could instead talk to everyone.
Noel quickly opened the bottle of Bailey’s and was doling it out to them. Julian took a sip.
“Mmm, delicious,” he said, quickly putting it down.
“Keep drinking,” said Paisley suggestively. She was suggestive, but only in her mind.
“The, uh, the moon is quite nice, uh, tonight,” said Julian, looking upwards. No one paid him any mind.
“The moon is quite nice nice tonight,” said Noel, sipping elegantly from his glass. Everyone gazed upwards at the pretty full moon.
“I said that first, narrator,” grumbled Julian.
“Shut up,” replied the narrator.
Just then, the sky decided it was time to do something cool. It had been sitting around being a nightly purple for too long, and now it was time to make stars fly! And so it did. Paper stars fell out of the night sky and started hitting rooftops. And the rooftop. Where people were sitting.
“Paper stars!” cried Noel with joy.
“Quite the enchanting atmosphere, is it not?” said Russell, offering Leah a small star. Leah took it with a smile, but the smile was plastered to her face by fear. And terror. Fear and terror.
One fell in Paisley’s drink, but she didn’t notice. She kept drinking it, because it was yummy. And creamy. Mmm, creamy... Uh, right, yeah, she kept drinking it until she drank the star.
“Why are you glowing?” asked Simon suddenly.
“I’m not...?” said Paisley. But she was, and she didn't know it. Until she looked down at herself. “Wait, why am I glowing, augh!”
“Radioactive waste!” supplied Simon.
“Fairy dust!” said Russell.
“Love!” said Noel.
“It’s not love,” said Sharmie, rolling her eyes.
“Shouldn’t we be talking more seriously?” asked Leah, poking Paisley’s lightly glowing arm. “She’s still glowing.”
“Please help me,” said Paisley.
“Maybe it’s these little paper stars,” said Julian, holding one in his hand and staring at it. “They seem to have some sort of warmth to them, even though they’re just paper.”
“I’ll swallow one to find out,” said Noel.
“NO!” they all cried.
“We don’t know what that could do to you!” said Leah.
“That’s true,” said Noel. “So what should we do?”
“I dunno,” said Sharmie. “Get her stomach pumped?”
“There’s nothing you can do!” cried a voice from above.
“How did it cry from above?” asked Simon, perplexed. “We’re on the roof!”
“The man upstairs,” said Julian solemnly.
“I’m on the moon, actually,” said the man. They all looked up and saw a small man sitting on the moon.
“I’m glowing too. And I’m bored. So the sky said it would get me a companion to suffer--I mean, spend time with me. Now she’s glowing too and we can have adventures up here. On the moon.” He kind of smirked.. He was nice, but Paisley really did not want to spend eternity on the moon, even if the man had amazing hair and a smooth british accent.
“No thanks,” she said. “I’m up for the stomach pumping option!”
“There’s no time for that,” said the man on the moon, “The glowing becomes permanent in ten minutes. You’ll never be able to live in society again!”
“You need to become a little bit bulimic,” said Leah.
“Just this once,” added Sharmie.
“No way,” said Paisley. “There’s no way I’m going to make myself vomit.”
“We’ll just have to do it!” said Noel with a smile.
“Oh joy,” said Simon.
“I’ve got the way!” said Russell, and swept Paisley into a kiss. But she completely imagined that part. Instead, he knocked her over and pushed her to the edge of the roof.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?” cried Leah, rushing to stop Russell. But Paisley was fine, since she was only looking at the lawn, not falling on to it. Her fear made her stomach jump into her throat, and it figured while it was up there it should kick this annoying star out. So it did. The star floated out and back into the air.
“Curses,” said the man on the moon.
He was still lonely, but everyone on the roof just drank more Bailey’s and ignored him.
The end!
Author: Sharmie
Rating: PG, I think. Maybe PG-13. Russell is in it.
Summary: They have a party on the roof.
Safety comes first, kids, but not for the people in this townhouse. Do as they say, not as they do. Or as they say, really, cause they’d tell you to do silly things like weave your dreams into pants or teach kittens to play mozart. Everyone knows kittens are better at Bach.
Anyway, on this fine evening Noel had decided it would be really cool to hang out on the roof. He’d packed a picnic basket of snacks and Bailey’s (and ice, because who drinks Bailey’s without ice?) and had called only his closest friends to enjoy the crisp evening air. Oh, and also his roommates.
Carrying his lime green wicker picnic basket, Noel led Leah, Paisley, Sharmie, Julian, Russell, and Simon Amstell up to the living room.
“I’m still not really sure this is a good idea,” said Sharmie.
“Of course it is!” replied Noel, watching Julian dutifully remove the screen from the large window.
“It seems like a lot of fun,” said Leah, grinning at Noel. He grinned back, glad that she was backing him.
“Fun if we don’t freeze to death on the roof,” said Paisley.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Simon, running a hand through his adorably fluffy hair. “We would fall to our deaths first, and what a riot that will be.” Russell stopped him from more sarcasm by hugging him and giving the top of his head a little kiss. It would have been sweet if Russell wasn’t grinning like a rapist. Good thing Russell was still mostly into girls. Mostly.
“It’ll be fine if we take the necessary precautions,” said Julian. “We just have to make sure there’s someone on the other end to help. However, that person must be the best climber, the most balanced, and the strongest in order to help everyone else up safely.”
“Technically, that’s me,” said Noel proudly.
“Oh please,” said Sharmie.
“Actually,” said Julian haughtily, “I was thinking more along the lines of myself.”
“We’re going to fall to our deaths,” said Simon.
