Sister just called...can't talk
My sister, Alex, just called. She thinks she's coming down with something (she's a middle school drama and choral teacher) as she feels like crap and the kids at school are sick (they started school two weeks ago in Los Lunes, NM, but they get out the week of Memorial Day so it is the same amount of time most US school kids get for summer vacation). It is probably that flu that was going around this area, and which Eric got, then I caught a less harsh version a few days later...from him of course, a few weeks ago.
Headaches and fibromyalgia aside, I have pretty good immunity to most viruses...I rarely catch colds and typical "flu" and when I do I don't seem to get it as bad as other people.
Sis and I are going to talk on Saturday around noon or on Monday (Labor Day in the US, so a national holiday and she has it off), depending on whether they celebrate her husband's birthday (which is Monday) on Monday or Saturday.
I'm rather relieved that I don't have to have a serious conversation with her tonight, but at the same time I know she really needs another woman to talk to about this (her women friends in that area mostly have kids and don't work, or only work part time and so usually they can talk during the day, but not in the evening when she is done with work). I hope if she still needs to vent on Saturday or Monday that her husband won't be in the same room so that she can speak to me without feeling restricted in what she says.
I don't mean to infer here that he is abusing her. He is not. She is not afraid of him hearing her talk to me, it is just that venting is venting, and although a great stress reliever, if overheard, some of the things she says may be taken the wrong way by her husband and all the work they've been doing lately with the therapist and each other could go down the toilet. He doesn't vent by talking, but rock climbs and gets out stress that way. She vents and gets rid of emotional stress by talking and jogging, but the jogging only does so much for her stress levels (so she says) and she needs to talk to her women friends (of whom I am lucky enough that as her sister she considers me one of her closest women friends)to vent sometimes.
I, on the other hand, would rather vent to a journal, write a poem or story, or dance or sing at the top of my lungs with the car windows open driving down a major highway with no traffic to get my stress out. Sometimes I'll vent with my sister, but the situation has to be pretty serious for me to vent to anyone. I prefer to work things out on my own.
Although, if I am going to talk to anyone about my problems in a "venting" fashion, she is good for that if I need it. Mostly though, if I'm talking about my problems with anyone I don't want "tea and sympathy", I want advice.
Sometimes she has given me some really powerful advice too. My husband is like that as well. Both of them understand me better then anyone else in my life, and in such different ways that sometimes their advice can come from two totally opposite sides of the spectrum on the same problem, but often that is just what I need to hear at the time. Sometimes, even if I don't take the advice from either of them directly, the fact the advice is coming from two different points of view will make me see the problem or issue in a new way, and then I can come up with a solution I never would have come up with on my own.
I'm pretty emotionally independent...it is both a blessing (as rarely have those around me been very emotionally supportive and I had to learn to take care of myself) and a curse (it took me a long time to open up to my husband, Eric, in an emotionally dependent way and although he is not verbally emotionally supportive, he is good at trying to make me laugh or give me a neck rub or a hug or just let me cry to help me let go of sadness or stress so that I can do clear my mind enough to work on the emotional support myself).
Of course emotional support to me is different then it is to most women. Most women want someone to listen to them, they don't want to solve whatever is upsetting them immediately. I have trouble with this in that I do the more "typically" male thing and have had to teach myself NOT to try and help them think of a solution to the problem that is upsetting them and just sit and listen to them and hug them or make them tea or something.
One of my worse characteristics, is that sometimes I get impatient with women (or men) who just complain or vent about the same problem day after day and don't actually try to SOLVE it. Some things (like grief over death or something) I understand don't go away quickly, that's not what I'm talking about, I mean something that is causing someone emotional pain, and they intellectually KNOW the way to fix it, but can't make themselves stop being the victim of the situation, so that they are no longer in emotional pain anymore.
Sometimes I think some people enjoy being in emotional pain...I believe those are called emotional masochists.
I used to have an older woman friend who was never happier when she was miserable. The problem is she liked to vent over and over again about the same problem with all her friends until she got them so worked up she seemed to literally drag them down with her into misery. I tried for years to help her out of the situations she got herself into, and then, finally (I guess I'm more optimistic about such things when it comes to my friends then I say I am as it takes a lot for me to give up hope on a person once I call them a friend), after nine years of friendship, I realized she was NEVER going to change.
No matterh how good things did get for her, she would always manage to find something really petty to be upset about. Is this what they mean by a "Drama Queen"? I don't know, but in my mind, she was THE definition of "Drama Queen"(I say "was" and not "is" because I have no idea what is going on in her life now. When I finally realized I was "enabling" her in her dramas I had to stop being her friend for my own emotional well-being--and that was about four or five years ago). The woman never seemed happy unless she herself was upset about something or she could involve herself in someone else's tragedy/drama if nothing interesting enough was going on in her life to anguish over.
