Happy New Year, V.B.
Title: Happy New Year, V.B.
Rating: PG13
Categories: Pure crack and humour.
Characters: DrunkandCrackedup!SUJU (?), ConfusedandSpazzy!Henry
Summary: Henry spends his first New Year’s Eve in Korea with Super Junior. With the addition of tutus, Big Bang dirty lyrics and lampshades … total chaos ensues.
A/N: I would just like to say that I love Henry and Big Bang. And I love their new release: For the World, but really, BIG BANG! You boys are dirty =P You’re just asking for it. Written at an ungodly time of night when I should’ve been sleeping. Yes, I am on crack. And lots of sugar.
Henry Lau stood in front of the Super Junior dorm staring at the brown and plain door. He had been standing there for about 16 minutes with his luggage, having just arrived back from Canada, on New Year’s Eve to boot. Although, the time difference would probably mean that it was around 8 am in Canada, but he wasn’t sure if it was either the 30th or 31st back home. But his inability to calculate the time differences between Korea and Canada wasn’t why he was standing in front of the dorm like a total 12 year old who was scared to ring the doorbell of his crush’s house which would result in him kicking the girl’s mother’s flower pots, and running away in fear that the mother would force him to pay for them. Not that he had ever done that of course. Henry Lau was suave. He could play the violin, moonwalk and look sexy - at the same time, thank you very much. So, why was Henry Lau hesitating on entering the door? Well, the answer was simple.
Fear.
Yes, Henry Lau was completely scared shitless to enter the dorm. He had seen Super Junior with soju and karaoke on the weekends. It wasn’t a pretty sight. They weren’t even allowed to be drinking on the weekends. So now that Super Junior had an excuse to binge drink on soju (it being New Year’s Eve and all), Henry was a little bit scared to see what the effects would be.
Then again, it was extremely quiet in the hallway. He expected to hear loud music coming from the dorm, but it was completely silent. Unless, the crazy fangirls/fanboys had decided to ban together and raise money for soundproof pads for the Super Junior dorm, he was beginning to think that there might not even be anyone inside.
But, just as Henry was about to open the door, the door opened and an explosion of music hit his eardrums. Apparently, the fangirls/fanboys did buy Super Junior soundproof pads for their walls. Henry thought it was extremely unfair that they had sprouted out money for soundproof pads for Super Junior, when Henry clearly needed an iPod, new sound system (oh, yes, he was keeping up with Soompi and noticed that the Brian fangirls/boys had bought him an entirely new sound system), and while they were at it, a new violin case would be nice, too. Henry sighed. Life could be so unfair sometimes.
“AHH! HENRY!”
Henry looked up and remembered why he was here again. Eeteuk was smiling at him with his arms wide open, but he was wearing that ridiculous, baggy, “little Red Riding Hood” sweater again. Sometimes, Henry thought that Eeteuk was going to quit Super Junior one day and just come out with his own brand of big, baggy and feminine sweaters …for men.
“What are you doing out here? COME IN!” Eeteuk cried out over the music, and he pulled Henry in with the luggage.
Speaking of the music, it appeared to sound like a hip hop band that Henry liked, but never remembered the name of. As he listened closer, he realized that they were singing/rapping in English and it was DOWNRIGHT dirty. Were all translated Korean lyrics this raunchy? Henry shook his head and had the urge to cover his ears. His ‘Korean music turned raunchy English’ virginity was popped.
Once Henry’s shock of the corny (BABY, NOW YOU HAVE THE KEY TO MY HEART) and very suggestive (EVERYNIGHT, TURNING IN HEAT) lyrics, he took the time to take in the environment. Six minutes ago, he had been standing in front of the dorm room filled with fear as to what he would see. At the time, he thought he was overreacting. Now, that he was actually in the dorm … he realized he was being stupid, because obviously he was NOT overreacting. If anything, he was underreacting. He, definitely, should’ve done a better job at mentally preparing himself.
Heechul was wearing a pink tutu with a tiara and waving a wand while trying to sing along to the music. Donghae was right beside him, as well, and was slowly losing almost all of his clothing. But seeing as how Donghae liked to strip when he was drunk, it was understandable. There were a lot of empty soju bottles on the ground, meaning Donghae was very drunk. Oh, and did he mention that Heechul and Donghae were on top of the living room table while doing all of this?
Super Junior: table dancers. It had a nice ring to it, Henry had to admit.
Kibum was actually sitting at the sofa looking up at Heechul and Donghae with a drunken smile on his face. The two boys on the tabletop seemed to be vying for the quiet boy’s attention, and Donghae seemed to be winning. Henry really couldn’t blame him. If he had to choose between a man in a pink tutu set with a tiara or a lithe, muscled man wearing just boxers and a tie - well, he would pick boxers and tie over tutus any day.
“Okay, you know where everything is,” Eeteuk said, interrupting Henry’s observations, he had come back from throwing Henry’s luggage into one of the rooms, “I guess you can drink a bit of soju tonight, since it is for a special occasion.”
Henry stared at Eeteuk. Did the band’s umma, the caring and lovable UMMA, just tell Henry, the underaged, sound system-less, violinist, that he could drink?
Henry’s shock must have radiated through towards Eeteuk because he quickly said, “Only just a little bit!”
Henry nodded and noticed that most of Super Junior was missing. “Hyung, where’s the rest of the group?”
“Hmm?” Eeteuk asked, as he watched Kangin do a very bad rendition of Fly to the Sky’s Like a Man in front of the TV screen. It was a bit pointless because the raunchy English music playing was loud enough and Kangin was practically screaming instead of singing.
“The members?” Henry flailed his arms, “Where are they?”
“Oh, they’re around here, somewhere, you should probably check the closets,” Eeteuk said, without even looking at Henry, but instead his eye narrowed at Kangin karaokeing. “Kangin! It’s completely off tune! You need to put more OOMPH into the chorus!” And, he hurried off to show what putting OOMPH into a song really meant. When Eeteuk said ‘OOMPH’, he actually did a hip thrust. Yes, Super Junior actually do hip thrusts in real life and not just for show. Ryeowook once old him that doing 20 hip thrusts a day would allow him to keep his slim figure. This was during the early Don’t Don days and Henry actually believed them. So, everyday since Ryeowook had told him this tip, Henry would actually join 6 or 7 members in the morning, and do 20 hip thrusts. Ryeowook wasn’t lying! Despite all the snacks, noodles, spicy rice cakes and cakes, Henry still had his slim figure and it was all because of the intense hip thrusting with Super Junior.
