(no subject)
i don't understand why i feel so wrong for doing the right thing. i've never realized how many things there are that i dislike about myself. i suppose i've never seen them before. for the first time in my life, i honestly feel as if i need to change. it's difficult for me to stick to my guns, but for the first time in my life, i did. unfortunately, it has made me realize that i am so unhappy with myself. i don't like that i smoke. i don't like drinking. i don't know why i do so many things that i do. i disgust myself just thinking about it. i felt like a complete tool for asking to go home, but i really felt uncomfortable for the first time. i just don't like that i'm selling myself out for such a cheap price. i know i'm better than the way i've been treating myself. i actually feel physically sick just thinking about it. i don't know if i this is the mental/emotional breakdown that is supposed to change everything, but something has got to give. i can't do this anymore.
i quit.
i quit.