(no subject)
sometimes i forget so much more than i even realize. because so many things happened so long ago, and i've developed into such a different person now than i was then. so many things aren't forced or struggled for anymore, it just comes natural. it's just what happens. after fighting so hard for so long, and holding on and on and on, you grow into the person you have been fighting to become. you don't have to keep clinging quite as tightly, and so many of the things that you have been fighting against eventually just begin to fade away.
but as this happens, it becomes really easy to forget about that struggle and the fight and all the things that hurt like hell on the way to getting where you are now. about the lonely and broken down and washed out, and all the times of holding on for dear life when nothing would be easier than to just drift off and fade away. all the things that were most important in making you who you are, and getting you to the point where you are at.
it's easy to simplify everything, and in trying to relate (particularly to someone going through what you have through in the past), to just skip over how fucking hard certain things can be for people. it's just that it's really hard to throw yourself back into a time and place that makes you so shakey and weak and unsure of most everything in the world. into a time and place that is just so strained and tiring, and very rarely easy to deal with.
but i do understand. and i'm sorry that i forget, and don't always provide the empathy and support that i really should.
and i would certainly never look down on someone for giving out or in or running out of strength and steam. and i would certainly never want to stand in the way of you changing in any way that you see fit, or any way that lessons the pain or makes life more bearable for you.
but i have always had the deepest of love and respect and admiration for people who found a way to withstand, and to hold on to the streak and spark, even when everything around then was fading off and away and growing dim. those who never internalized everything that was going on around them- the competition, the dishonesty, the hurtful words and actions.... the letting anything other than what truely matters matter. those who still retained something so pure. in their heart and in their motives. in their words and in their actions. those who stayed young even when the world around them grew old. you can hear it in their voice and you can see it in their eyes. you can feel it in their presence. their is something so pure and so full of life and something that can touch you so deeply, just from simplest of interactions.
and as i said, i would never expect anything from you than whatever it is you are and become, and i would never want to hold you back.... but i wont lie. you have something golden. and it would mean the world to me and then some, and make continuing to breath a whole lot easier for me, if you could find a way to keep it.
and if there is ever anything i can do to help, i will be here every step of the way. even if i have to take some with you on my back. please never hesitate on a single word.
love always,
david
but as this happens, it becomes really easy to forget about that struggle and the fight and all the things that hurt like hell on the way to getting where you are now. about the lonely and broken down and washed out, and all the times of holding on for dear life when nothing would be easier than to just drift off and fade away. all the things that were most important in making you who you are, and getting you to the point where you are at.
it's easy to simplify everything, and in trying to relate (particularly to someone going through what you have through in the past), to just skip over how fucking hard certain things can be for people. it's just that it's really hard to throw yourself back into a time and place that makes you so shakey and weak and unsure of most everything in the world. into a time and place that is just so strained and tiring, and very rarely easy to deal with.
but i do understand. and i'm sorry that i forget, and don't always provide the empathy and support that i really should.
and i would certainly never look down on someone for giving out or in or running out of strength and steam. and i would certainly never want to stand in the way of you changing in any way that you see fit, or any way that lessons the pain or makes life more bearable for you.
but i have always had the deepest of love and respect and admiration for people who found a way to withstand, and to hold on to the streak and spark, even when everything around then was fading off and away and growing dim. those who never internalized everything that was going on around them- the competition, the dishonesty, the hurtful words and actions.... the letting anything other than what truely matters matter. those who still retained something so pure. in their heart and in their motives. in their words and in their actions. those who stayed young even when the world around them grew old. you can hear it in their voice and you can see it in their eyes. you can feel it in their presence. their is something so pure and so full of life and something that can touch you so deeply, just from simplest of interactions.
and as i said, i would never expect anything from you than whatever it is you are and become, and i would never want to hold you back.... but i wont lie. you have something golden. and it would mean the world to me and then some, and make continuing to breath a whole lot easier for me, if you could find a way to keep it.
and if there is ever anything i can do to help, i will be here every step of the way. even if i have to take some with you on my back. please never hesitate on a single word.
love always,
david