Out Of Control (2009) - Part 3
He grinned back at me, giving me a look of relief. Just then I realized how much worry I must have caused him by ignoring him and the rest of the group. I felt sorry right then. Guilt was whelming up almost bursting out of me but I stopped that feeling before it could reach the surface.
I wasn’t allowed to tell him what happened.
I suddenly wished to hold him close and immediately did like I felt to do.
Throwing myself into his arms and received almost right away a hug from him. Snuggling up to him I could hear him asking me the question I wished he wouldn’t ask.
“What was with you today? Were you sick of us and wanted to get away?”, he demanded for an answer but the worry was present.
“No, hyung. Don’t you ever think that. I love you guys, you know.”
A low laughter could be heard which caused me to smile silently. Well, it was true up to a certain point.
“What was it then?”
He was waiting for an answer but all I could give him was a shrug of my shoulders and an uncertain response.
“I just wasn’t myself today. I feel a bit weird these days.“
I tried hard to talk carefree, maybe also trying to make myself belive in those words, but it was in vain.
He sighed in response and let me go to stand up and change his clothes.
I followed his example. The whole time I sent prayers to god to let me have a good sleep tonight.
Finally we settled us into bed. The lamps were turned off and once again I could feel my hyung pulling me into his arms. I knew that if he would touch me again I wouldn’t be able to do anything, so I just let myself fall into his arms like I used to do.
I didn’t know when I made up my mind but maybe I just realised that I could joke with him and talk to him as if nothing happened. The usual chitchat and the causal touchy actions stood unchanged. Only the way I saw things from a different perspective was what felt slightly different.
But this was worth it if it meant to be able to be with him without worrying him.
So here we go. I tried to ease up my muscles to be able to sleep when I felt his hands moving on their own. I glanced at Jiyong-hyungs face just to see him sleep comfortably. So he was really not aware of what he was doing. I almost anticipated his moves.
The hands on my waist went down, slowly wandering over my butt and grabing them. This time he just grabbed them tightly, pulling me slightly towards him. I wasn’t able to close my eyes even once. My face got hot and chills ran down my spine. He was massaging my butt for surely over a minute now. Yesterday he gave up on it faster.
Suddenly I could feel his hands go up again but wait, no only one hand wandered up. I was full of tension trying to guess where he wanted to stop next. But I didn’t foresee that. His hand slightly tugged on my tanktop before it snapped up, pulling the cloth with him.
Because of the shock I backened away from him but instead I landed on my back. His hand on my butt disappeared. Everything happened so fast that it took time for me to realise in which position I was now.
Shocked I found one half of me being wrapped up with Jiyong-hyung.
His arm was lying across my upperhalf and my legs were wrapped in between his legs. I looked down my body just to see his one hand caressing my stomache and wandering up my sides. My head fell backwards everytime his hand would go down and would rest dangerously near my pants for a short while or he would rub on my hipbone. I could feel myself getting hotter and hotter. But before it could escalate his actions would stop. I was thankful for that but soon I realised that this wasn’t the only night when his actions would become more dangerous. The following nights got harder and harder to deal with.
And the next morning it got even harder to play the carefree magnae.
I knew that the others could feel that something strange was happening with me. I started twitching everytime I got into a physical contact. This truly wasn’t normal and even I worried. I worried about how long I would be able to hold myself back. My emotions were swimming so close under the surface that I just wanted to explode.
Hyung did let his fingers wander over every part of my body. Over every sensitive place. Last night his hands wandered between my legs. Caressing my inner thighs. The night before yesterday it was my chest he took interest in.
But this time it truly escalated.
Hyung’s fingers started wandering around like the last few days but now he was leaning on me more and without warning his hands started caressing my lap. I couldn’t hold back a low moan. His hand went up again to my relief only to pull up my tanktop. But it wasn’t a relief at all. He especially took interest in my nipples. Biting on my tounge I tried to hold back from getting hard slowly. But this was a very difficult task to overcome. And it wasn’t really helpful when he pinched into them, making my body jerk up a little. He suddenly went down again.
