Via digg, I bring you a helpful guide on How NOT to use PowerPoint by stand-up comic Don McMillan ( Read more... )

I quit my job on Friday
My last day was unexpectedly busy. I was busy handing over all the usual things--keys, documents, supplies. I cleared my desk.
I found the time to write a valedictory note to my co-workers, which read, in part:
In former times, a young man might be bound to the service of a master ( Read more... )

I was tasked to draw a particularly nasty, complicated diagram at work this week--an 11" x 17" flowchart-type-thing. In a move that would probably have given the firm IT managers fits, I used a non-approved application to do it: Inkscape.

Inkscape is a Free and Open-Source vector graphics program. The chart had to be scaled easily and quickly ( Read more... )

I am at the office, transcribing something for the boss. The boss dictates a citation. I understand it's a citation, and format it in correct Bluebook style. The boss invariable INSISTS on his (outdated? non-standard?) citation format. But he's the boss, so I have to roll with it ( Read more... )

If we spent our time writing instead of fiddling with half-spaces, we might actually get somewhere.

"Hey, ouij, I need you to make some copies for me."

"Sure thing, boss. What's up?"

"Copy each of these six filings once. Make sure they're clean. Then, prepare this filing." hands me ransom-note cut-and-paste draft of filing."Uh, boss, we already filed these papers electronically ( Read more... )

I don't want to be here.

I don't care how much of a fucking idiot you think I am because I don't give a flying fuck about your fucking redundant and useless duplication of paper.

Don't fucking slam the phone on me every time.

"I have to put it on there so it hangs." Bullshit. You're slamming the receiver on me, and if you're too fucking malcoordinated to hang up ( Read more... )

"Yes. The reality is that we are very highly paid waiters. "
One of the attorneys, remarking on the need to be attentive to the client.

PARTNER: The Constitution? You've heard of the Constitution?
ME: I've heard talk.
PARTNER: And I suppose you were out on Saturday exercising some of your alleged "rights"?
The partner I work for, on hearing I ( Read more... )

From the New Business Intake drones at the office:
Please note that the party position (relationship to client) labeled "UNDEFINED" has been changed to "OTHER/AFFECTED." Don't you wish you could file your own personal relationships like that? Except for me, I'd have "UNDEFINED" and "OTHER/AFFECTED" as separate categories. I think I must be an ( Read more... )