At this juncture
I've uploaded the 5LDK photos and just have to do a massive LJ capspam. Be prepared for Taichi-invasion, you guys.
I went for the interview yesterday and it was quite an experience. I'll be writing about that tomorrow, maybe? It wasn't as nerve-wrecking as I expected. My LAMDA speech exam was tougher and way more scary.
But those aren't the main points of this post. I need to talk about the possible impacts of JET on my life and how God has been so good to me throughout this entire process.
At this point in life I realise that I'm afraid to go to Japan. It's becoming so real and that scares me. Haha. But I know I have a God whom I can trust and He will guide me through whatever I have to experience. I can worry all I want but I don't even know if I will get to go, and even if I do, none of my current questions can be answered if I don't spend at least a year there. What I'm thinking about now is:
1) I want to have kids in Japan. I want to have them on my second year in JET, if I get JET.
2) If I have my kids in Japan and then decide to return to Singapore, where would my family live? I don't have a place of my own in Singapore.
3) If I decide to have more kids and I end up not being able to stay on JET for five years, what should I do?
4) If Watermelon can't find a job we might have a bit of trouble saving. But if he finds a job and I have kids, we'll have to put the kids in daycare. And him and I both have issues with me being the sole breadwinner of the family.
5) What if I don't want to come back to Singapore? (I know I eventually will but right now my emotions are driving me to not return in at least 10 years)
6) When the kids come, I won't be able to attend lives any more! (Hahahaha this is actually the least of my worries but I have thought about it)
7) I think even after my JET contract ends I would want to continue teaching in Japan, maybe in the special needs sector where at least, if I get employed there I will be able to bring back to Singapore what I have learnt. Their spec ed is excellent and we definitely will be able to benefit from it. The only sad thing about Japan's spec ed is it's all in Japanese and most of the world isn't gleaning precious information on how to better run their special needs schools. This is something I've been wondering about for a long time and I hope that God will show me the way. I hope that somehow JET places me in a special school. That said, I can only hope.
I've managed to contact people who are on JET in the same situations as I am: both she and her husband aren't Japanese, only she was on JET, she had her daughter while on JET and her husband and her were both working when the baby was born. She managed to find a job in Japan, also in the education sector, so maybe I could do it as well? I don't know... I think my husband might not want to work in Japan.
I must pray about this. I think all these huge decisions in life are making me trust God even more and it's strengthening my faith but they're still huge decisions so there's still a certain amount of uncertainty involved. That said, while there is uncertainty, there is also a sense of... like, I am able to come to terms with my decisions. There is a peace that I have with all these choices that I didn't experience when I applied for other job openings. I haven't met any objection, although I have been questioned about my motives and my mother has explicitly pointed out that my plans don't seem too kind to my husband. But my husband is an amazing person whom I cannot understand entirely at times. He just loves me so much and I don't know how I managed to marry someone like him. He told me that he's 'glad to be part of my dream' and I tell you, when I read that message on my phone I totally wanted to cry. I have told him that if he feels uncomfortable with our possible move to Japan, we should just not go. But he insisted because he felt if I were not given the chance to do this, I would regret it forever and end up hating him. XD
What I'm sure right now is, through this entire application for JET and preparing for it and communicating with my husband and finding employment in the past two years has led me to believe that God has a plan for me. Well, he has a plan for everyone, of course. I find that He has orchestrated certain things to make everything seem sucky at that point but now it turns out to be a brilliant stepping stone to an excellent surprise. I cannot explain this well enough but seriously, this God is a 100% God. And I haven't felt that I'm offending Him one bit, in all these decisions about Japan. That's the crux. If I were to feel the slightest bit of contention from any external factor that would prevent me from going to Japan, I would have an idea that it's not God's will for me to go. But that contention hasn't appeared. Of course, if I don't get to go for JET it'll pretty much be a clear sign that God doesn't want me to go, haha. That's my Game Over, I suppose.
Yet I firmly believe that God is no sadist. If you think He is out to get you, then you either have too little faith in His power or you haven't known Him yet. This makes me sound holier-than-thou but just months before, this was exactly how I perceived God to be. It took me this long to realise how amazing God is and how everlasting His promises are. I'm going to cling on to this for the rest of my life and I hope more of my friends and family can get to experience what I have.
