Psyche-Lock on the Heart
Holy tits, TOD is back! Kind of. I was checking the email of a hotmail account I don't use anymore, and I just happened to see some message referencing my old diary. So I checked it out, and yeah...if you go to Open Diary, and then go down to the bottom, there's a TOD area where you can login to your old diary. You can't alter anything, but you can import it to OD, and everything is preserved.
This is revelationary. This takes me back seven years. April 2nd, 2002. My first entry under this new diary, which replaced one started in August or September 2001 that I deleted to get away from some drama and some friends that had by proxy turned me into a shitty person. 2002. Back then. When the formative blueprint of myself was first formed. I am different now...Bitter. Delirious. Poisonous. Still, many of my traits were formed back then. I was naive, I was very interdependent, I was very connected with others.
In fact, I'm pretty sure the only 3 people that I really still keep in contact with here on LJ I all originally met on TOD. Maybe one was OD. So that's pretty significant. I have friends that I've known for eight years, all from TOD, people I've never met online. People that are ghosts, apparations, shadows at this point, complete strangers. Yet back then, I was not confident, I was walled off to the outside world, and even to my close friends. My online diary was the only place I spilled my feelings. It was when I first started writing songs, and posting them for feedback. They were horrible and basic, but the encouragement kept me going.
This was a bad time to find this...I'm trying to kill off all my feelings. Love, Trust, Sentimentality. I don't need them, they're only holding me back right now. Unearthing all these memories will definitely halt that progress. Back then my heart was on my sleeve. Now I've shoved it back within my chest, and I'm trying to place a lock on it so that it can't be touched.
This is revelationary. This takes me back seven years. April 2nd, 2002. My first entry under this new diary, which replaced one started in August or September 2001 that I deleted to get away from some drama and some friends that had by proxy turned me into a shitty person. 2002. Back then. When the formative blueprint of myself was first formed. I am different now...Bitter. Delirious. Poisonous. Still, many of my traits were formed back then. I was naive, I was very interdependent, I was very connected with others.
In fact, I'm pretty sure the only 3 people that I really still keep in contact with here on LJ I all originally met on TOD. Maybe one was OD. So that's pretty significant. I have friends that I've known for eight years, all from TOD, people I've never met online. People that are ghosts, apparations, shadows at this point, complete strangers. Yet back then, I was not confident, I was walled off to the outside world, and even to my close friends. My online diary was the only place I spilled my feelings. It was when I first started writing songs, and posting them for feedback. They were horrible and basic, but the encouragement kept me going.
This was a bad time to find this...I'm trying to kill off all my feelings. Love, Trust, Sentimentality. I don't need them, they're only holding me back right now. Unearthing all these memories will definitely halt that progress. Back then my heart was on my sleeve. Now I've shoved it back within my chest, and I'm trying to place a lock on it so that it can't be touched.