Seeing that Eeteuk had left for some ‘oomphing’ with Kangin, that left Henry on his own which was a bit scary, because at any point in time, a random Super Junior member could pop out at him. He decided to take advantage of Eeteuk’s absence, and downed a shot of soju hoping that it would relieve him of his uneasiness. It didn’t.
He set the shot glass down and walked past Donghae (who was now only wearing boxers and Kibum was wearing his tie) and Heechul (who seemed to have forgotten that there were other people in the room because he was jumping up and down on the table screaming, “LALALALA~”) and walked towards a bedroom. Seeing as how he really didn’t spend that much time in the Super Junior dorm, he was faced with three doors that looked the exact same.
Henry randomly opened the first one and realized that it was not a bedroom, but rather a coat closet with a very drunk Eunhyuk on the floor holding a lampshade.
“Urm …”
“OH! HI HENRY! I didn’t know you were back!” Eunhyuk tried to stand up, but instead tripped over the coats that had fallen from the hangers.
“Are you okay?” Henry asked hesitantly, seeing that Eunhyuk was laughing outrageously at his own fall.
Eunhyuk waved him off, and stuck the lampshade in front of Henry’s face. “HENRY! I want you to meet Kim Yu Ri, isn’t she beautiful?” What was it with Super Junior and seriously yelling out Henry, caps lock style? It wasn’t like he was across the room, or deaf. Maybe they wanted Henry to feel special.
Henry looked at Eunhyuk and to the lampshade and back to Eunhyuk. “You mean the lampshade?”
Eunhyuk gave Henry a shocked expression and began to pet his lampshade, or girlfriend, or lampfriend? “Noooo!” he looked back down at the lampfriend. “Shhhh, you are not a lamp! We won’t say the l-word, okay?” and he looked back up, “Do you see a l-word here? All there is, is this pretty girl in my arms!” Eunhyuk said matter of factly, and shook the lampshade in front of his face so that the tassels hit him. “Oh, sorry, she has really long and soft hair.”
Henry continued to stare at Eunhyuk as he began to stroke the tassels as if they were hair. He watched as Eunhyuk began to nuzzle the lamp shade and said loving words to it, such as, “You are so gorgeous~” Henry was starting to feel like a voyeur - a creepy voyeur - as he stared at Eunhyuk and his lampfriend.
“Uh, yeah, I’ll just leave you two alone,” Henry said, as he began to close the closet door.
Eunhyuk waved bye to him, never taking his eyes off of his beautiful Kim Yu Ri.
Henry shut the closet door behind him with a puzzled face. He hoped Eunhyuk and Yu Ri didn’t do more than nuzzle and kiss tonight.
He opened up another door and to his relief, it was a bedroom. But, this bedroom held a leather pants clad Yehsung, Ryeowook critiquing the pants and a big pile of clothes in the centre. The two boys saw Henry and yelled out to him, caps locks style, as usual. Hesitantly, Henry made his way towards the two boys.
“Umm, what are you doing?” Henry was almost afraid to ask the question.
Yehsung stood in front of the mirror, adjusting his bangs so they fell perfectly across his forehead. “Getting ready for the performance, tomorrow,” he said matter of factly.
Henry raised an eyebrow and looked towards a clock. “But, it’s only 11 o’clock, isn’t the performance in … I don’t know … eleven hours?”
“Exactly! There’s not enough time, at all! Eleven hours to look my best. We’re going to be the first idols that people see in 2008! Do you know how much pressure that is?” Yehsung exclaimed to Henry, and then tried to walk in his leather pants, but was very unsuccessful. “These are really tight, Ryeowook!”
Ryeowook sat on the bed with his arms crossed, and a finger tapping his temple and staring at Yehsung’s pants thoughtfully. “They look very nice, and they really slim your thighs, maybe you should just sleep in them tonight and wear them in.”
Yehsung stretched out his left leg and then his right leg, and was now walking in massive steps around the room in tight, leather pants. “Okay, that’s a good idea.”
Ryeowook smiled and looked towards Henry. “HENRY! I like your outfit.”
Henry looked down at his grey sweatpants, white T-shirt and a very fobby black jacket that Brent Kingston had bought for him for Christmas and insisted that he wear it back to Korea. “Uh, thanks,” he replied, “I like yours too, especially the very shiny gold peacoat, skinny dark jeans and converses.”
Ryeowook beamed. “Oh, it was nothing, I just threw it on.” ‘Threw it on’ in Ryeowook speak meant ‘I coordinated this outfit with my hairstyle and eyeliner 2 days ago to look better than you. HAHA.’
Another 15 minutes of watching Yehsung style his hair (hey, Henry’s hair was similar to Yehsung and he needed tips on how to tame the mess on his head) and Ryeowook talking about what everyone should wear tomorrow, Henry felt it was time to go. “Okay,” Henry began, “I think I’m going to go back outside, now.”
“Okay, HENRY!” Ryewook waved him off. “But, remember, I think you should swear that black vest with the long sleeved blue striped shirt with those dark jeans, okay?”
“Yah! And you only have ten and a half hours to get ready, and no offence, but you’re going to need all of those ten and a half hours,” Yehsung said without taking his eyes away from the mirror.
Henry rolled his eyes. “There’s a thing called sleep, you know.”
“Yes, and there’s a thing called coffee, magnificent thing, really.”
Henry shook his head and left the room, once again exposed to the music (DAMN HOMIE, YOU PHONY), and tried the last room. Praying that it was empty and Eunhyuk wasn’t there going to the next level with Yu Ri. He opened the door, and realized that either God really hated him or really liked to see him squirm. Eunhyuk wasn’t in the room, but Kyuhyun and Sungmin were. KyuMin were something of an item, as you can tell from the creativity of combining their two names, together. Although, Henry really couldn’t see why because Sungmin was cute, frilly, and pinchable, whereas Kyuhyun may have been the most sane person (maybe, it was because he joined Super Junior a bit late) in the house and seemed really indifferent to almost everything. The saying “opposites attract” definitely refered to those two.