I went for the interview yesterday and it was quite an experience. I'll be writing about that tomorrow, maybe? It wasn't as nerve-wrecking as I expected. My LAMDA speech exam was tougher and way more scary.
But those aren't the main points of this post. I need to talk about the possible impacts of JET on my life and how God has been so good to me throughout this entire process.
At this point in life I realise that I'm afraid to go to Japan. It's becoming so real and that scares me. Haha. But I know I have a God whom I can trust and He will guide me through whatever I have to experience. I can worry all I want but I don't even know if I will get to go, and even if I do, none of my current questions can be answered if I don't spend at least a year there. What I'm thinking about now is:
1) I want to have kids in Japan. I want to have them on my second year in JET, if I get JET.
2) If I have my kids in Japan and then decide to return to Singapore, where would my family live? I don't have a place of my own in Singapore.
3) If I decide to have more kids and I end up not being able to stay on JET for five years, what should I do?
4) If Watermelon can't find a job we might have a bit of trouble saving. But if he finds a job and I have kids, we'll have to put the kids in daycare. And him and I both have issues with me being the sole breadwinner of the family.
5) What if I don't want to come back to Singapore? (I know I eventually will but right now my emotions are driving me to not return in at least 10 years)
6) When the kids come, I won't be able to attend lives any more! (Hahahaha this is actually the least of my worries but I have thought about it)
7) I think even after my JET contract ends I would want to continue teaching in Japan, maybe in the special needs sector where at least, if I get employed there I will be able to bring back to Singapore what I have learnt. Their spec ed is excellent and we definitely will be able to benefit from it. The only sad thing about Japan's spec ed is it's all in Japanese and most of the world isn't gleaning precious information on how to better run their special needs schools. This is something I've been wondering about for a long time and I hope that God will show me the way. I hope that somehow JET places me in a special school. That said, I can only hope.
I've managed to contact people who are on JET in the same situations as I am: both she and her husband aren't Japanese, only she was on JET, she had her daughter while on JET and her husband and her were both working when the baby was born. She managed to find a job in Japan, also in the education sector, so maybe I could do it as well? I don't know... I think my husband might not want to work in Japan.
I must pray about this. I think all these huge decisions in life are making me trust God even more and it's strengthening my faith but they're still huge decisions so there's still a certain amount of uncertainty involved. That said, while there is uncertainty, there is also a sense of... like, I am able to come to terms with my decisions. There is a peace that I have with all these choices that I didn't experience when I applied for other job openings. I haven't met any objection, although I have been questioned about my motives and my mother has explicitly pointed out that my plans don't seem too kind to my husband. But my husband is an amazing person whom I cannot understand entirely at times. He just loves me so much and I don't know how I managed to marry someone like him. He told me that he's 'glad to be part of my dream' and I tell you, when I read that message on my phone I totally wanted to cry. I have told him that if he feels uncomfortable with our possible move to Japan, we should just not go. But he insisted because he felt if I were not given the chance to do this, I would regret it forever and end up hating him. XD
What I'm sure right now is, through this entire application for JET and preparing for it and communicating with my husband and finding employment in the past two years has led me to believe that God has a plan for me. Well, he has a plan for everyone, of course. I find that He has orchestrated certain things to make everything seem sucky at that point but now it turns out to be a brilliant stepping stone to an excellent surprise. I cannot explain this well enough but seriously, this God is a 100% God. And I haven't felt that I'm offending Him one bit, in all these decisions about Japan. That's the crux. If I were to feel the slightest bit of contention from any external factor that would prevent me from going to Japan, I would have an idea that it's not God's will for me to go. But that contention hasn't appeared. Of course, if I don't get to go for JET it'll pretty much be a clear sign that God doesn't want me to go, haha. That's my Game Over, I suppose.
Yet I firmly believe that God is no sadist. If you think He is out to get you, then you either have too little faith in His power or you haven't known Him yet. This makes me sound holier-than-thou but just months before, this was exactly how I perceived God to be. It took me this long to realise how amazing God is and how everlasting His promises are. I'm going to cling on to this for the rest of my life and I hope more of my friends and family can get to experience what I have.