Reminiscence
Sometimes when I look back on the past year, I can see how much things have changed. I'm going to try and write this down as coherently as I can. It's only a matter of time before I start to cry. But here I go.
So many of us have branched off into directions. Best friends forever. It may have been sincere, but was it really true? Most of us are staying here, some of us are leaving. I'm leaving. Six hours by car, two by plane. It's not far, but it is. The friendships I've built since first grade are going to become even more distant, some nonexistant. I'll have to build new ones. I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know if I want to do it. I don't know if I can.
I'm going to be dropped into an element where I know absolutely no one. No friends, no family. It's going to be a whole new life. I'm not good with making friends. It's never been easy for me to just go up and talk to someone. I may not seem shy, but deep down I really am. Even so, I'm more upset about the fact of leaving everyone. Last night, having everyone together, I really missed that. How many of those nights are there going to be, ever? I'm not scared about living on my own, because I know I can take care of myself. I may not be able to cook or make coffee, but I know how to dial the number for takeout, or go into Starbucks and order a cappucino. I'll survive. But at what price?
I don't want to leave. I want to leave to stimulate my educational experience, learn new things. But there's so many things here I'm going to miss.
I feel that I'm wasting away the last year of my high school life. I like this kid, but I don't think I'll ever work up enough nerve to tell him that. We're only friends, and I'm sure that's all he thinks of me. I'm leaving in 6 months. It may seem so far away, but it's really not. I want to be with him. I think it could really work out. I'm too fucking shy and insecure to ever do anything about it though. I want to write him a letter. Maybe I'll give it to him at graduation. I can't leave without letting him know that I've felt this way. But who knows, maybe things will work out before then. Maybe I'll work up enough strength to just tell him, and put myself out there. Maybe it's just wishful thinking. I don't want to tell him and make things awkward. I think that is the major reason why I haven't said anything, and I'm not sure that I will. I like coming to school to see him. And I have so much fun in class because of him. I can't believe I'm letting this precious time slip away because of my insecurity, but I don't know how to stop it.
I'm not sure why I've become so emotional and nostalgic all of a sudden. There's so much more that I want to write, so many more things I need to think and sort through. Seventeen years of my life have been spent here. I'm not talking about Greece, because I know I'll continue to go back there for the rest of my life. That's something that will never change. Ever. Family is family, and that's something I treasure. But my friends have become my family as well. There's so many of them that I don't want to leave. Gradutation is going to be tough.
Trying to move on is going to be even tougher.
So many of us have branched off into directions. Best friends forever. It may have been sincere, but was it really true? Most of us are staying here, some of us are leaving. I'm leaving. Six hours by car, two by plane. It's not far, but it is. The friendships I've built since first grade are going to become even more distant, some nonexistant. I'll have to build new ones. I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know if I want to do it. I don't know if I can.
I'm going to be dropped into an element where I know absolutely no one. No friends, no family. It's going to be a whole new life. I'm not good with making friends. It's never been easy for me to just go up and talk to someone. I may not seem shy, but deep down I really am. Even so, I'm more upset about the fact of leaving everyone. Last night, having everyone together, I really missed that. How many of those nights are there going to be, ever? I'm not scared about living on my own, because I know I can take care of myself. I may not be able to cook or make coffee, but I know how to dial the number for takeout, or go into Starbucks and order a cappucino. I'll survive. But at what price?
I don't want to leave. I want to leave to stimulate my educational experience, learn new things. But there's so many things here I'm going to miss.
I feel that I'm wasting away the last year of my high school life. I like this kid, but I don't think I'll ever work up enough nerve to tell him that. We're only friends, and I'm sure that's all he thinks of me. I'm leaving in 6 months. It may seem so far away, but it's really not. I want to be with him. I think it could really work out. I'm too fucking shy and insecure to ever do anything about it though. I want to write him a letter. Maybe I'll give it to him at graduation. I can't leave without letting him know that I've felt this way. But who knows, maybe things will work out before then. Maybe I'll work up enough strength to just tell him, and put myself out there. Maybe it's just wishful thinking. I don't want to tell him and make things awkward. I think that is the major reason why I haven't said anything, and I'm not sure that I will. I like coming to school to see him. And I have so much fun in class because of him. I can't believe I'm letting this precious time slip away because of my insecurity, but I don't know how to stop it.
I'm not sure why I've become so emotional and nostalgic all of a sudden. There's so much more that I want to write, so many more things I need to think and sort through. Seventeen years of my life have been spent here. I'm not talking about Greece, because I know I'll continue to go back there for the rest of my life. That's something that will never change. Ever. Family is family, and that's something I treasure. But my friends have become my family as well. There's so many of them that I don't want to leave. Gradutation is going to be tough.
Trying to move on is going to be even tougher.