“HENRY!” Sungmin cried out when he saw him standing at the doorway. From his pile of stuffed white and pink animals, he threw a massive pink bear (how a short boy like Sungmin had the strength to throw something half of his height, Henry would never know) in his direction which almost knocked the life out of him.
“OMPHHH!” Henry cried out as the bear hit him squarely in the chest.
“Oh! Are you okay?” Sungmin asked from across the room.
“Yeah, yeah,” Henry reassured him and walked towards the two boys. Kyuhyun and Sungmin were seated in a circle with around 6 stuffed animals. In the centre was a teapot and 9 small glasses. “What’s going on?” he asked, as he took a seat next to Kyuhyun.
Sungmin clapped his hands together. “We’re having a tea party! Henry, meet Mr. Bunny, Cuddles, Puddles, Mrs. Bunny (she’s not sitting beside Mr. Bunny because they’re in a fight), Peaches, and PomPom! WAVE!”
Henry looked at Sungmin’s expectant gaze and he did a small wave at the six stuff animals.
Sungmin beamed and started to pour the liquid out of the teapot and into the small cups.
Henry leaned towards Kyuhyun and whispered, “Is that really tea?”
Kyuhyun smirked with a dark glint in his eyes, “I spiked it with soju, Sungmin will be out of it before 1 am.”
Henry widened his eyes at Kyuhyun’s comment, “What?”
“You try playing tea party for five hours completely sober!” Kyuhyun whispered back.
Henry nodded in understanding. Sungmin could get pretty serious and intense when playing tea party.
It wasn’t until Henry noticed that he was actually talking to Peaches about how her day was, that he realized he was going a little bit crazy, or the soju was getting to his head. That was when he came to the conclusion that it was time to get out of Sungmin’s tea party and regain some sanity. He left a reluctant Sungmin and a very dazed Kyuhyun in his wake, and said good bye to each of Sungmin’s friends.
If Henry was expecting to gain some sanity in the living room, he was in for a surprise.
“Oh, my GOD! What are you people doing?” Henry cried out when he saw the scene in the living room, but clearly no one had heard him.
“SHE ALWAYS WANTS TO RIDE MY PONY! OWW~ YO YO!” Heechul sang, or screamed out, along with the song. It should be noted that when Heechul said “OWW” he said it in the way Michael Jackson usually yelled out after a line or two in a song.
Currently, Shiwon was on all fours and a very hysterical Heechul was on him, as if Shiwon was his pony. Heechul was waving his pink tutu in the air like a lasso and screaming out his broken English. “MY BABY SAYS IT GET REWL TONIGHT! I’M GON DO HER RWITE!”
Shiwon was on the bottom (was Henry really surprised?) and making an assortment of facial expressions. Henry really didn’t know it was possible to make that much variety of faces while being ridden by Kim Heechul. He learned something new everyday.
Shindong was right behind Shiwon, most likely drunk out of his mind, because his dance moves consisted of the robot, a long pause, and the raise the roof move, and then he started to do the Monster Mash. It was really ugly.
“I WANNA LICK HER BUM~” Heechul crooned out.
“OHMYGOD?! WHAT?!” Henry exclaimed.
Heechul stopped his singing and stared at Henry. “Oh, HI HENRY!” he exclaimed and jumped off of Shiwon (“OMFPH!”) and hurried towards Henry.
“Uh, hi,” Henry said, “what did you just sing?”
Heechul stepped back into his tutu and pulled it around his small waist. “Oh, uh, I’m not sure,” Heechul turned to Shiwon, “Rewind the song!”
Shiwon made a hand gesture symbolizing, ‘why me’, but went to rewind the song. The familiar tune played back and Heechul sang out, “I WANNA LICK HER BUM!”
Henry stared at Heechul with an expression that clearly read ‘WTF’, and told the older boy, “I think he said, ‘as I look above’.”
Heechul laughed at Henry. “Oh, Henry, I know you’ve only been here in Korea for a few months, but I’m sure that I know the meaning of Big Bang’s lyrics.”
“AH! BIG BANG! THAT’S THEIR NAME!” Henry suddenly cried out. “But, wait, why are they singing in English?”
“They just released their Japanese debut,” Shindong said, appearing simply out of no where, and still continuing his odd combination of the robot and Macarena dance.
“And, it’s in English?” Henry said.
“Yes.”
“So, they released this album in Japan, and it’s their first debut in Japan, and the entire album is in English?”
“Yep!”
“Oh,” Henry said, but nothing really made sense. Why would they release an album in English when it was set for a Japanese release? Henry turned to Heechul to argue that 18 year old Korean boys would not be writing such explicit lyrics, but Heechul was back on Shiwon and singing the next line.
“MAKE IT LIKE ECSTASCY! … SAY MY NAME SOFTLY! .. TAKE IT DOWN SOUTH, BABY!” Heechul sang, clearly not knowing what he was singing.
Henry stared in shock. Clearly, he was wrong, 18 year old Korean boys COULD write explicit lyrics because he definitely just heard what Heechul sang coming from the speakers. Henry felt like the innocent and naïve world he lived in was crashing down on him, and it only took one and a half hours. Damn Super Junior.
“HENRY!” Hankyung suddenly popped out from behind the counter. It really was true, Super Junior members spontaneously popped out of no where, all the time.
“Oh, hi,” he replied, he then looked towards Hankyung pouring a shot of soju, back to Heechul and Shiwon and back to Hankyung. “Uh, hyung, aren’t you and Shiwon seeing one another?”
Hankyung looked up from his soju and looked in Shiwon’s direction. “Yep!” and he went back to pouring a second shot.
“But, don’t you see Heechul riding Shiwon?” Henry asked, tentatively.
Hankyung nodded, without even looking up and pouring a third shot.
“And you don’t care?” Henry asked, getting a bit impatient. Did the China man show no inkling of feelings, at all?
“Oh, not really,” said Hangkyung, pouring the fourth shot. “As long as it’s Heechul, it’s okay.”
Henry widened his eyes. “WHAT? Is Heechul blackmailing you or something? You have to give Shiwon over to him at any time?” Heechul was a really sadistic bastard, sometimes.
Hankyung laughed, and poured the fifth shot. “No, Shiwon and I have an open relationship with Heechul.”
Henry blinked. “An open relationship?”
“Shiwon and I are together, but if Heechul happens to be in the mood for either of us or both, then he’s welcome to join,” Hankyung said, but suddenly looked up, “Eeteuk gave you the talk about boys liking one another, right? I hope he gave you the talk about three boys liking one another, too.”