Oh my, can you tell the caffeine in the Excedrin has not only made my headache go away, but that it has turned me into a computer version of a "Chatty Cathy" doll? Sure you can.
Hugs,
Owlie
Headaches and fibromyalgia aside, I have pretty good immunity to most viruses...I rarely catch colds and typical "flu" and when I do I don't seem to get it as bad as other people.
Sis and I are going to talk on Saturday around noon or on Monday (Labor Day in the US, so a national holiday and she has it off), depending on whether they celebrate her husband's birthday (which is Monday) on Monday or Saturday.
I'm rather relieved that I don't have to have a serious conversation with her tonight, but at the same time I know she really needs another woman to talk to about this (her women friends in that area mostly have kids and don't work, or only work part time and so usually they can talk during the day, but not in the evening when she is done with work). I hope if she still needs to vent on Saturday or Monday that her husband won't be in the same room so that she can speak to me without feeling restricted in what she says.
I don't mean to infer here that he is abusing her. He is not. She is not afraid of him hearing her talk to me, it is just that venting is venting, and although a great stress reliever, if overheard, some of the things she says may be taken the wrong way by her husband and all the work they've been doing lately with the therapist and each other could go down the toilet. He doesn't vent by talking, but rock climbs and gets out stress that way. She vents and gets rid of emotional stress by talking and jogging, but the jogging only does so much for her stress levels (so she says) and she needs to talk to her women friends (of whom I am lucky enough that as her sister she considers me one of her closest women friends)to vent sometimes.
I, on the other hand, would rather vent to a journal, write a poem or story, or dance or sing at the top of my lungs with the car windows open driving down a major highway with no traffic to get my stress out. Sometimes I'll vent with my sister, but the situation has to be pretty serious for me to vent to anyone. I prefer to work things out on my own.
Although, if I am going to talk to anyone about my problems in a "venting" fashion, she is good for that if I need it. Mostly though, if I'm talking about my problems with anyone I don't want "tea and sympathy", I want advice.
Sometimes she has given me some really powerful advice too. My husband is like that as well. Both of them understand me better then anyone else in my life, and in such different ways that sometimes their advice can come from two totally opposite sides of the spectrum on the same problem, but often that is just what I need to hear at the time. Sometimes, even if I don't take the advice from either of them directly, the fact the advice is coming from two different points of view will make me see the problem or issue in a new way, and then I can come up with a solution I never would have come up with on my own.
I'm pretty emotionally independent...it is both a blessing (as rarely have those around me been very emotionally supportive and I had to learn to take care of myself) and a curse (it took me a long time to open up to my husband, Eric, in an emotionally dependent way and although he is not verbally emotionally supportive, he is good at trying to make me laugh or give me a neck rub or a hug or just let me cry to help me let go of sadness or stress so that I can do clear my mind enough to work on the emotional support myself).
Of course emotional support to me is different then it is to most women. Most women want someone to listen to them, they don't want to solve whatever is upsetting them immediately. I have trouble with this in that I do the more "typically" male thing and have had to teach myself NOT to try and help them think of a solution to the problem that is upsetting them and just sit and listen to them and hug them or make them tea or something.
One of my worse characteristics, is that sometimes I get impatient with women (or men) who just complain or vent about the same problem day after day and don't actually try to SOLVE it. Some things (like grief over death or something) I understand don't go away quickly, that's not what I'm talking about, I mean something that is causing someone emotional pain, and they intellectually KNOW the way to fix it, but can't make themselves stop being the victim of the situation, so that they are no longer in emotional pain anymore.
Sometimes I think some people enjoy being in emotional pain...I believe those are called emotional masochists.
I used to have an older woman friend who was never happier when she was miserable. The problem is she liked to vent over and over again about the same problem with all her friends until she got them so worked up she seemed to literally drag them down with her into misery. I tried for years to help her out of the situations she got herself into, and then, finally (I guess I'm more optimistic about such things when it comes to my friends then I say I am as it takes a lot for me to give up hope on a person once I call them a friend), after nine years of friendship, I realized she was NEVER going to change.
No matterh how good things did get for her, she would always manage to find something really petty to be upset about. Is this what they mean by a "Drama Queen"? I don't know, but in my mind, she was THE definition of "Drama Queen"(I say "was" and not "is" because I have no idea what is going on in her life now. When I finally realized I was "enabling" her in her dramas I had to stop being her friend for my own emotional well-being--and that was about four or five years ago). The woman never seemed happy unless she herself was upset about something or she could involve herself in someone else's tragedy/drama if nothing interesting enough was going on in her life to anguish over.
Oh my, can you tell the caffeine in the Excedrin has not only made my headache go away, but that it has turned me into a computer version of a "Chatty Cathy" doll? Sure you can.
Hugs,
Owlie