Julian ignored his comment and instead began to climb out the window. They all watched him as he stepped onto the small roof just outside the window, balanced himself on the sloped surface, and then hauled himself up onto the roof.
“Is this even allowed?” asked Paisley.
“Probably not,” replied Noel, climbing through the window. They watched as Julian pulled Noel out of sight.
“Wouldn’t it be funny if we just left and left the two of them up there?” asked Sharmie, giggling a little. She was giggly.
“No,” replied Paisley, watching Russell begin to climb through the window. “I’d want to be there to watch.” There was an awkward silence then, because this was not in her mind.
“Ammy-Amstell, come along, get your bottom onto the roof,” sang Russell through the window, before climbing upwards. Simon followed reluctantly, but looked back at the three girls with a look that clearly said “If I get raped he’s coming after you next.”
“I guess we should go,” said Paisley.
“I’m all up ons,” said Leah, climbing through.
Sharmie and Paisley looked at each other. They both were not really excited to climb up there, but everyone else was there and they would be bored all alone.
Paisley climbed through first.
“I’m going to fall to my death,” said Sharmie, to no one in particular.
She climbed out onto the roof. She looked down, and it was thirty feet to the ground. Instead of screaming and trying to dive back in the window and then probably falling off, she looked up. Julian reached his hand down to her, and somehow, with her feet pushing at the bricks, pulled her up.
“We’re all here!” said Noel happily, sitting on a large picnic blanket. The roof wasn’t very large, but it was enough space to spread out the blanket so there was enough room for seven people to sit, a little close, with some room around it to walk.
“It’s beautiful out here, isn’t it?” said Russell, slipping an arm around Leah. Leah tried to shrug him off, but was too polite to push him away fully, and so was doomed to suffer his advances until they got too scary to suffer any longer. Simon looked a little freed, and could instead talk to everyone.
Noel quickly opened the bottle of Bailey’s and was doling it out to them. Julian took a sip.
“Mmm, delicious,” he said, quickly putting it down.
“Keep drinking,” said Paisley suggestively. She was suggestive, but only in her mind.
“The, uh, the moon is quite nice, uh, tonight,” said Julian, looking upwards. No one paid him any mind.
“The moon is quite nice nice tonight,” said Noel, sipping elegantly from his glass. Everyone gazed upwards at the pretty full moon.
“I said that first, narrator,” grumbled Julian.
“Shut up,” replied the narrator.
Just then, the sky decided it was time to do something cool. It had been sitting around being a nightly purple for too long, and now it was time to make stars fly! And so it did. Paper stars fell out of the night sky and started hitting rooftops. And the rooftop. Where people were sitting.
“Paper stars!” cried Noel with joy.
“Quite the enchanting atmosphere, is it not?” said Russell, offering Leah a small star. Leah took it with a smile, but the smile was plastered to her face by fear. And terror. Fear and terror.
One fell in Paisley’s drink, but she didn’t notice. She kept drinking it, because it was yummy. And creamy. Mmm, creamy... Uh, right, yeah, she kept drinking it until she drank the star.
“Why are you glowing?” asked Simon suddenly.
“I’m not...?” said Paisley. But she was, and she didn't know it. Until she looked down at herself. “Wait, why am I glowing, augh!”
“Radioactive waste!” supplied Simon.
“Fairy dust!” said Russell.
“Love!” said Noel.
“It’s not love,” said Sharmie, rolling her eyes.
“Shouldn’t we be talking more seriously?” asked Leah, poking Paisley’s lightly glowing arm. “She’s still glowing.”
“Please help me,” said Paisley.
“Maybe it’s these little paper stars,” said Julian, holding one in his hand and staring at it. “They seem to have some sort of warmth to them, even though they’re just paper.”
“I’ll swallow one to find out,” said Noel.
“NO!” they all cried.
“We don’t know what that could do to you!” said Leah.
“That’s true,” said Noel. “So what should we do?”
“I dunno,” said Sharmie. “Get her stomach pumped?”
“There’s nothing you can do!” cried a voice from above.
“How did it cry from above?” asked Simon, perplexed. “We’re on the roof!”
“The man upstairs,” said Julian solemnly.
“I’m on the moon, actually,” said the man. They all looked up and saw a small man sitting on the moon.
“I’m glowing too. And I’m bored. So the sky said it would get me a companion to suffer--I mean, spend time with me. Now she’s glowing too and we can have adventures up here. On the moon.” He kind of smirked.. He was nice, but Paisley really did not want to spend eternity on the moon, even if the man had amazing hair and a smooth british accent.
“No thanks,” she said. “I’m up for the stomach pumping option!”
“There’s no time for that,” said the man on the moon, “The glowing becomes permanent in ten minutes. You’ll never be able to live in society again!”
“You need to become a little bit bulimic,” said Leah.
“Just this once,” added Sharmie.
“No way,” said Paisley. “There’s no way I’m going to make myself vomit.”
“We’ll just have to do it!” said Noel with a smile.
“Oh joy,” said Simon.
“I’ve got the way!” said Russell, and swept Paisley into a kiss. But she completely imagined that part. Instead, he knocked her over and pushed her to the edge of the roof.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?” cried Leah, rushing to stop Russell. But Paisley was fine, since she was only looking at the lawn, not falling on to it. Her fear made her stomach jump into her throat, and it figured while it was up there it should kick this annoying star out. So it did. The star floated out and back into the air.
“Curses,” said the man on the moon.
He was still lonely, but everyone on the roof just drank more Bailey’s and ignored him.
The end!