Henry gave a horrified look because the memories of the talk with Eeteuk began to resurface. It had to be the most uncomfortable conversation in his life.
Henry nodded, slowly.
“Oh, good!” Hankyung said relieved and poured the sixth shot, and he lined the shots up neatly.
“Are you going to drink all of that?” Henry asked. Hankyung was possibly the easiest drunk out of all of them, and six shots of soju would probably knock him out, or make him get on Heechul’s ‘pony’ and shout out some dirty things.
Hankyung stood back and admired his line of shots, and looked at Henry. “Nope, they’re for you.”
“WHAT?” Henry cried out. Henry realized that he was spazzing a lot in the past hour or so, but you didn’t walk into situations like these everyday.
“Oh, don’t worry, Teukie is being kept busy by Kangin,” the older boy told him and pointed towards the corner where Eeteuk and Kangin occupied. Kangin had abandoned the karaoke machine, but still held the microphone and was doing a pretty good rendition of spazzy!Heechul.
“SHAKE YOUR BOOTY … SHAKE YOUR BOOTY … SHAKE YOUR BOOOOOOTAY!” Kangin sang along to the Big Bang song (adding a few extra lines here and there) and flailing his arms like an octopus.
The two boys looked back towards the shot glasses. Watching Kangin wasn’t exactly the prettiest of scenes.
“Right, drink up!” Hankyung told the younger boy.
Henry looked at the shots, then to the scene of utter chaos in the living room, back to Hankyung and finally to the shots. He was pretty much the only sane person in the dorm. Being sane wasn’t very fun, Henry thought.
Henry looked at Hankyung and raised a shot to him, “Cheers.”
--
10 minutes later
“I’LL BE SEARCHIN FOR MY BAYBEEH … LALALALA … AT LEAST SHE KNOWS, SHE IS SO BOOTIFUL!” Henry was on top of the same table that Donghae and Heechul were on two hours ago, ‘dancing’ and trying to sing along. He was wearing Donghae’s tie and Heechul’s tutu, how that happened, he really didn’t know. But, what he did know was that he was a ridiculously easy drunk.
“It’s ‘THE ONE TO COME AND SAVE ME’, babo,” Heechul scoffed at the younger boy, as he watched Hankyung ride Shiwon. Heechul figured it was time for Hankyung to get some quality time with Shiwon, too.
Henry shrugged and continued his, if you could call it, dancing.
Henry had downed all six shots quickly, and probably had a bit more because he was feeling on top of the world and had the strangest urge to find a pony and comb its tassel like hair.
“S TO THE U TO THE J AND U! PLUS V.B. AS IN VIOLIN BOY!” Henry raised his hands in the air and waved them back and forth
“If you ever want to become a rapper, Henry, I am amazing with urban fashion,” Ryeowook said, as he observed Henry from below.
“If you need a mascot, you should use Mr. Bunny,” Sungmin suggested, holding out his massive pink rabbit.
“I’m sure that Kim Yu Ri would like to be in your future rap video, too,” Eunhyuk replied holding out his lampfriend. “She could be the next big star.”
Clearly, everyone had come out of their rooms to view drunk and rapper!Henry dancing on the tabletop.
“OK! It’s 2 minutes to midnight!” Eeteuk suddenly exclaimed, coming from a room with Kangin behind him. “Get in-HENRY! How many shots did you take?”
Henry stopped dancing and looked at the band umma. Henry held up his hands, trying to match the number 8 in his mind to the number of finger to hold up, but it really wasn’t working.
“Aish! Didn’t I tell you- “
“Teukie-ah! It’s practically midnight, deal with this tomorrow,” Kangin said, softly.
Eeteuk pursed his lips and nodded. “Fine, but YOU,” he pointed one finger (at least, Henry thought it was one) at him, “are in huge trouble, tomorrow.”
Henry nodded, in a daze. And vaguely realized that everyone was partnered up (save for Shiwon, Hankyung and Heechul, and Eunhyuk and his lampfriend) and he was left alone.
“YAH! Why is everyone partnered up? What am I supposed to do?” Henry asked with his arms on his hips and was still on top of the table.
The members of Super Junior all looked at one another, and in the background the television began the countdown from 10.
“10 SECONDS LEFT TILL NEW YEARS!” cried the announcer from the television.
All the member gave each other curious looks, and then back to Henry, and then back to looking at one another.
“FIVE …”
Eeteuk did a little wave of his hand, and some of the members nodded, while other looked confused.
“FOUR…”
Heechul did something wonky with his eye, and the confused members all nodded in understanding.
“THREE …”
All the members now looked at Henry with big smiles on their faces.
“TWO …”
They started making their way towards the centre where Henry stood on top of the table.
“ONE…”
All thirteen members tackled Henry off of the table and onto the sofa behind it.
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
Each member of Super Junior gave Henry a big, wet kiss on his face. Although, Henry swore someone copped a feel, and someone had kissed him on the lips, too.
“HAPPY NEW YEAR, HENRY!” they all shouted at him, after they had finished crushing him with their weight.
Henry tried to push himself out of the couch, but when thirteen grown men squish you in, it’s a bit hard to get out. Henry gave up and merely stayed in his position. Henry huffed looked up at the members, “Thanks.”
The members grinned and went back to their activities before the countdown. Eeteuk and Kangin went back for another attempt at karaoke with OOMPH. Heechul and Hankyung were both riding Shiwon now, and singing out the lyrics (I WAS FEELIN’ QUITE LURVLY). KyuHyun and Sungmin were probably in the room playing house. Ryeowook probably had picked out an entire new outfit for Yehsung, but Yehsung was probably insisting on wearing the leather pants. Donghae, most likely, was giving Kibum a private strip show. Shindong, probably, had joined Eunhyuk in the closet and getting aquainted with Kim Yu Ri.
Henry grinned. Although he was stuck in the sofa, he had to admit, it was one hell of a New Year’s Eve. If the saying, “You spend the new year like you spend you New Year’s eve,” then he was in for one hell of a new year.
-----
End Note: I apologize for killing any Big Bang songs for any of you. True story, at 1:19 on Together Forever, I swear I heard “I wanna lick your bum” >.<
Brent Kingston (the ~SUJU FANBOY~) is from henrysminihompy.
