"I don't get fancying stereotypical gay guys" - I never said that.. you did.
I actually said that I (personally) cannot relate to the stereotypical gay culture.. as in the cultural associations that go with being a gay guy. This does not mean that ALL gay men are this way.. at all. It's a perception, a stereotype, hence why I wrote 'stereotypical'.
Same for looking like a lesbian - of course not all lesbians look a certain way. But there are certain associations and images that go with that culture.. and I think we all know them. I was merely voicing that. Also, I don't wanna look like a lesbian... am I not allowed to say that?!
Look I'm really sorry.. I can see I've really offended you here and I do actually understand where you're coming from (I will try to word things better in future - sorry).. I didn't set out to offend, I was merely voicing the dominant cultural associations that go along with some of these things, and saying that I feel I can't relate to that. I realise this may not be the case though, however there ARE stereotypes out there and they DO influence our perceptions of things. And personally I wouldn't want to be seen as for example, a stereotypical lesbian. This is just what I feel.
Sorry again for appearing judgemental, I'm really not at all.
"I don't get fancying stereotypical gay guys" - I never said that.. you did. Ok, but then what does this: "But I also can't relate to being gay or particularly fancying gay guys.. (at least not stereotypically gay guys) " mean, if not what I said? Because I read it as that.
Also, I don't wanna look like a lesbian... am I not allowed to say that?! You're allowed to say whatever you want, but saying that implies that there is one way lesbians look, so saying that makes you sound like a huge stereotyping jerk who can't tell the difference between gender expression/presentation and sexual orientation, or at least doesn't bother to word things more accurately. If that's what you're aiming at, great. Otherwise, a different wording would be in order.
I didn't set out to offend, I was merely voicing the dominant cultural associations that go along with some of these things, and saying that I feel I can't relate to that. I know you didn't mean to offend, and I didn't set out to be offended, but seriously, how did you arrive at the conclusion that using "dominant cultural" homophobic associations, words and concepts would be a good idea to describe these things? =/ I mean, if you yourself don't buy into those stereotypes, then why use them to describe others in a dismissive and reductive way? It's fucking rude.
I'm really not at all. Yeah, I believe you, but I can't see that, and I'd like to, but the wording you use makes that impossible for me, sadly.
It just means that I find it hard to connect with the perceived culture. Just like I find it hard to access this 'girly' stuff, the stuff that goes with being a woman.. again, this is not to say every girl is girly, of course not.. I'm not for a start! But it's the dominant cultural perception, which permeates every aspect of our lives and makes it so hard to be yourself.
I'm sorry you find what I say so offensive, I truly didn't set out to offend. But these cultural messages are very real, it's what makes us so uncomfortable being who we are in our own bodies. Sorry if you can't see that.
I know what you mean, I don't approve of your way of stereotyping other people to describe your experience compared to that. As for the reality of cultural messages - what on earth gives you the impression that I can't? I'm just pissed off at the way you use them to describe other people. Who wants to be reduced to a stereotype, even if stereotypes do exist? Why is reduction to that stereotype helpful, even if they are very real? Why is it necessary for you to perpetuate these stereotypes in your post if you don't approve of them yourself?
That is to say, you can say that something is not for you without dismissing the experience of others. Stereotypes are never, ever helpful. They always reduce and other the people they are describing.
I actually said that I (personally) cannot relate to the stereotypical gay culture.. as in the cultural associations that go with being a gay guy. This does not mean that ALL gay men are this way.. at all. It's a perception, a stereotype, hence why I wrote 'stereotypical'.
Same for looking like a lesbian - of course not all lesbians look a certain way. But there are certain associations and images that go with that culture.. and I think we all know them. I was merely voicing that. Also, I don't wanna look like a lesbian... am I not allowed to say that?!
Look I'm really sorry.. I can see I've really offended you here and I do actually understand where you're coming from (I will try to word things better in future - sorry).. I didn't set out to offend, I was merely voicing the dominant cultural associations that go along with some of these things, and saying that I feel I can't relate to that. I realise this may not be the case though, however there ARE stereotypes out there and they DO influence our perceptions of things. And personally I wouldn't want to be seen as for example, a stereotypical lesbian.
This is just what I feel.
Sorry again for appearing judgemental, I'm really not at all.
Reply
Ok, but then what does this: "But I also can't relate to being gay or particularly fancying gay guys.. (at least not stereotypically gay guys)
" mean, if not what I said? Because I read it as that.
Also, I don't wanna look like a lesbian... am I not allowed to say that?!
You're allowed to say whatever you want, but saying that implies that there is one way lesbians look, so saying that makes you sound like a huge stereotyping jerk who can't tell the difference between gender expression/presentation and sexual orientation, or at least doesn't bother to word things more accurately. If that's what you're aiming at, great. Otherwise, a different wording would be in order.
I didn't set out to offend, I was merely voicing the dominant cultural associations that go along with some of these things, and saying that I feel I can't relate to that.
I know you didn't mean to offend, and I didn't set out to be offended, but seriously, how did you arrive at the conclusion that using "dominant cultural" homophobic associations, words and concepts would be a good idea to describe these things? =/ I mean, if you yourself don't buy into those stereotypes, then why use them to describe others in a dismissive and reductive way? It's fucking rude.
I'm really not at all.
Yeah, I believe you, but I can't see that, and I'd like to, but the wording you use makes that impossible for me, sadly.
Reply
I'm sorry you find what I say so offensive, I truly didn't set out to offend. But these cultural messages are very real, it's what makes us so uncomfortable being who we are in our own bodies. Sorry if you can't see that.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment