woe is this stupid livejournal
well it's 2:36, apprx, and i have to get up at 8 o clock.
I want to write something really good before I go to sleep, though. I feel like I need to. I owe it to myself. I want to make a difference somehow.
I want to make a difference.
I don't want to be in college. I want to be myself, and not fall into the huge oversized blanket that is labeled "college kid". I am not that, i will never be. I know that when i am 40 years old i will wish i seized the day in my college years, and partied every day, and had sex every day. I know i will wish i did these things, but i have no interest in doing that now.
Maybe i am in over my head.
Maybe i should go home and become an auto mechanic. Or a phone utility man. I love phones.
I just want to be something that i want to be, not what this society wants me to be. This isn't me begging to be a rebel, just the real me screaming out in livejournal form.
I don't want to do that survey because I'm getting tired of viewing it. Everyone has answered every funny little clever answer imaginable to every one of those questions, so its pointless to fill it out becuase all the good witty retorts to those dumb questions have been used up.
I want to do something really good and get out there and do it, but im afraid to. This city freightens me i think, and so does this school even.
I just want to be myself. That was my objective coming here. I think ive been myself maybe 10 days out of the 36 i've been here. This low, low percentage needs to grow or I'm going to legitamately go insane.
Ally talked to me today, and helped me out a lot. It's just my nature to overthink things and convince myself everything I do is bad or wrong. I will get over it.
I love doing creative things, but i convince myself that i have to, and that puts pressure on me, so i do a bad job. There's something seriously wrong with me.
And no, i've never gone skinny dipping. Unless you count all those times i went skinny dipping as skinny dipping.
plus i forward bragging is a big sign of insecurity.
I want to write something really good before I go to sleep, though. I feel like I need to. I owe it to myself. I want to make a difference somehow.
I want to make a difference.
I don't want to be in college. I want to be myself, and not fall into the huge oversized blanket that is labeled "college kid". I am not that, i will never be. I know that when i am 40 years old i will wish i seized the day in my college years, and partied every day, and had sex every day. I know i will wish i did these things, but i have no interest in doing that now.
Maybe i am in over my head.
Maybe i should go home and become an auto mechanic. Or a phone utility man. I love phones.
I just want to be something that i want to be, not what this society wants me to be. This isn't me begging to be a rebel, just the real me screaming out in livejournal form.
I don't want to do that survey because I'm getting tired of viewing it. Everyone has answered every funny little clever answer imaginable to every one of those questions, so its pointless to fill it out becuase all the good witty retorts to those dumb questions have been used up.
I want to do something really good and get out there and do it, but im afraid to. This city freightens me i think, and so does this school even.
I just want to be myself. That was my objective coming here. I think ive been myself maybe 10 days out of the 36 i've been here. This low, low percentage needs to grow or I'm going to legitamately go insane.
Ally talked to me today, and helped me out a lot. It's just my nature to overthink things and convince myself everything I do is bad or wrong. I will get over it.
I love doing creative things, but i convince myself that i have to, and that puts pressure on me, so i do a bad job. There's something seriously wrong with me.
And no, i've never gone skinny dipping. Unless you count all those times i went skinny dipping as skinny dipping.
plus i forward bragging is a big sign of insecurity.