Yes, ending=cheese.
Rating: PG13
Categories: Pure crack and humour.
Characters: DrunkandCrackedup!SUJU (?), ConfusedandSpazzy!Henry
Summary: Henry spends his first New Year’s Eve in Korea with Super Junior. With the addition of tutus, Big Bang dirty lyrics and lampshades … total chaos ensues.
A/N: I would just like to say that I love Henry and Big Bang. And I love their new release: For the World, but really, BIG BANG! You boys are dirty =P You’re just asking for it. Written at an ungodly time of night when I should’ve been sleeping. Yes, I am on crack. And lots of sugar.
Henry Lau stood in front of the Super Junior dorm staring at the brown and plain door. He had been standing there for about 16 minutes with his luggage, having just arrived back from Canada, on New Year’s Eve to boot. Although, the time difference would probably mean that it was around 8 am in Canada, but he wasn’t sure if it was either the 30th or 31st back home. But his inability to calculate the time differences between Korea and Canada wasn’t why he was standing in front of the dorm like a total 12 year old who was scared to ring the doorbell of his crush’s house which would result in him kicking the girl’s mother’s flower pots, and running away in fear that the mother would force him to pay for them. Not that he had ever done that of course. Henry Lau was suave. He could play the violin, moonwalk and look sexy - at the same time, thank you very much. So, why was Henry Lau hesitating on entering the door? Well, the answer was simple.
Fear.
Yes, Henry Lau was completely scared shitless to enter the dorm. He had seen Super Junior with soju and karaoke on the weekends. It wasn’t a pretty sight. They weren’t even allowed to be drinking on the weekends. So now that Super Junior had an excuse to binge drink on soju (it being New Year’s Eve and all), Henry was a little bit scared to see what the effects would be.
Then again, it was extremely quiet in the hallway. He expected to hear loud music coming from the dorm, but it was completely silent. Unless, the crazy fangirls/fanboys had decided to ban together and raise money for soundproof pads for the Super Junior dorm, he was beginning to think that there might not even be anyone inside.
But, just as Henry was about to open the door, the door opened and an explosion of music hit his eardrums. Apparently, the fangirls/fanboys did buy Super Junior soundproof pads for their walls. Henry thought it was extremely unfair that they had sprouted out money for soundproof pads for Super Junior, when Henry clearly needed an iPod, new sound system (oh, yes, he was keeping up with Soompi and noticed that the Brian fangirls/boys had bought him an entirely new sound system), and while they were at it, a new violin case would be nice, too. Henry sighed. Life could be so unfair sometimes.
“AHH! HENRY!”
Henry looked up and remembered why he was here again. Eeteuk was smiling at him with his arms wide open, but he was wearing that ridiculous, baggy, “little Red Riding Hood” sweater again. Sometimes, Henry thought that Eeteuk was going to quit Super Junior one day and just come out with his own brand of big, baggy and feminine sweaters …for men.
“What are you doing out here? COME IN!” Eeteuk cried out over the music, and he pulled Henry in with the luggage.
Speaking of the music, it appeared to sound like a hip hop band that Henry liked, but never remembered the name of. As he listened closer, he realized that they were singing/rapping in English and it was DOWNRIGHT dirty. Were all translated Korean lyrics this raunchy? Henry shook his head and had the urge to cover his ears. His ‘Korean music turned raunchy English’ virginity was popped.
Once Henry’s shock of the corny (BABY, NOW YOU HAVE THE KEY TO MY HEART) and very suggestive (EVERYNIGHT, TURNING IN HEAT) lyrics, he took the time to take in the environment. Six minutes ago, he had been standing in front of the dorm room filled with fear as to what he would see. At the time, he thought he was overreacting. Now, that he was actually in the dorm … he realized he was being stupid, because obviously he was NOT overreacting. If anything, he was underreacting. He, definitely, should’ve done a better job at mentally preparing himself.
Heechul was wearing a pink tutu with a tiara and waving a wand while trying to sing along to the music. Donghae was right beside him, as well, and was slowly losing almost all of his clothing. But seeing as how Donghae liked to strip when he was drunk, it was understandable. There were a lot of empty soju bottles on the ground, meaning Donghae was very drunk. Oh, and did he mention that Heechul and Donghae were on top of the living room table while doing all of this?
Super Junior: table dancers. It had a nice ring to it, Henry had to admit.
Kibum was actually sitting at the sofa looking up at Heechul and Donghae with a drunken smile on his face. The two boys on the tabletop seemed to be vying for the quiet boy’s attention, and Donghae seemed to be winning. Henry really couldn’t blame him. If he had to choose between a man in a pink tutu set with a tiara or a lithe, muscled man wearing just boxers and a tie - well, he would pick boxers and tie over tutus any day.
“Okay, you know where everything is,” Eeteuk said, interrupting Henry’s observations, he had come back from throwing Henry’s luggage into one of the rooms, “I guess you can drink a bit of soju tonight, since it is for a special occasion.”
Henry stared at Eeteuk. Did the band’s umma, the caring and lovable UMMA, just tell Henry, the underaged, sound system-less, violinist, that he could drink?
Henry’s shock must have radiated through towards Eeteuk because he quickly said, “Only just a little bit!”
Henry nodded and noticed that most of Super Junior was missing. “Hyung, where’s the rest of the group?”
“Hmm?” Eeteuk asked, as he watched Kangin do a very bad rendition of Fly to the Sky’s Like a Man in front of the TV screen. It was a bit pointless because the raunchy English music playing was loud enough and Kangin was practically screaming instead of singing.
“The members?” Henry flailed his arms, “Where are they?”
“Oh, they’re around here, somewhere, you should probably check the closets,” Eeteuk said, without even looking at Henry, but instead his eye narrowed at Kangin karaokeing. “Kangin! It’s completely off tune! You need to put more OOMPH into the chorus!” And, he hurried off to show what putting OOMPH into a song really meant. When Eeteuk said ‘OOMPH’, he actually did a hip thrust. Yes, Super Junior actually do hip thrusts in real life and not just for show. Ryeowook once old him that doing 20 hip thrusts a day would allow him to keep his slim figure. This was during the early Don’t Don days and Henry actually believed them. So, everyday since Ryeowook had told him this tip, Henry would actually join 6 or 7 members in the morning, and do 20 hip thrusts. Ryeowook wasn’t lying! Despite all the snacks, noodles, spicy rice cakes and cakes, Henry still had his slim figure and it was all because of the intense hip thrusting with Super Junior.