My head got cloudy but I could almost foresee what would happen next.
His fingers smoothly slid down my stomache until they met with the fabric of my pants. My breath hitched when his hand slid under the cloth. My whole body felt hot and sweat started to form on my forehead.
I knew that I loved the way he touched me. I knew that I was craving for his touches lately. But I also… I also knew…
“Fuck…”
This wasn’t right. I didn’t want him to do those things when they actually didn’t have a deeper meaning. My face heated up from all this thinking.
I knew that I was in love with hyung. But I still didn’t dare to even think about it clearly.
“A-aah…” A low moan escaped my mouth when his hand reached my cock. I couldn’t deal with this anymore. I didn’t want this to happen the next days anymore! I just couldn’t hold it in anymore!!!
“Hyung.”, I whimpered, feeling tears swelling up in my eyes.
Then again. “Hyung!” A little more firmly. His hand was making it difficult to even say one word. In addition, the tears started running down my cheecks non-stop. I just couldn’t hold all my emotions inside me which were build up behind my mask.
“HYUNG! PLEASE, plea-ease… stop…”
The words were drowned by my sobbing. I tried to get away from his hold, struggling in his arms. I couldn’t look at him or see anything. Not that the light coming in from the windows wasn’t enough, but because of my blurry vision. Finally, finally he stopped his movements in my pants, pulling his hand a little up but it still remained under the fabric.
“Hyung…”, I tried a last time before I could hear a muffled “What?” coming from the side.
“Why are you-?” His scentence stopped midway when he finally saw what was going on. He immediately snapped back his hand and backened away from me. I could only hear a thumping sound coming from him, before I curled up against the wall with my hands on my face, sobbing into them and crying loudly now.
I felt kind of relieved to be able to cry out everything I held in for so long but I felt so damn stupid at the same time. What would happen now? How would I be able to look him in the face again? Telling him the truth about my behaviour? There were thousands of questions inside my head but the worst one was: How will he react?
I was afraid of his reaction the most. If he would react disgusted, it would break me apart. Or if he’s angry with me, I wouldn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know what to do right now! I just cried.
Maybe he was gone, left me here alone. No. This was Jiyong-hyung. He wouldn’t do that to me, at least I hoped so.
It felt like hours since I started crying but finally my tears faded away.
“Miyanhae. Seungri, miyan! I… damn it!!!“, he cursed and broke the silence. I stood still, not daring to make a move.
My breath hitched when he lightly tipped on my shoulder. But his hand immediately shot back.
“Miyan, Seungri. … It’s better when I move to the living room for now. We can talk-“
“ANIYO, let me go to the living room. It’s not your fault that I didn’t-“, I tried to change his thought but got cut off.
“Look at you!”, he demanded angrily. I unwillingly had turned around to face him, just to see him looking so depressed that guilty took over me right away.
“I did that to you! YOU didn’t do a SINGLE thing wrong!! So cut it off! I hate myself for doing that to you right now!”
A long silence took place where I looked at him with saddened eyes.
I never wanted him to hate himself. I loved him so there wasn’t a point for his hatred.
“Go to sleep. We’ll talk about it tomorrow!”
My head shot up but I only could see the door fell shut.
What the hell just happened?
My head got heavy out of the blue and before I knew it, I fell asleep.
~~~
The next day I woke up with a heavy headache clouding up my mind. The sun shone mercilessly into my face when I shot up.
My alarm didn’t ring and it was already past 10 a.m.
I ran outside to check on my hyungs but I could tell that noone was home. Suddenly a smell of fried eggs came from the kitchen.
I thought, that nobody was home, so who…
When I got to the kitchen door I saw Jiyong-hyung standing in front of the stove, holding a pan in one hand. In a blink of an eye every detail of yesterday night popped up in my mind. What would happen now?
TBC