But the Days Grow Short When You Reaach September
How is today the first of September? It feels like it should be February, still.
I have never outgrown the feeling -- leftover from school, even though school's been out for a me for quite a long time -- that September is a time of change, and of new beginnings. This is perhaps even more acute than usual this year, for reasons I can't quite pin down. But for whatever reason, this feels like the restless end of a long, dormant period. Things are changing, and some for the better, as the wind shifts and the leaves start to fall. It's always a scary time, the time before, and nothing fits quite right, but it feels like the precursor to something positive and new.
Some of this is based on genuine facts. After a long, dry summer, I've picked up some new clients, including one which is both lucrative and really interesting. I'm still not taking any extended vacations anytime soon, but I feel like I can breathe with my head above water again, at least for a little while. And last night I found myself designing business cards on some virtual website. I am the slowest of the slow (and I'm still looking, in targeted ways, for full-time employment), but I think I'm finally starting to believe it when I tell people that I'm a freelancer. I like it more than I ever thought I would.
I never thought of myself as a particularly entrepreneurial person. In the immortal words of Janeane Garofalo, I'm a very "start my orange" kind of person, but I'm starting to feel more confident promoting myself, and making bids for things, and trying to hustle up business, and all the other things you have to do. It's very different from how I usually operate, but I think it's good for me in a lot of ways.
maudgonne linked me to this article in Time yesterday, and so many things about it resonated with me, but particularly this quote from Rachel Simmons:
I don't think I understood how much of a good girl I was until I grew up. I was always the loud girl, the expressive girl. I had no problem telling everybody how I felt all the time, probably too often.
I don't think anyone would argue that I haven't spent my life being a total good girl, but that was always the kind of good girl I was. As long as I didn't have to talk myself up, I was great. These last couple years have really made me think a lot about my worth as a person, as an employee, as a writer and editor, as a woman, and while I don't recommend long-term, lower-middle-class poverty as a window into your soul for everyone, I have to say that it's been an interesting and valuable exercise. Plus, navel-gazing is free entertainment!
I'm not a particularly superstitious person, but I do tend to put a certain amount of stock into my gut feelings. There have been a few times in my life when I've entered a place or a circumstance and been struck, so strongly, with the idea that it was right for me, or even just inevitable. It happened the first time I walked onto the campus of my university for a visit, even though it hadn't even been on my radar before that day. It happened when I took the Job What Was. It happened when I decided to break up with my long-term boyfriend after college, and when I decided to move to California. The few times I ignored it, I did so at what turned out to be great pain and upset for me, so I've learned to pay attention.
I'm having that feeling again -- that something is coming.
Some of it is that when I went "home" to visit my family last month (last month! Seriously, how is it September?), it cemented for me the feeling that -- as much as I love and miss my family and friends -- I don't want to be there right now, not when I've managed to build a life, however small, out here that I love.
Some of it is just a feeling deep inside. I'm trying some new stuff, and I know myself well enough at this point to know when I'm going to follow through and when I'm just bs'ing even myself. This is me in "get 'er done" mode, and it excites me.
Some of the stuff that's changing is within my purview, and some of it is just small changes after a slow summer: healthier eating, more exercise, better organization and follow-through. It's not all going to happen overnight, but it is happening. Some of it is situational: better gigs, better economy, better outlook.
I'm not sure how it's going to end, but if there's one thing I've learned (actually, that is a stupid, stupid phrase. I've learned about a million things in the last few years, most of them hard-won and valuable) in this long, strange trip, it's that I should always trust the gut.
So here's to the cocoon stage, the Great Before. And let's see how it ends.
Oh hey, in case you cannot deal with the very long post, hi! Also, thanks for your many useful suggestions from my last post. I will eventually catch up on comments. And finally, welcome to the inevitable announcement. It's September, so that must mean it's 30 Days of Posting, More or Less. I have been full of LJ fail; this month, I will endeavor to be less so.
I have never outgrown the feeling -- leftover from school, even though school's been out for a me for quite a long time -- that September is a time of change, and of new beginnings. This is perhaps even more acute than usual this year, for reasons I can't quite pin down. But for whatever reason, this feels like the restless end of a long, dormant period. Things are changing, and some for the better, as the wind shifts and the leaves start to fall. It's always a scary time, the time before, and nothing fits quite right, but it feels like the precursor to something positive and new.
Some of this is based on genuine facts. After a long, dry summer, I've picked up some new clients, including one which is both lucrative and really interesting. I'm still not taking any extended vacations anytime soon, but I feel like I can breathe with my head above water again, at least for a little while. And last night I found myself designing business cards on some virtual website. I am the slowest of the slow (and I'm still looking, in targeted ways, for full-time employment), but I think I'm finally starting to believe it when I tell people that I'm a freelancer. I like it more than I ever thought I would.
I never thought of myself as a particularly entrepreneurial person. In the immortal words of Janeane Garofalo, I'm a very "start my orange" kind of person, but I'm starting to feel more confident promoting myself, and making bids for things, and trying to hustle up business, and all the other things you have to do. It's very different from how I usually operate, but I think it's good for me in a lot of ways.
maudgonne linked me to this article in Time yesterday, and so many things about it resonated with me, but particularly this quote from Rachel Simmons:
I don't think I understood how much of a good girl I was until I grew up. I was always the loud girl, the expressive girl. I had no problem telling everybody how I felt all the time, probably too often.
I don't think anyone would argue that I haven't spent my life being a total good girl, but that was always the kind of good girl I was. As long as I didn't have to talk myself up, I was great. These last couple years have really made me think a lot about my worth as a person, as an employee, as a writer and editor, as a woman, and while I don't recommend long-term, lower-middle-class poverty as a window into your soul for everyone, I have to say that it's been an interesting and valuable exercise. Plus, navel-gazing is free entertainment!
I'm not a particularly superstitious person, but I do tend to put a certain amount of stock into my gut feelings. There have been a few times in my life when I've entered a place or a circumstance and been struck, so strongly, with the idea that it was right for me, or even just inevitable. It happened the first time I walked onto the campus of my university for a visit, even though it hadn't even been on my radar before that day. It happened when I took the Job What Was. It happened when I decided to break up with my long-term boyfriend after college, and when I decided to move to California. The few times I ignored it, I did so at what turned out to be great pain and upset for me, so I've learned to pay attention.
I'm having that feeling again -- that something is coming.
Some of it is that when I went "home" to visit my family last month (last month! Seriously, how is it September?), it cemented for me the feeling that -- as much as I love and miss my family and friends -- I don't want to be there right now, not when I've managed to build a life, however small, out here that I love.
Some of it is just a feeling deep inside. I'm trying some new stuff, and I know myself well enough at this point to know when I'm going to follow through and when I'm just bs'ing even myself. This is me in "get 'er done" mode, and it excites me.
Some of the stuff that's changing is within my purview, and some of it is just small changes after a slow summer: healthier eating, more exercise, better organization and follow-through. It's not all going to happen overnight, but it is happening. Some of it is situational: better gigs, better economy, better outlook.
I'm not sure how it's going to end, but if there's one thing I've learned (actually, that is a stupid, stupid phrase. I've learned about a million things in the last few years, most of them hard-won and valuable) in this long, strange trip, it's that I should always trust the gut.
So here's to the cocoon stage, the Great Before. And let's see how it ends.
Oh hey, in case you cannot deal with the very long post, hi! Also, thanks for your many useful suggestions from my last post. I will eventually catch up on comments. And finally, welcome to the inevitable announcement. It's September, so that must mean it's 30 Days of Posting, More or Less. I have been full of LJ fail; this month, I will endeavor to be less so.