Seeing that Eeteuk had left for some ‘oomphing’ with Kangin, that left Henry on his own which was a bit scary, because at any point in time, a random Super Junior member could pop out at him. He decided to take advantage of Eeteuk’s absence, and downed a shot of soju hoping that it would relieve him of his uneasiness. It didn’t.
He set the shot glass down and walked past Donghae (who was now only wearing boxers and Kibum was wearing his tie) and Heechul (who seemed to have forgotten that there were other people in the room because he was jumping up and down on the table screaming, “LALALALA~”) and walked towards a bedroom. Seeing as how he really didn’t spend that much time in the Super Junior dorm, he was faced with three doors that looked the exact same.
Henry randomly opened the first one and realized that it was not a bedroom, but rather a coat closet with a very drunk Eunhyuk on the floor holding a lampshade.
“Urm …”
“OH! HI HENRY! I didn’t know you were back!” Eunhyuk tried to stand up, but instead tripped over the coats that had fallen from the hangers.
“Are you okay?” Henry asked hesitantly, seeing that Eunhyuk was laughing outrageously at his own fall.
Eunhyuk waved him off, and stuck the lampshade in front of Henry’s face. “HENRY! I want you to meet Kim Yu Ri, isn’t she beautiful?” What was it with Super Junior and seriously yelling out Henry, caps lock style? It wasn’t like he was across the room, or deaf. Maybe they wanted Henry to feel special.
Henry looked at Eunhyuk and to the lampshade and back to Eunhyuk. “You mean the lampshade?”
Eunhyuk gave Henry a shocked expression and began to pet his lampshade, or girlfriend, or lampfriend? “Noooo!” he looked back down at the lampfriend. “Shhhh, you are not a lamp! We won’t say the l-word, okay?” and he looked back up, “Do you see a l-word here? All there is, is this pretty girl in my arms!” Eunhyuk said matter of factly, and shook the lampshade in front of his face so that the tassels hit him. “Oh, sorry, she has really long and soft hair.”
Henry continued to stare at Eunhyuk as he began to stroke the tassels as if they were hair. He watched as Eunhyuk began to nuzzle the lamp shade and said loving words to it, such as, “You are so gorgeous~” Henry was starting to feel like a voyeur - a creepy voyeur - as he stared at Eunhyuk and his lampfriend.
“Uh, yeah, I’ll just leave you two alone,” Henry said, as he began to close the closet door.
Eunhyuk waved bye to him, never taking his eyes off of his beautiful Kim Yu Ri.
Henry shut the closet door behind him with a puzzled face. He hoped Eunhyuk and Yu Ri didn’t do more than nuzzle and kiss tonight.
He opened up another door and to his relief, it was a bedroom. But, this bedroom held a leather pants clad Yehsung, Ryeowook critiquing the pants and a big pile of clothes in the centre. The two boys saw Henry and yelled out to him, caps locks style, as usual. Hesitantly, Henry made his way towards the two boys.
“Umm, what are you doing?” Henry was almost afraid to ask the question.
Yehsung stood in front of the mirror, adjusting his bangs so they fell perfectly across his forehead. “Getting ready for the performance, tomorrow,” he said matter of factly.
Henry raised an eyebrow and looked towards a clock. “But, it’s only 11 o’clock, isn’t the performance in … I don’t know … eleven hours?”
“Exactly! There’s not enough time, at all! Eleven hours to look my best. We’re going to be the first idols that people see in 2008! Do you know how much pressure that is?” Yehsung exclaimed to Henry, and then tried to walk in his leather pants, but was very unsuccessful. “These are really tight, Ryeowook!”
Ryeowook sat on the bed with his arms crossed, and a finger tapping his temple and staring at Yehsung’s pants thoughtfully. “They look very nice, and they really slim your thighs, maybe you should just sleep in them tonight and wear them in.”
Yehsung stretched out his left leg and then his right leg, and was now walking in massive steps around the room in tight, leather pants. “Okay, that’s a good idea.”
Ryeowook smiled and looked towards Henry. “HENRY! I like your outfit.”
Henry looked down at his grey sweatpants, white T-shirt and a very fobby black jacket that Brent Kingston had bought for him for Christmas and insisted that he wear it back to Korea. “Uh, thanks,” he replied, “I like yours too, especially the very shiny gold peacoat, skinny dark jeans and converses.”
Ryeowook beamed. “Oh, it was nothing, I just threw it on.” ‘Threw it on’ in Ryeowook speak meant ‘I coordinated this outfit with my hairstyle and eyeliner 2 days ago to look better than you. HAHA.’
Another 15 minutes of watching Yehsung style his hair (hey, Henry’s hair was similar to Yehsung and he needed tips on how to tame the mess on his head) and Ryeowook talking about what everyone should wear tomorrow, Henry felt it was time to go. “Okay,” Henry began, “I think I’m going to go back outside, now.”
“Okay, HENRY!” Ryewook waved him off. “But, remember, I think you should swear that black vest with the long sleeved blue striped shirt with those dark jeans, okay?”
“Yah! And you only have ten and a half hours to get ready, and no offence, but you’re going to need all of those ten and a half hours,” Yehsung said without taking his eyes away from the mirror.
Henry rolled his eyes. “There’s a thing called sleep, you know.”
“Yes, and there’s a thing called coffee, magnificent thing, really.”
Henry shook his head and left the room, once again exposed to the music (DAMN HOMIE, YOU PHONY), and tried the last room. Praying that it was empty and Eunhyuk wasn’t there going to the next level with Yu Ri. He opened the door, and realized that either God really hated him or really liked to see him squirm. Eunhyuk wasn’t in the room, but Kyuhyun and Sungmin were. KyuMin were something of an item, as you can tell from the creativity of combining their two names, together. Although, Henry really couldn’t see why because Sungmin was cute, frilly, and pinchable, whereas Kyuhyun may have been the most sane person (maybe, it was because he joined Super Junior a bit late) in the house and seemed really indifferent to almost everything. The saying “opposites attract” definitely refered to those two.
“HENRY!” Sungmin cried out when he saw him standing at the doorway. From his pile of stuffed white and pink animals, he threw a massive pink bear (how a short boy like Sungmin had the strength to throw something half of his height, Henry would never know) in his direction which almost knocked the life out of him.
