'C'mon and show them your love. Rip out the wings of a butterfly for your soul.'
Is it just infatuiation? Do I really love him? Somone told me it's not love, it's lust. I don't... *sighs* Yeah I wouldn't mind that, but I know he's not like that. I think it's love... I hate him because I fell in love with him. It hurts like it's fucking love.... Just like I told Manda....
'So I guess my heart isn't really hurting and making me cry myself to sleep. It's just hormones I guess. It's not my heart that just wants to be held in his arms and never leave. It's not my heart that allows me to trust him so easily and believe his promises. It's not my heart, it's all in my fucking mind that my entire structured life has fallen apart because of just him!!!! That's all it fucking is, that's all it is every fucking time I think I love someone.'
Damnit... after Roland I said I'd never let someone get that close to me again... What the fuck did I do? Let him get close to me is what I did... I knew deep down that it would never work out, but something in me wanted to think it might work, even on a small scale. Not happening. Never will either. Now I think he's avoiding and ignoring me. Wonderful huh? Maybe he just made all those promises to me at the time so I'd feel better and he could sleep easier. Maybe he just wanted me cheered up so I wouldn't tell him about my problems anymore. I don't fucking know anymore and I don't fucking care. I don't care because no one else cares. Like I told Manda...
'No one notices that Jess is falling apart. No one asks Jess why Jess looks so sad, why Jess dosen't smile or laugh anymore. Everyone just throws more at Jess and figures that Jess'll be fine. Everyone thinks Jess is just fine when Jess is far from fine.'
I hate my life, I hate my family, I hate people in general. I don't want to listen to people talk anymore because they are inane and fucking stupid. People piss me off and everything just makes me mad or makes me cry. But it dosen't matter and no one gives a fuck.
'So I guess my heart isn't really hurting and making me cry myself to sleep. It's just hormones I guess. It's not my heart that just wants to be held in his arms and never leave. It's not my heart that allows me to trust him so easily and believe his promises. It's not my heart, it's all in my fucking mind that my entire structured life has fallen apart because of just him!!!! That's all it fucking is, that's all it is every fucking time I think I love someone.'
Damnit... after Roland I said I'd never let someone get that close to me again... What the fuck did I do? Let him get close to me is what I did... I knew deep down that it would never work out, but something in me wanted to think it might work, even on a small scale. Not happening. Never will either. Now I think he's avoiding and ignoring me. Wonderful huh? Maybe he just made all those promises to me at the time so I'd feel better and he could sleep easier. Maybe he just wanted me cheered up so I wouldn't tell him about my problems anymore. I don't fucking know anymore and I don't fucking care. I don't care because no one else cares. Like I told Manda...
'No one notices that Jess is falling apart. No one asks Jess why Jess looks so sad, why Jess dosen't smile or laugh anymore. Everyone just throws more at Jess and figures that Jess'll be fine. Everyone thinks Jess is just fine when Jess is far from fine.'
I hate my life, I hate my family, I hate people in general. I don't want to listen to people talk anymore because they are inane and fucking stupid. People piss me off and everything just makes me mad or makes me cry. But it dosen't matter and no one gives a fuck.