“OMPHHH!” Henry cried out as the bear hit him squarely in the chest.
“Oh! Are you okay?” Sungmin asked from across the room.
“Yeah, yeah,” Henry reassured him and walked towards the two boys. Kyuhyun and Sungmin were seated in a circle with around 6 stuffed animals. In the centre was a teapot and 9 small glasses. “What’s going on?” he asked, as he took a seat next to Kyuhyun.
Sungmin clapped his hands together. “We’re having a tea party! Henry, meet Mr. Bunny, Cuddles, Puddles, Mrs. Bunny (she’s not sitting beside Mr. Bunny because they’re in a fight), Peaches, and PomPom! WAVE!”
Henry looked at Sungmin’s expectant gaze and he did a small wave at the six stuff animals.
Sungmin beamed and started to pour the liquid out of the teapot and into the small cups.
Henry leaned towards Kyuhyun and whispered, “Is that really tea?”
Kyuhyun smirked with a dark glint in his eyes, “I spiked it with soju, Sungmin will be out of it before 1 am.”
Henry widened his eyes at Kyuhyun’s comment, “What?”
“You try playing tea party for five hours completely sober!” Kyuhyun whispered back.
Henry nodded in understanding. Sungmin could get pretty serious and intense when playing tea party.
It wasn’t until Henry noticed that he was actually talking to Peaches about how her day was, that he realized he was going a little bit crazy, or the soju was getting to his head. That was when he came to the conclusion that it was time to get out of Sungmin’s tea party and regain some sanity. He left a reluctant Sungmin and a very dazed Kyuhyun in his wake, and said good bye to each of Sungmin’s friends.
If Henry was expecting to gain some sanity in the living room, he was in for a surprise.
“Oh, my GOD! What are you people doing?” Henry cried out when he saw the scene in the living room, but clearly no one had heard him.
“SHE ALWAYS WANTS TO RIDE MY PONY! OWW~ YO YO!” Heechul sang, or screamed out, along with the song. It should be noted that when Heechul said “OWW” he said it in the way Michael Jackson usually yelled out after a line or two in a song.
Currently, Shiwon was on all fours and a very hysterical Heechul was on him, as if Shiwon was his pony. Heechul was waving his pink tutu in the air like a lasso and screaming out his broken English. “MY BABY SAYS IT GET REWL TONIGHT! I’M GON DO HER RWITE!”
Shiwon was on the bottom (was Henry really surprised?) and making an assortment of facial expressions. Henry really didn’t know it was possible to make that much variety of faces while being ridden by Kim Heechul. He learned something new everyday.
Shindong was right behind Shiwon, most likely drunk out of his mind, because his dance moves consisted of the robot, a long pause, and the raise the roof move, and then he started to do the Monster Mash. It was really ugly.
“I WANNA LICK HER BUM~” Heechul crooned out.
“OHMYGOD?! WHAT?!” Henry exclaimed.
Heechul stopped his singing and stared at Henry. “Oh, HI HENRY!” he exclaimed and jumped off of Shiwon (“OMFPH!”) and hurried towards Henry.
“Uh, hi,” Henry said, “what did you just sing?”
Heechul stepped back into his tutu and pulled it around his small waist. “Oh, uh, I’m not sure,” Heechul turned to Shiwon, “Rewind the song!”
Shiwon made a hand gesture symbolizing, ‘why me’, but went to rewind the song. The familiar tune played back and Heechul sang out, “I WANNA LICK HER BUM!”
Henry stared at Heechul with an expression that clearly read ‘WTF’, and told the older boy, “I think he said, ‘as I look above’.”
Heechul laughed at Henry. “Oh, Henry, I know you’ve only been here in Korea for a few months, but I’m sure that I know the meaning of Big Bang’s lyrics.”
“AH! BIG BANG! THAT’S THEIR NAME!” Henry suddenly cried out. “But, wait, why are they singing in English?”
“They just released their Japanese debut,” Shindong said, appearing simply out of no where, and still continuing his odd combination of the robot and Macarena dance.
“And, it’s in English?” Henry said.
“Yes.”
“So, they released this album in Japan, and it’s their first debut in Japan, and the entire album is in English?”
“Yep!”
“Oh,” Henry said, but nothing really made sense. Why would they release an album in English when it was set for a Japanese release? Henry turned to Heechul to argue that 18 year old Korean boys would not be writing such explicit lyrics, but Heechul was back on Shiwon and singing the next line.
“MAKE IT LIKE ECSTASCY! … SAY MY NAME SOFTLY! .. TAKE IT DOWN SOUTH, BABY!” Heechul sang, clearly not knowing what he was singing.
Henry stared in shock. Clearly, he was wrong, 18 year old Korean boys COULD write explicit lyrics because he definitely just heard what Heechul sang coming from the speakers. Henry felt like the innocent and naïve world he lived in was crashing down on him, and it only took one and a half hours. Damn Super Junior.
“HENRY!” Hankyung suddenly popped out from behind the counter. It really was true, Super Junior members spontaneously popped out of no where, all the time.
“Oh, hi,” he replied, he then looked towards Hankyung pouring a shot of soju, back to Heechul and Shiwon and back to Hankyung. “Uh, hyung, aren’t you and Shiwon seeing one another?”
Hankyung looked up from his soju and looked in Shiwon’s direction. “Yep!” and he went back to pouring a second shot.
“But, don’t you see Heechul riding Shiwon?” Henry asked, tentatively.
Hankyung nodded, without even looking up and pouring a third shot.
“And you don’t care?” Henry asked, getting a bit impatient. Did the China man show no inkling of feelings, at all?
“Oh, not really,” said Hangkyung, pouring the fourth shot. “As long as it’s Heechul, it’s okay.”
Henry widened his eyes. “WHAT? Is Heechul blackmailing you or something? You have to give Shiwon over to him at any time?” Heechul was a really sadistic bastard, sometimes.
Hankyung laughed, and poured the fifth shot. “No, Shiwon and I have an open relationship with Heechul.”
Henry blinked. “An open relationship?”
“Shiwon and I are together, but if Heechul happens to be in the mood for either of us or both, then he’s welcome to join,” Hankyung said, but suddenly looked up, “Eeteuk gave you the talk about boys liking one another, right? I hope he gave you the talk about three boys liking one another, too.”
Henry gave a horrified look because the memories of the talk with Eeteuk began to resurface. It had to be the most uncomfortable conversation in his life.
Henry nodded, slowly.
“Oh, good!” Hankyung said relieved and poured the sixth shot, and he lined the shots up neatly.
“Are you going to drink all of that?” Henry asked. Hankyung was possibly the easiest drunk out of all of them, and six shots of soju would probably knock him out, or make him get on Heechul’s ‘pony’ and shout out some dirty things.
Hankyung stood back and admired his line of shots, and looked at Henry. “Nope, they’re for you.”
“WHAT?” Henry cried out. Henry realized that he was spazzing a lot in the past hour or so, but you didn’t walk into situations like these everyday.
“Oh, don’t worry, Teukie is being kept busy by Kangin,” the older boy told him and pointed towards the corner where Eeteuk and Kangin occupied. Kangin had abandoned the karaoke machine, but still held the microphone and was doing a pretty good rendition of spazzy!Heechul.
“SHAKE YOUR BOOTY … SHAKE YOUR BOOTY … SHAKE YOUR BOOOOOOTAY!” Kangin sang along to the Big Bang song (adding a few extra lines here and there) and flailing his arms like an octopus.
The two boys looked back towards the shot glasses. Watching Kangin wasn’t exactly the prettiest of scenes.
“Right, drink up!” Hankyung told the younger boy.
Henry looked at the shots, then to the scene of utter chaos in the living room, back to Hankyung and finally to the shots. He was pretty much the only sane person in the dorm. Being sane wasn’t very fun, Henry thought.
Henry looked at Hankyung and raised a shot to him, “Cheers.”
--
10 minutes later
“I’LL BE SEARCHIN FOR MY BAYBEEH … LALALALA … AT LEAST SHE KNOWS, SHE IS SO BOOTIFUL!” Henry was on top of the same table that Donghae and Heechul were on two hours ago, ‘dancing’ and trying to sing along. He was wearing Donghae’s tie and Heechul’s tutu, how that happened, he really didn’t know. But, what he did know was that he was a ridiculously easy drunk.
“It’s ‘THE ONE TO COME AND SAVE ME’, babo,” Heechul scoffed at the younger boy, as he watched Hankyung ride Shiwon. Heechul figured it was time for Hankyung to get some quality time with Shiwon, too.
Henry shrugged and continued his, if you could call it, dancing.
Henry had downed all six shots quickly, and probably had a bit more because he was feeling on top of the world and had the strangest urge to find a pony and comb its tassel like hair.
“S TO THE U TO THE J AND U! PLUS V.B. AS IN VIOLIN BOY!” Henry raised his hands in the air and waved them back and forth
“If you ever want to become a rapper, Henry, I am amazing with urban fashion,” Ryeowook said, as he observed Henry from below.
“If you need a mascot, you should use Mr. Bunny,” Sungmin suggested, holding out his massive pink rabbit.
“I’m sure that Kim Yu Ri would like to be in your future rap video, too,” Eunhyuk replied holding out his lampfriend. “She could be the next big star.”
Clearly, everyone had come out of their rooms to view drunk and rapper!Henry dancing on the tabletop.
“OK! It’s 2 minutes to midnight!” Eeteuk suddenly exclaimed, coming from a room with Kangin behind him. “Get in-HENRY! How many shots did you take?”
Henry stopped dancing and looked at the band umma. Henry held up his hands, trying to match the number 8 in his mind to the number of finger to hold up, but it really wasn’t working.
“Aish! Didn’t I tell you- “
“Teukie-ah! It’s practically midnight, deal with this tomorrow,” Kangin said, softly.
Eeteuk pursed his lips and nodded. “Fine, but YOU,” he pointed one finger (at least, Henry thought it was one) at him, “are in huge trouble, tomorrow.”
Henry nodded, in a daze. And vaguely realized that everyone was partnered up (save for Shiwon, Hankyung and Heechul, and Eunhyuk and his lampfriend) and he was left alone.
“YAH! Why is everyone partnered up? What am I supposed to do?” Henry asked with his arms on his hips and was still on top of the table.
The members of Super Junior all looked at one another, and in the background the television began the countdown from 10.
“10 SECONDS LEFT TILL NEW YEARS!” cried the announcer from the television.
All the member gave each other curious looks, and then back to Henry, and then back to looking at one another.
“FIVE …”
Eeteuk did a little wave of his hand, and some of the members nodded, while other looked confused.
“FOUR…”
Heechul did something wonky with his eye, and the confused members all nodded in understanding.
“THREE …”
All the members now looked at Henry with big smiles on their faces.
“TWO …”
They started making their way towards the centre where Henry stood on top of the table.
“ONE…”
All thirteen members tackled Henry off of the table and onto the sofa behind it.
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
Each member of Super Junior gave Henry a big, wet kiss on his face. Although, Henry swore someone copped a feel, and someone had kissed him on the lips, too.
“HAPPY NEW YEAR, HENRY!” they all shouted at him, after they had finished crushing him with their weight.
Henry tried to push himself out of the couch, but when thirteen grown men squish you in, it’s a bit hard to get out. Henry gave up and merely stayed in his position. Henry huffed looked up at the members, “Thanks.”
The members grinned and went back to their activities before the countdown. Eeteuk and Kangin went back for another attempt at karaoke with OOMPH. Heechul and Hankyung were both riding Shiwon now, and singing out the lyrics (I WAS FEELIN’ QUITE LURVLY). KyuHyun and Sungmin were probably in the room playing house. Ryeowook probably had picked out an entire new outfit for Yehsung, but Yehsung was probably insisting on wearing the leather pants. Donghae, most likely, was giving Kibum a private strip show. Shindong, probably, had joined Eunhyuk in the closet and getting aquainted with Kim Yu Ri.
Henry grinned. Although he was stuck in the sofa, he had to admit, it was one hell of a New Year’s Eve. If the saying, “You spend the new year like you spend you New Year’s eve,” then he was in for one hell of a new year.
-----
End Note: I apologize for killing any Big Bang songs for any of you. True story, at 1:19 on Together Forever, I swear I heard “I wanna lick your bum” >.<
Brent Kingston (the ~SUJU FANBOY~) is from henrysminihompy.
Yes, ending=cheese.